Noah And Today's Ark

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> > >> > >Noah And Today's Ark

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>* The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am going

>> to

>* make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all

>> the

>* evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people

>> and

>* two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to >

>build

>* an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the >

>specifications

>* for the ark.

>

>* "OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the

>* blueprints, "I'm your man."

>

>* "Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You >

>better

>* have my ark completed or learn to swim for a long, long time!"

>

>* Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began

>> to

>* fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his

>* yard, weeping, and there was no ark.

>

>* "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is My ark?" A lightning bolt >

>crashed

>* into the ground right beside Noah.

>

>* "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there

>> were

>* some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the

>> ark's

>* construction, but your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to

>> hire

> > > >>

>* an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument

>> with

>* him about whether to include a fire-sprinkler system."

>

>* "My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning >

>ordinances

> > > >>

>* by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance

>> from

>* the city planning board."

>

>* "Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, >

>because

>* there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried

>> to

>* convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife >

>Service

>* that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me

>* catch them, so no owls."

>

>* "Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an >

>animal

>* rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each

>> kind."

>

>* "Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I >

>couldn't

>* complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement

>> on

>* your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that

>> they

>* had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being."

>

>* "Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood

>> plan.

>* I sent them a globe!"

>

>* "Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal

>* Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to

>* hire."

>

>* "The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to

>> leave

>* the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe

>> some

>* kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in

>> less

>* than five years."

>

>* With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow

>* arched across the sky.

>

>* Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to

>* destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.

>

>* "No," said the Lord, "the government already has."

>

>