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Jack Handey Snl


armjan

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I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

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Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group." "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.

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When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.

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If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Edited by armjan
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