as i see it - Pt. IV

[ED]

Dear ED, that's all I ask.

 

OK then! lets keep it productive and lets get along

 

Thank you

 

[ara baliozian]

Thursday, October 9, 2008

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GENIUS KHANS

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There are some Armenians so dumb that not only do they believe in their own assessment of themselves that they are offended when no one else does.

*

SUSPICION

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Whenever a reader insults me anonymously, I always assume him to be either a bishop, the son of a bishop, or someone equally disreputable.

*

DECLINE AND FALL

*****************************

One way to explain the decline and fall of Armenian literature is by saying that first-rate writers and fourth-rate readers are mutually exclusive concepts.

*

THE BUSH DOCTRINE

*******************************

It has been pointed out to me on several occasions that it is wrong being rude to my critics.

Rude to my critics? Never!

As far as I can remember, I have at no time been rude to them.

Rude to kibitzers the purpose of whose oneupmanship is to take better aim when they piss on me – that's different. I don't call that being rude. I call it preemptive strike.

*

PHILISTINES

**************************

There is a familiar type of odar philistine who connects Parisians to pissoirs, Italians to pizza, and Armenians to pilaf and shish-kebab. To be fair, in this connection I should make mention of the efforts of our Turcocentric pundits who have been doing their utmost to change that false impression.

*

HUNGARIAN RHAPSODY

***********************************

Zsa Zsa Gabor: “My dad told me, 'Anything worth having is worth waiting for,' so I waited until I was fifteen.”

At which point she fell for Atatürk. That's what I call a brilliant debut.

#

[Twilight Bark]

OK then! lets keep it productive and lets get along

 

Thank you

You don't need to thank me when productive debate was my aim to begin with. It's not as if I am making a sacrifice. On the other hand, you are too quick to be satisfied when there was no such intent expressed by anyone else. It either means that I am implicitly accused of being the culprit, or that it would be preferred if I simply shut up and move on. One last thing: "getting along" is only useful as long as it doesn't stifle creative and provocative debate. People "got along" under totalitarian rule, and self-censored under authoritarian or chauvinistic regimes. That was not a positive thing.

 

None of this is about a pissing contest as Mr. Baliozian would have himself and his admirers believe. It's about the importance of nuance and shade in thinking about important concepts. Failure at that paves the way to an Orwellian nightmare, often by those who profess to hate such a world. And they will be cheered on that path by "proles" that regard depth and nuance as "gibberish".

[Twilight Bark]

Thursday, October 9, 2008

***********************************************

GENIUS KHANS

******************************

There are some Armenians so dumb that not only do they believe in their own assessment of themselves that they are offended when no one else does.

*

SUSPICION

***********************

Whenever a reader insults me anonymously, I always assume him to be either a bishop, the son of a bishop, or someone equally disreputable.

*

DECLINE AND FALL

*****************************

One way to explain the decline and fall of Armenian literature is by saying that first-rate writers and fourth-rate readers are mutually exclusive concepts.

*

THE BUSH DOCTRINE

*******************************

It has been pointed out to me on several occasions that it is wrong being rude to my critics.

Rude to my critics? Never!

As far as I can remember, I have at no time been rude to them.

Rude to kibitzers the purpose of whose oneupmanship is to take better aim when they piss on me – that's different. I don't call that being rude. I call it preemptive strike.

*

PHILISTINES

**************************

There is a familiar type of odar philistine who connects Parisians to pissoirs, Italians to pizza, and Armenians to pilaf and shish-kebab. To be fair, in this connection I should make mention of the efforts of our Turcocentric pundits who have been doing their utmost to change that false impression.

*

HUNGARIAN RHAPSODY

***********************************

Zsa Zsa Gabor: “My dad told me, 'Anything worth having is worth waiting for,' so I waited until I was fifteen.”

At which point she fell for Atatürk. That's what I call a brilliant debut.

#

It would have been much easier on everyone and much faster to conclude if you discussed the point raised like a healthy, well-adjusted human being instead of excreting poison day after day as a knee-jerk reaction. What you are doing is the equivalent of masturbation at best.

[Arpa]

It would have been much easier on everyone and much faster to conclude if you discussed the point raised like a healthy, well-adjusted human being instead of excreting poison day after day as a knee-jerk reaction. What you are doing is the equivalent of masturbation at best.

Please TB, don't steal my words. Please do! I will send you the bill for piratiing, violating my trademark. Many of my posts have disappeared, and I have been thretened with ban for using the M word. How can one describe it otherwise?

Just in case. I have no idea what the above debate is about and don't give it a rat's arse, I don't read it and I couldn't care less.

I wish they would all take their "aromatic excrement" to another medium and leave HyeForum to be what it is intended to be, a medium of culture, not "agri-culture" as in manure.

Edited October 9, 2008 by Arpa

[Twilight Bark]

Please TB, don't steal my words. Please do! I will send you the bill for piratiing, violating my trademark. Many of my posts have disappeared, and I have been thretened with ban for using the M word. How can one describe it otherwise?

Just in case. I have no idea what the above debate is about and don't give it a rat's arse, I don't read it and I couldn't care less.

I wish they would all take their "aromatic excrement" to another medium and leave HyeForum to be what it is intended to be, a medium of culture, not "agri-culture" as in manure.

It's past time Armenians relaxed about those terms. I had to look far and wide to find a dictionary that included the very common word "vor". It's indicative of cultural sclerosis, and a symptom of a much more serious malady. Of course the way to work on those things is not blasting the afflicted with horse manure and various other toxic material. A basic level of loyalty, affection, patience, and vision is all that's needed. Now whether we have those in enough quantity remains to be seen. I have indicated my pessimism earlier.

[ED]

You don't need to thank me when productive debate was my aim to begin with. It's not as if I am making a sacrifice. On the other hand, you are too quick to be satisfied when there was no such intent expressed by anyone else. It either means that I am implicitly accused of being the culprit, or that it would be preferred if I simply shut up and move on. One last thing: "getting along" is only useful as long as it doesn't stifle creative and provocative debate. People "got along" under totalitarian rule, and self-censored under authoritarian or chauvinistic regimes. That was not a positive thing.

 

None of this is about a pissing contest as Mr. Baliozian would have himself and his admirers believe. It's about the importance of nuance and shade in thinking about important concepts. Failure at that paves the way to an Orwellian nightmare, often by those who profess to hate such a world. And they will be cheered on that path by "proles" that regard depth and nuance as "gibberish".

 

TB, NO one is censoring you or any member when conduct is appropriate and civil, my mistake, I agree! my post was not aimed only to you but to everyone, and also know human nature will eventually take its course and things will get ugly, when i said "lets get along" i don't impose nor I wish to be totalitarian in me being a Moderator.

 

and as far as Arpa, Ara and everyone else....above post of mine is aimed to you as well.

 

and I must say, its almost becoming intellectual masturbation, fruitless talk with no directions, egos fly, It is what he is! for some,

our great poet Sevak said

 

du pats jakatov mi xmi patik

pat@ kmna pat

kpakasi mi lav jakat

 

I have very high regards for every member here, but I see resemblance among some members here and one particular egocentric narcissistic former member.

 

again I apologize sir!

[Anoushik]

It's past time Armenians relaxed about those terms. I had to look far and wide to find a dictionary that included the very common word "vor". It's indicative of cultural sclerosis, and a symptom of a much more serious malady. Of course the way to work on those things is not blasting the afflicted with horse manure and various other toxic material. A basic level of loyalty, affection, patience, and vision is all that's needed. Now whether we have those in enough quantity remains to be seen. I have indicated my pessimism earlier.

Why not aim for civility? Nobility? What do we gain as a culture by using vulgar words? The written medium as a means of exchanging ideas is so full of possibilities that surely one can refrain from vulgarities in order to state disagreements? I, for one, am very proud that the Armenians in my social circle are not relaxed about using certain terms. And yes, the moderator in me has been wanting to step in here for a while now, but I know better than to play language police.

Edited October 9, 2008 by Anoushik

[Twilight Bark]

I see resemblance among some members here and one particular egocentric narcissistic former member.

Very good. Of course I know who you are talking about, and I have been aware of the danger of becoming or at least sounding like him. It's a risk I decided to take. A much bigger risk is to sacrifice intellectual rigor on the altar of pleasantries when it comes to determining some fundamentals of what it is to be Armenian.

[Twilight Bark]

Why not aim for civility? Nobility? What do we gain as a culture by using vulgar words? The written medium as a means of exchanging ideas is so full of possibilities that surely one can refrain from vulgarities in order to state disagreements? I, for one, am very proud that the Armenians in my social circle are not relaxed about using certain terms. And yes, the moderator in me has been wanting to step in here for a while now, but I know better than to play language police.

It's not about gaining anything from vulgarities. It's about being tolerant. It's about being adventurous. It's about being tolerant about being adventurous. Like porn, you know it when you see it; you can't know from the simple presence of nudity. Likewise, if an "amot" word is vulgarity or simply a more adventurous (and succinct) way of putting something can be judged by sensible people. And if you are rather sensitive about vulgarities you had no reason to wait until this moment. You could have warned Mr. Baliozian about his vulgar language. I suppose you regard him as too big a fish to fry. Or is it that he has "poetic license"?

 

And my aim here was not to discuss the virtues of "vulgar" words. I was trying to convey the notion that vigorous and rational debate is critically important. I also think that those who cannot sustain it should stop pretending that they are "thinkers".

 

Nobility resides in the "spirit" and the intellect, not in words or appearances. But if I have to start from that far back to explain where I am coming from, this is even more hopeless than I thought.

 

This hoopla was much more than what I bargained for. Good bye. You all be pleasant, nice, and non-challenging now.

[Anoushik]

It's not about gaining anything from vulgarities. It's about being tolerant. It's about being adventurous. It's about being tolerant about being adventurous. Like porn, you know it when you see it; you can't know from the simple presence of nudity. Likewise, if an "amot" word is vulgarity or simply a more adventurous (and succinct) way of putting something can be judged by sensible people. And if you are rather sensitive about vulgarities you had no reason to wait until this moment. You could have warned Mr. Baliozian about his vulgar language. I suppose you regard him as too big a fish to fry. Or is it that he has "poetic license"?

My post was not directed solely at you. And the only reason I chose to comment about this now is because now that issue came up. Simple as that.

Nobility resides in the "spirit" and the intellect, not in words or appearances.

I beg to differ. The "spirit" and the intellect dictates ones choice of words and demeanor.

[ara baliozian]

Friday, October 10, 2008

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OBSERVATIONS

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Johnson on a speech by Nixon: “I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from a chicken salad.”

*

When it comes to speechifying, I am my own favorite speechifier: I sit down before I stand up.

*

I no longer count to three or even thirty-three when I get mad. Instead I remind myself of the old Chinese saying, “He who loses temper has wrong on his side,” after which I try to remember where I buried my ax, and by the time I locate it I forget the source of my anger.

*

The Genocide issue has produced fundamentalists on both sides. The Turkish side believes Armenians are born liars and the world will be a better place without them; and the Armenian side believes as bloodthirsty savages Turks don't qualify as members of the human race. This may explain why after a century of “dialogue” -- or rather two monologues that never cross – both sides have failed to reach a consensus.

*

I write to explain the incomprehensible to myself, and I write only when my explanations clash with conventional wisdom.

*

It is not at all unusual for our chauvinists to preach Armenian culture and to practice Ottoman philistinism.

*

Where a part-time janitor makes more money than a full-time writer, there will be an abundance of recycled crap and a total absence of ideas.

#

[ara baliozian]

Saturday, October 11, 2008

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CONFESSIONS

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Lord Byron: “Who would write who had anything better to do?”

*

There are days when flipping hamburgers sounds like a more useful occupation to me. What could be more satisfying than feeding the hungry? It may not be as good as the miracle of the loaves and the fishes, granted. But it comes damn close to it. My only consolation: any writer who is unanimously rejected by partisan as well as non-partisan editors and reviled by garbage-mouth readers can't be all bad.

*

BEAN-COUNTERS

***************************

I can understand laymen not reading the small print and being taken in by predatory lenders. What about chief executive officers and their small armies of advisers, assistants, accountants, and lawyers? What were they up to beside counting beans and pulling their dicks? If they too were taken in by cunning operators, how to explain the fact that they came out on top? The stench of conspiracy is so powerful that it would make a Bolshevik out of Senator McCarthy if he were alive.

*

THE REALITY PRINCIPLE

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Some people are so outrageously wrong that they don’t have to be corrected. Sooner or later life, facts, the reality principle will speak to them much louder than any logical argument or appeal to common sense and decency.

#

 

[ara baliozian]

Sunday, October 12, 2008

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ON WRITING

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Kingsley Amis: “If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there is little point in writing.”

*

If I fail to answer some questions or arguments it may be because I am too busy answering my perennial adversary – my former self.

*

There is a type of philistine for whom the word culture is almost synonymous with cuisine.

*

If shish-kebab and pilaf Armenians were to read a single Armenian book every year, Armenian literature would enjoy another renaissance.

*

I am accused of hanging out the nation's dirty linen by the dirty linen.

*

Cicero defines freedom as “participation in power.” If we are free, ours is the freedom of ants, birds, and herbivores – free to be stepped on, shot at, and devoured.

*

In one of his essays Sartre says that never had French intellectuals been so free as they were under the German occupation during World War II. Something similar could be said of Armenian intellectuals at the turn of the last century in Istanbul under the sultans. A 21st -century Baronian and Odian are unthinkable because they would be immediately and unanimously silenced by editors who are no better than hirelings of our bosses and benefactors.

#

[ara baliozian]

#

Monday, October 13, 2008

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VARIETIES OF PATRIOTIC EXPERIENCE

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If Mother Teresa lost her faith, can any believer be safe in his own? And if I, a thoroughly brainwashed hater of all Turks, can realize that they are human beings like the rest of us, can any Armenian be safe in his hatred of Turks, and by extension, hatred of fellow Armenians who dare to disagree with him?

*

Ignorance of history allows a fool to think of himself as wise, a fanatic to be a moderate, and an executioner to be on the side of the angels.

*

When I speak of free speech, I speak in defense of all writers who at one time or another were permanently silenced by fascist regimes in the name of patriotism. I speak with the strength of many.

*

If you join a club of like-minded idiots and you assess yourself as wise, have at least the common sense and decency not to assess yourself as infallible.

*

Because I refuse to believe to be Armenian means to hate Turks in theory and to hate Armenians in practice, am I then an enemy of the people whose tongue should be cut off?

*

Diasporan patriotism: they pretend to love the country in order to hate fellow countrymen with a clear conscience.

*

Patriotism: which comes first, love of country or hatred of the enemy?

*

Solidarity in hatred, divisiveness in love: some may call that patriotism, I call it insanity?

*

Those who preach patriotism and violate the human rights of their fellow countrymen are liars, cowards, and partisans of subservience.

*

Love of country: mountains, rivers, and valleys are easy to love – they don't reason, neither do they judge. Love of fellow countrymen: a far more demanding enterprise.

#

[ara baliozian]

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

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TEN YEARS LATER

******************************************************

When a reader reacts with insults and profanities it may be because he has run out of arguments or rather he never had any to begin with.

*

To meet two old detractors after ten years and to realize they haven't advanced an inch and they are the same horse's arses is a sensation akin to revenge without the guilt.

*

If a man's income is forty times your own, it doesn't necessarily follow that he is forty times smarter, though he may think so.

*

Sarah Palin claiming to be an expert in foreign affairs because she can see Russia from her porch has a counterpart among Armenians who think they are patriotic because they know “Yes im anoush Hayastani” by heart.

*

Let us not confuse hatred of Turks with love of the Homeland, or being slaves of former slaves with freedom.

*

St. John: “The one who says that he loves God and does not love his brother is a liar.” So is the Armenian who loves his Homeland but hates his fellow Armenian.

*

The contempt of the nouveau riche for the intellectual who can't make ends meet, the loathing of the bourgeois for the white trash, and the scorn of the aristocracy for the bourgeois – Turgenev's of Dostoevsky, Tolstoy's of Shakespeare, Nabokov's of Freud and Sartre....

*

St. Paul: “If any man among you seems to be wise in this world, let him become a fool that he may be wise.”

#

 

[ara baliozian]

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

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VIPERS

*****************

Some share their thoughts, others their venom. But in order to share their venom, they must store it somewhere, that is to say, they must make themselves venomous. Unlike vipers that are not harmed by their own venom, however,human venom is stored in the heart and circulates throughout the entire organism. It follows, those who share their venom become its most generous recipients. Hence Gandhi's dictum, “Hatred injures us more than those we hate.”

*

PROBLEMS

***********************

Life is an endless succession of problems. Some problems can be solved, others, like death, taxes, and the voice of one's conscience, cannot.

*

QUESTIONS

*******************

Can anyone name a single Armenian who has freely relinquished even a tiny fraction of his income, prestige, or power for the sake of solidarity -- that is to say, that which makes of us a nation as opposed to a collection of tribes?

*

Sometimes I am asked:

“Why are you so consistently negative?”

My reply: Negative is in the eye of the beholder. To be against lies is positive;

but not to the liar, of course.

#

[ara baliozian]

Thursday, October 16, 2008

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BELLS RINGING

*******************************

Albert Camus in the latest volume of his NOTEBOOKS: “Our literary society whose principle is second-rate spite, where offense takes the place of critical method.”

After reading Dostoevsky's CRIME AND PUNISHMENT: “I seriously consider the possibility of giving up.”

As a diarist Camus is disappointing. Unlike Gide and Jules Renard he makes no effort to be accessible. One entry simply reads: “The truth. The truth!” And another: “Thoughts of death.”

He quotes a French historian saying: “The Russians rotted before they were ripe.” And we were ripe 1500 years ago.

“Buddhism is atheism that became religion.”

I am reminded of Gandhi's observation that even atheists are believers because they believe the non-existence of God to be the Truth, and God is Truth.

*

NOTES & COMMENTS

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We converted to Christianity as readily and passively as we converted to atheism under the Soviets.

*

Historians study the past in the same way that psychologists study the unconscious. History as mankind's unconscious drives made visible. We are prisoners of our past as surely as a man is a prisoner of his unconscious drives.

*

As in all fascist regimes, we have replaced intellectuals with propagandists. Hence the popularity of our Turcocentric ghazetajis.

*

After we have seen and experienced what hatred does to people, we live as though hatred were the only answer.

*

When they can't stand the heat, they drive you out of the kitchen.

#

Friday, October 17, 2008

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FEAR

*******************************

To the faceless cowards who insult me anonymously and from a safe distance I say: One does not have to be a prophet to predict that your big mouth will be your undoing. And if you say, What about your big mouth? I will inform you that my undoing, if it comes, will have two sources, (one) being honest among phonies, and (two) writing for Armenians, which, in case you didn't know, happens to be a capital offense in our environment. You want proof? Read a text on the history of Armenian literature or the biography of any Armenian writer chosen at random. And if you are too lazy to do that, consider the fact that our history has been shaped by ruthless foreign tyrants and their collaborators among us. Allow me to remind you that two of the most notorious executioners of writers – Talaat and Stalin – earned their reputation with the full support and assistance of our traitors.

*

Nothing comes easier to an Armenian than to assert a superior brand of patriotism. And it goes without saying that he who has a high opinion of himself, will also have a correspondingly low opinion of his fellow men, so low in fact that he will assume none of them to be smart enough to see through him. A truly superior man does not feel the need to assert superiority. Only the inferior (“storin” or “varnots” in Armenian) do that to cover up their inferiority.

*

In an environment where propagandists are rated above intellectuals, not only the intellectuals but also the people will be at the mercy of executioners. For more on this subject, read a text on our history, provided of course it is not written by a hireling.

*

What are liars afraid of? The truth, of course, which they try to bury with their lies. But truth, which has a life all its own, refuses to remain buried forever. Its resurrection, which may happen in three or thirty three days or years, is inevitable. It is the awareness of this inevitability that liars fear.

#

Saturday, October 18, 2008

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ON BIAS

*******************************

If you classify your fellow men as Black and White, or Muslim and Christian, or Turk and Armenian, you introduce bias. Think of them as human beings and you will be surprised what happens next. What I am saying has nothing to do with Christian or any other kind of morality. Turning the other is an alien concept to me. So is loving my enemy or forgiving those who trespass against me. True, I was brought up as a Christian but my ethics remain pagan. If someone slaps me, my first instinct is to want to kill him. I think of both Turks and Armenians as human beings because that's what they are, and I have discovered that some Armenians are more Turk than Armenian, and some Turks are more civilized than some Armenians.

*

In a democratic environment a disagreement is just a disagreement. In a fascist environment a disagreement can be a capital offense or provoke verbal abuse.

*

In a civilized environment, if you speak honestly, even those who disagree with you will respect you.

*

I believe in the Turkish version of our past as much as I believe in our own. I question the honesty of Turkish politicians as much as I question the honesty of all politicians, including our own. Nothing can be more naïve and foolish than to say our enemies are pathological liars but we speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

#

[ara baliozian]

Sunday, October 19, 2008

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A WOMAN AFTER MY OWN HEART

****************************************************

In the introduction to her biography of the celebrated Italian novelist, Elsa Morante, Lily Tuck writes: “A truth teller, she tended to say hurtful things...She detested any sort of artifice, posturing, falsehood, she detested the misuse of power.”

*

THEY NEVER LEARN

**************************************

Some Armenians are so hedamenats and aboosh that they think one way of defending the national badiv is by insulting Turks, and they stubbornly refuse to see that not only Turks outnumber us, but when it comes to delivering profanities and insults, they are pros and we don't even qualify as rank amateurs beside them. To Armenians who are addicts of profanities and insults, I suggest they stick to insulting their fellow Armenians, because then they have a better chance to come out on top.

*

MART BIDI CH'ELLANK

***************************************

Whenever someone would recount a story about a fellow Armenian who had behaved badly, someone would say, “mart bidi ch'ellank!” meaning (freely translated) “once a jackass, always a jackass," or “we are a hopeless bunch!” I must have heard that line a thousand times, but never by those engaged in fund raising. These gentlemen know that if they flatter the dupes they plan to milk, they will be rewarded with more generous contributions. Hence the popular propaganda lines first nation this, first nation that, which may also be interpreted as first nation to be brainwashed and first nation to be taken in by foreign propaganda. As for the propaganda line that asserts we are just about the smartest people on earth, that was obviously designed to cover up the fact that we may well be be just about the dumbest.

#

Monday, October 20, 2008

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ON SOLUTIONS

*********************************

Never ask for solutions to our problems because all solutions begin with honesty, and since no one has yet discovered a verbal formula that can convert a crook to an honest man, all talk of solutions is a waste of time.

*

DEDICATION

*******************************

The dedication to my next book will read: “For my critics and detractors – my most faithful muses.”

*

HEADLINES

*************************

A headline in our paper reads: “Hour of death should be 'chosen by God' Pope says,” the implication being, the Pope can read God's mind like an open book.

*

Another headline: “Anglicans owe Darwin apology, bishop says.” But how does one go about apologizing to a skeleton?

*

GREED

************************

About the present financial crisis, I wonder how many CEOs said or thought “If things go wrong and the whole structure collapses, the government is bound to step in and fix it. We are too big to fail.”

*

A CEO at a hearing: “I take full responsibility.” He also took home $240,000,000 we are told.

*

ON REASON

******************************

You can reason only with the reasonable. With the unreasonable you can only go down on your knees and beseech the assistance of the Holy Spirit, if, that is, you believe in that mumbo jumbo.

*

ON LOVE

********************

Our religion teaches us to love our enemies. It says nothing about loving our fellow Armenians. Have I said that before? No matter. Some things are worth repeating.

*

WORDS OF WISDOM

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Albert Einstein: “It's not that I am so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.”

#

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

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EASIER SAID THAN DONE

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Speaking of Obama's favorite word: change means introducing new legislation, and “new laws,” according to an old German saying, “are followed by new tricks.”

*

WHAT'S DONE IS DONE

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The very same readers who accuse me of living in the past whenever I quote an Armenian writer, never get tired of speaking or reading about the massacres in the Ottoman Empire.

*

CANNIBALS

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When they bite me and I refuse to bite back, they resent it as if to say, “What's the matter, am I not good enough to be eaten?”

*

ONE-UPMANSHIP

*****************************

The ease with which they assume to know better even when the subject under discussion is a new one to them.

*

CONFESSION

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Speaking of dupes: in my youth when I heard a speechifier say something, I believed he meant it. And then I met some of them...

*

PROGRESS

***********************

Some of my readers are getting better at dishing out insults. With a little more effort, practice, and discipline they may be as good as Turks.

*

AN OLD TRICK

***************************

When the men at the top are corrupt, they emphasize the importance of patriotism, after which they stigmatize dissidents as unpatriotic.

*

MEMO

**********************

To those who recycle chauvinist crapola, I say, Leave it to the professionals of which we have more than our share. I assure you, they don't need your two cents' worth.

*

SOPHISTS

**************************

Those who want to get away with lies, rape, and murder, will tell you, these things existed since the beginning of time and no nation on earth is without them, in the same way that today they say corruption is universal and we might as well grin and bear it.

#

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

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QUESTIONS

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If they sling mud anonymously, is it because deep down somewhere they are ashamed of what they do?

*

If our Turcocentric ghazetajis keep writing about Turks, is it because they have nothing good to say about their fellow Armenians?

*

If we are proud of our multi-millionaires, shouldn't we be humble of our slum-dwellers?

*

Is it humanly possible to ignore or forget the truth after hearing it?

*

I may react to an honest disagreement but not to an insult. How does one react to an insult without going down into the gutter where the other has the advantage?

*

ASSERTIONS

*************************

No one can be as dangerous as a fool who is manipulated by another fool.

*

If you say to a bunch of crooks, “Gentlemen, let's be honest!” don't expect a mass conversion.

*

One cannot speak of vision where "the blind leads the blind."

*

There is a big difference between “he thinks,” and “he thinks he thinks.” To think, to really think, means to go beyond the boundaries of the already thought.

*

Who benefits when we cover up that which is negative? Surely not the victims. It follows, to cover up is to support and legitimize the victimizers among us.

*

Some of the dumbest people I know are Armenians who think they are smarter than Turks.

*

Communism has been defined as capitalism of the state, and capitalism as free enterprise for the poor.

*

Cowardice in the Ottoman Empire among Turks – it's understandable.

But cowardice in America among fellow Armenians – it's not.

#

[ara baliozian]

Thursday, October 23, 2008

***********************************************

ON GOD

*****************************************

I don't believe in the God of priests, mullahs, and holy scriptures, but I also believe you may let go of God ( whoever he may or may not be) but God will never let you go.

*

ON STYLE

***********************

Hit and run. Make your point and move to the next. If you make sense they will get the message. If you don't make sense, at least you haven't wasted their time and yours.

*

ON CRITICS

*************************

To how many of my critics I could say, Anyone who thinks as you do, does not deserve Naregatsi, Raffi, Baronian, Odian, Zarian, and Massikian. These gentlemen dedicated their lives in an effort to expand your horizons and you have deliberately chosen to live as though they never wrote a single line.

*

ON RECYCLING ENEMY PROPAGANDA

******************************************************

The ignorance of some Armenians is such that some of them go as far as recycling enemy propaganda in the name of patriotism. As when they say, “Our literature and culture flourished during the Soviet era,” which amounts to saying Russian literature flourished under Stalin, and German culture reached its apex under Hitler, Goebbels, and Himmler.

*

QUESTION

************************

Why anyone in his right mind would read me if he can read Shakespeare and Tolstoy? -- unless it is for the pleasure of verbally abusing a fellow Armenian simply because he refuses to flatter his colossal ego.

*

ON SUPERPATRIOTS

**********************************

A good Armenian superpatriot hates not only all Turks but also the whole world including and above all fellow Armenians who don't share his limitations and prejudices.

#

Friday, October 24, 2008

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THE CREAM OF THE CRAP

*****************************************

With the right camera angle and lighting, fragments in the life of the most pious and respectable married couple in the world could be made into a pornographic movie. That's what my critics do with my ideas.

*

Ignored, misunderstood, insulted, rejected, silenced, starved, exiled, shot – at long last Armenian writers are now for all practical purposes extinct. Where Talaat and Stalin failed, our bosses, bishops, benefactors and their assorted hirelings succeeded. Nothing succeeds like perseverance.

*

Heaven or hell – I don't care where I end up as long as it's where my friends are. I can't imagine happiness surrounded by dupes and charlatans.

*

Anonymous does not mean faceless. No degree of anonymity can hide the ego of a loud-mouth phony with the guts of a mouse and the memory of an elephant.

*

It happens to me all the time. After they find out what I am against, they accuse me of being for it. It makes sense, no?

*

If you speak the truth to a liar, he will come up with a bigger lie; and the bigger the better. And what could be bigger than choosing one's own tribe as God's Chosen, or one's own race as the Superior Race. And it came to pass that the Superior almost exterminated the Chosen, and the dumbest did the same to the smartest (self-assessed, of course).

#

Saturday, October 25, 2008

***********************************************

LIARS

*****************************************

Sooner or later reality will step in and let you know in no uncertain terms that you are on the wrong track – as when after 600 years of subservience....

*

If I repeat myself it's because there are ten thousand lies but only one truth.

*

I am an easy target. I can be silenced and buried as easily as a dog. But who can bury Socrates, Voltaire, and Gandhi whose ideas I have been paraphrasing?

*

Immortality? I have already achieved it in the minds of our liars.

*

Plato says somewhere that an honest man can never be as wealthy as a crook because, he explains, an honest man will employ only honest means to acquire his wealth, whereas a crook will employ honest as well as dishonest means. This may explain why you will never hear one of our benefactors say that he is an avid reader of Plato's dialogs.

*

Hirelings are not in the habit of questioning the competence and integrity of their bosses. To the publishers, editors, and moderators who have silenced me, I say: If a nation cannot survive the opinions of a minor scribbler, can it be worth saving?

*

When it comes to preserving their power, our bosses are more than willing to sacrifice the demands of justice and fundamental human rights. But when justice and human rights are denied to a single man, everyone should feel threatened.

*

A prophet is any man who speak about what he sees as opposed to what he is told to see.

#

[ara baliozian]

Sunday, October 26, 2008

***********************************************

DZOUR NESDINK

SHIDAG KHOSINK

*****************************************

We were deceived by the corrupt and degenerate West, we are told by way of justification. But that's not a justification. Only an unrepentant dupe and a damn fool would think of it as one. That's more like a confession and an admission of inadequacy and incompetence.

All politics and diplomacy is based on deception. The difference between a politician and a statesman is that a statesman sees what's on the other side of the hill.

The question we should ask ourselves is, Did we ever have a statesman as a leader? And even more to the point: Do we have one today? We have speechifiers and sermonizers by the dozen. But a statesman? And what is a speechifier if not a dealer in empty verbiage? What is a sermonizer if not a sanctimonious prick whose favorite motto is, “Do as I say not as I do” -- the words of a fornicator and a holier-than-thou windbag.

Speaking of dupes and confessions: allow me to confess that I too am a dupe -- a dupe of the illusion that words make a difference.

We are told “At the beginning was the word.” But we are no longer at the beginning. If anything we are closer to the end. And at the end, my friends, the word is garbage.

#

Monday, October 27, 2008

***********************************************

ANIMAL HOUSE

*****************************************

Topix is the name of an Armenian discussion forum that is Armenian and a forum in name only. The Turks on this forum outnumber the Armenians and the discussion consists of a constant, endless, and monotonous barrage of insults, verbal abuse, and profanities; and when I say profanities I mean the kind that couples motherhood with prostitution and fornication; and the worst profanities are reserved not by Armenians for Turks, or vice versa, but by Armenians for Armenians.

*

The moderator of this forum identifies himself as an Armenian and I believe him because he leaves the profanities in and deletes my things on the grounds that he agrees with me only 80% of the time.

And speaking of motherhood: one of the regular contributors to this forum identifies herself as a “mom” and she is one of my most dedicated readers and severest critics. I suspect she subscribes to the excrementalist school of criticism because her favorite descriptive term is “crap.”

*

Describe someone as objectively as you can and he will consider it the worst insult that anyone has ever inflicted on him.

*

When the majority of one group believes in one thing and the majority of another group believes the exact opposite, you can be sure of one thing: the brainwashers on both sides have been busy.

*

How do you convince someone who thinks he is smart that he may not be as smart as he thinks he is? It can't be done. Even if you reach the apex of your profession you can be taken in by an operator in some other line of work. Cases in point: both Hegel and Beethoven were taken in by Napoleon. That's because music, philosophy, and politics do not share the same values, vocabulary, and principles.

#

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

***********************************************

A TURNING POINT OR A DEAD END?

*****************************************

During the Soviet era dissidents were labeled “enemies of the people” by commissars, to cover up the fact that they (commissars) were the true enemies. When the Soviet Union disintegrated, Stalinists put the blame on dissidents. Catholics said the credit must go to the Polish Pope, and American said it was all Reagan's doing. I say it was Stalin's doing for the obvious reason that he systematically eliminated the best minds and promoted mediocrities without vision. Where there is no vision the people perish, and one cannot speak of vision where the blind lead the blind.

What about us? Where do we stand? Has anything changed? Once upon a time our political leaders were intellectuals. They may have been daydreamers and losers but they were also men of principle. They believed in what they said. Today instead of intellectuals we have merchants and bureaucrats – anonymous, faceless, interchangeable nonentities whose number one concern is number one. In the Homeland they speechify like programmed zombies, and in the Diaspora they speak of fund-raising, never of accounting. But even if they spoke with the eloquence of Demosthenes and Cicero combined I wouldn't believe a word they said. What I believe instead are the silent masses who vote with their feet. On the day the rate of immigration exceeds that of emigration I will feel justified in thinking we have been successful in arresting the downward spiral towards oblivion. Until then I will only say, I loathe deceivers, and I loathe their dupes even more because I was one of them. As for a renaissance of our arts and letters: if it happens, it will happen only after our Ottomanized, Sovietized, and Levantinized wheeler-dealers are exposed for what they really are – the gravediggers of the nation.

#

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

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CONFESSIONS OF A FOOL

*****************************************

“Excellent speech is not fitting for a fool.” PROVERBS 17:7

*

“Let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs, rather than a fool in his folly.” PROVERBS 17:12

*

“A rebuke goes deeper into one who has understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.” PROVERBS 17:10

*

Yesterday, while waiting at the emergency room (a wait that lasted seven hours) and after exhausting the available printed matter, I found a copy of the Gideon Bible, and again I was fascinated by the number of verses dedicated to fools.

I like reading about fools for a number of reasons, one of them being that I was one most of my life, and I continue to be one today because I sometimes go as far as thinking that what I write matters.

*

Reading about fools amounts to reading about myself and about human nature in general. I suspect some day psychology will be known as foolology.

*

To be insulted by a fool is not an insult because that's what fools do when they don't understand something. To be praised by a fool – now, that's what I call a true insult.

*

Just because fools enjoy freedom of thought it doesn't mean they can think freely.

*

If a fool disagrees with you, you may be justified in suspecting you are on the right path.

*

When two fools agree, they think that have achieved wisdom.

*

The greatest comfort of a fool is the animal warmth of another fool.

#

[ara baliozian]

Sunday, November 2, 2008

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BAND OF ROBBERS

*****************************************

Saint Augustine: “What is the state without justice: A band of robbers.”

I should like to hear one of our dime-a-dozen pundits and patriots say as much. As a matter of fact, the other day I did hear one of our speechifiers speaking about “the Armenia of our dreams...the dreams of our fathers and grandfathers...the alienation of youth...poverty...” and more to the point “a great deal remains to be done...” But he never went as far saying the challenge we confront today is converting a band of robbers to a band of brothers.

*

“The Armenia of our dreams!” What about the reality of our diaspora? Let's dream about that for a moment, shall we? A diaspora that speaks with one voice and treats all Armenians as brothers. A diaspora whose leaders treat the human right of free speech not as a Utopian illusion but as a basic requirement for any progressive community. What could be more self-serving and misleading for a diasporan boss than to speak of divisiveness, corruption, and alienation as if these were problems that needed to be solved only in the Homeland?

What is a diaspora without mutual tolerance? What is a community that values entertainment, food, and sports above the exchange of ideas or the development of consensus?

*

Where there is no free speech, a braying jackass and a barking dog will enjoy more freedom of expression than an honest man. To those who say I have been silenced because I am wrong on all counts, I say, even a broken down clock shows the right time twice a day, and I ask: Who among us in infallible – our Turcocentric ghazetajis or the hirelings of our bosses, bishops, and benefactors who parrot their propaganda line?

*

What is the worth of a man who is afraid to say what must be said?

#

Monday, November 3, 2008

***********************************************

MEMOIRS

*****************************************

It took me many years to find a job that I truly enjoyed doing, and when I finally did, no one had any use for me.

*

A LOSE/LOSE PROPOSITION

************************************

If you are wrong they will disagree with you. If you are right, they will disagree with you even more.

*

COMPROMISE

**************************

Do we have a word for compromise? If we do, why is it that no one ever uses it – at least I for one have never heard anyone use it.

*

WHY WE ARE INTOLERANT OF CRITICISM

****************************************************

Because we believe one should not mess with perfection.

*

AN ARMENIAN STORY

*****************************

They asked the village idiot to translate the braying of an ass, and when he did, the villagers were divided between those who believed him and those who did not. There were no survivors.

#

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

***********************************************

CHOICES

***********************

We either speak the truth or we conspire with liars.

*

Very often in life what we don't know or what is hidden from view matters much more than what we know. To make visible that which is invisible, that's the function of literature. The rest is either propaganda or escapism.

*

What is the worth of a dupe's “I believe,” or a child's Santa?

*

We choose to see only facts that support our prejudices and fallacies. All other facts are either ignored or don't register on our consciousness.

*

We see the best in ourselves and project the worst on others after which we confuse projecting with exorcism.

#

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

****************************************

SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

********************************************

We slept with the enemy for 600 years – 600 long years during which instead of making history we acquired bad habits, subservience being one of them. Subservience to top dogs even when they are s.o.b.s, and contempt for underdogs even when they are honest men. Subservience to bosses, bishops, and benefactors, contempt for scribblers. Subservience to lies and contempt for the truth.

*

In an environment where wealth is seen as a blessing, I brag about my poverty if only because, in the words of Socrates, “my poverty is proof of my honesty” -- which might as well be a declaration of war against all liars. I have never owned a car or even a bicycle. I walk. I walk in all kinds of weather. I walk for miles. I walk even in snowstorms, and as I walk, I think of Dostoevsky on his way to the House of the Dead in Siberia.

*

The sev is in and the esh is out! To racists around the world, a day that will live in infamy. To underdogs everywhere, a giant step for mankind.

#

[ara baliozian]

Thursday, November 6, 2008

****************************************

A SERIAL HUSBAND

********************************************

Best-selling-author Michael Crichton of JURASSIC PARK fame dead of cancer at age 66. “A devoted husband,” according to his widow; “married five times,” according to the obituary.

*

ON POWER

*********************

Power corrupted the Republicans under Bush not because the Republicans are more corruptible than the Democrats but because only saints are immune, and saints stay away from politics. Neither Thomas Mann nor Einstein were saints, but they were wise enough to say no when offered the position of head of state of East Germany and Israel respectively. As a “Mahatma” (great soul) Gandhi too rejected all positions of power in India. Obama may be America's answer to Gandhi and as such less corruptible than most politicians but the same will not be the case of everyone within his administration.

*

NOTA BENE

*************************

More often than not, it is in our efforts to appear smarter that we expose ourselves as fools.

#

Friday, November 7, 2008

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WHITE TRASH (I)

********************************************

Where fools outnumber the wise, charlatanism will be confused with charisma.

*

Speaking of Sarah Palin, a Canadian pundit said something to the effect that she looked like a semi-porno queen and was popular with the white trash. True or false? Who cares! “Se non vero, ben trovato.” Freely translated: “Even if not true, it's damn good.” Anyone who says to see Russia from one's porch is to know and understand them deserves it.

*

WHITE TRASH (II)

************************************

Because the first Armenian writer I translated into English was a Tashnak, I was identified as a member of the Party by the opposition. And when ten years later they realized they had been wrong, they offered to hire my services. They said they were willing to pay a goodly sum (I don't remember exactly how much – probably less than minimum wage) if I were to write biographical profiles of Ramgavar leaders. I informed them I was not qualified to do that because I didn't even know who they were. That's when I acquired the reputation of being an ingrate and an enemy of the people.

*

WHITE TRASH (III)

************************************

A friend in Toronto tells me he plans to attend a lecture on “Good Turks” by one of our prominent academics. Next I hope this academic will consider a lecture on “Bad Armenians.” You may not believe they exist, but take my word for it, they do. Like all nations, we too have our share of white trash who consider themselves la crème de la crème.

Speaking of good Turks: during the last few years I have made a few Turkish friends, which also means ten times as many Armenian enemies. I am not complaining. My worst enemies have also been my best sources of inspiration. If it weren't for them I would now be busy entertaining the bourgeoisie by writing love stories.

*

WHITE TRASH (IV)

********************************************

Raffi: “Our capitalists and merchants are the most corrupt and degenerate members of the community. Nothing good can come out of them. These people worship only money. They are men without a country. They belong to no nation on earth. Profit is their only homeland.”

*

Raffi: “We don't have an aristocracy. We have no elites and no leaders. What we have are merchants and clergymen. Merchants are trash. As for the clergy: they have always been against individual freedom.”

#

Saturday, November 8, 2008

****************************************

BIG LIES

********************************************

Insult an Armenian once and he will spend the rest of his life trying to get even. An eye for an eye is no longer good enough for him. He wants both eyes, ears, tongue, arms, legs, and a vital organ. An insulted Armenian ceases being an Armenian and becomes a Turkish viper.

*

Once in a while I am told I should not expose our failings in open forums. Why not? Our writers have been exposing our failings and contradictions intramurally with no effect. Shaming our dividers and gravediggers in the eyes of the world may be more effective.

*

A committed Armenian speaks in the name of a belief system and all belief systems create dupes as surely as chickens create eggs. With one difference. Eggs can be consumed.

*

The only time priests, rabbis, and mullahs speak the truth is when they call one another liars.

*

Organized religions are useful in so far as they stress the importance of morality in human affairs. But they also introduce prejudice which is the source of intolerance and countless crimes against humanity. Monopoly on truth is not just a lie but the Biggest Lie ever conceived by men.

#

 

[ara baliozian]

Sunday, November 9, 2008

****************************************

THE DARK SIDE

********************************************

All power structures, be they tribes, nations, empires, cultures, and civilizations, have a dark side, and I don't mean here only empires like the Roman, Mongol, Ottoman and Soviet empires, but also “free,” “democratic,” “civilized,” and “progressive” empires like the United States of America that saw nothing inconsistent in declaring “All men are created equal” and practicing slavery, discrimination, and even ethnic cleansing, in addition to legitimizing and supporting some of the most corrupt regimes of the 20th century.

What about our dark side? If we have one, who speaks of it?

To answer this question I once published a DICTIONARY OF ARMENIAN QUOTATIONS in which I selected passages from the works of prominent writers from the 5th century (our Golden Age) to the present, beginning with Khorenatsi and Yeghishé to Zarian and Zaroukian, all of whom have exposed our dark side, namely the corruption, incompetence, and divisiveness of our leadership and its dupes.

*

The other day when I quoted Raffi in an essay, I was told by a gentle reader that things have improved since then and Raffi's dissenting views don't apply because we no longer live in the 19th but in the 21st century. To this reader I suggest he read such 20th century representative writers as Issahakian, Zohrab, Shahnour, Massikian, Zarian and Zaroukian to see that there has been no progress in our institutional life and that things have been getting worse rather than better. And if we no longer have respected writers today willing to speak of our dark side it's because our bosses, bishops, benefactors and their hirelings have been more intolerant and ruthless in silencing anyone who refuses to recycle their benevolent and paternalistic propaganda line whose message is, we never had it so good because we are in the best of hands. As a result, we now have a generation of dupes so thoroughly brainwashed that they call anyone who refuses to live in their fool's paradise a liar, an idiot, and a dispenser of verbal crap.

*

This morning, on the radio, in an interview, Farley Mowat, a Canadian author of 87 books: “I was a victim of the propaganda of our time.”

#

Monday, November 10, 2008

****************************************

ANALYSIS

********************************************

Analysis: “Separation of a thing into the parts of which it is composed.”

Also a method of reasoning or treatment that may lead to an objective assessment or accurate diagnosis.

*

Siamanto: “Our perennial enemy – the enemy that will eventually destroy us – is not the Turk but our own complacent superficiality.”

“Complacent superficiality”: A diplomatic circumlocution for stupidity; a reluctance of going beyond appearances; a phobia of depth; also a fondness for easy answers flattering to the ego.

*

Why did Abovian commit suicide?

Why did Raffi say “Treason and betrayal are in our blood”?

Why did Gomidas take refuge in insanity?

What was it that prompted Zarian to say, “Armenians survive by cannibalizing one another”?

If you ask these questions to a boss, he will speak of our heroic past and love of freedom. What he will not do is quote the secret and unspoken motto of our revolutionaries: “When the going gets tough, the tough take flight.”

If you ask a bishop, he will quote a line from the Bible but never the right line, such as “A house divided against itself cannot stand,” or “Where there is no vision the people perish.” (Speaking of vision: We are the offspring of men who for 600 years kissed Turkish butt; and when it wasn't Turkish butt it was Russian butt. At the center of our vision there has always been a butt.)

If you ask a benefactor, the very best he can do is write you a check and suggest you see a shrink. His business is making money, not analyzing the collective unconscious of the nation; and money for him is the alpha and omega of all human wisdom.

*

Another question: why is it that our greatest literary masterpiece is the LAMENTATION by Naregatsi (our Dante and Shakespeare combined) which consists of an endless catalog of sins, vices, failings, and aberrations?

*

Nigoghos Sarafian: “Our history is a litany of lamentation, dread, and massacre. Also deception and abysmal naiveté mixed with the smoke of incense and the sound of sacred chants.”

*

Hagop Baronian: “Truth is a language that if not spoken is forgotten.”

*

For more quotations relevant to our malaise (another circumlocution for collective insanity) that our pundits and ghazetajis pretend not to know and our brainwashed dupes hate to know, see my DICTIONARY OF ARMENIAN QUOTATIONS.

#

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

****************************************

REFLECTIONS OF A GIAOUR

********************************************

We don't choose our parents, nationality, and religion. Most people born and raised in Muslim or Christian countries are Muslim and Christian respectively, and they all share the conviction that theirs is the only true religion and all others are heresies and their followers infidels destined to burn in hell for all eternity. Most Germans born and raised in Hitler's Germany were fascists, and most Soviets in the USSR of Stalin were communists. They were, in other words, very much like Muslims and Christians, cases of arrested development.

*

To those who verbally abuse me whenever they disagree with what I say, I ask: How old were you when you acquired the infallible views you hold today? And more often than not I don't even have to wait for an answer to add: “No further questions!”

*

Patriotism is a noble sentiment. If anything it should make a man a better person. That is why I don't believe a word of what a garbage-mouth dupe says when he speaks in the name of patriotism or he expects me to believe his brand of patriotism or belief system is a cut above mine, and he is therefore qualified to look down at me as an enemy of the people, a heretic, and an infidel whose fundamental human rights can be violated with a clear conscience.

#

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

****************************************

UNPLEASANT ENCOUNTERS

********************************************

Most Armenian disagreements boil down to one side insisting that his hearsay evidence is more admissible than your eyewitness account.

*

To acquaint yourself with the kind of hatred that leads one nation to exterminate another, follow an argument between two anonymous Armenians in a discussion forum.

*

A jackass is equipped to understand only the braying of another jackass. To paraphrase a popular Turkish saying: “What the hell does a jackass know about khoshaf (stewed raisins)?”

*

If your perception of reality is based on what our nationalist historians, bosses, and bishops say, in what way are you different from a Turk who has been exposed only to the propaganda line of his nationalist historians, mullahs, and Kemal?

*

If I sound stupid sometimes it's because I want to be accessible to my audience.

*

There is a type of “inknahaivan” dupe (self-satisfied jackass) who will believe anything that flatters his ego.

*

To those of my readers who would like to dance on my grave, I say, if you die before I do, I shall mourn the loss of a Muse.

*

A gentleman does not insult another anonymously. To paraphrase a sexist Turkish saying (with apolos to the ladies on this forum): “Among ten men nine are sure to be women.”

#

[ara baliozian]

Thursday, November 13, 2008

****************************************

JACK S. AVANAKIAN

********************************************

After the first profanity, I stop reading. If you have read one garbage-mouth anonymous Jack S. Avanakian, you have read them all. They might as well be xerox copies of one another.

*

Never call a self-assessed Armenian genius an inbred moron. If you do, he will be so blinded by hatred that in his efforts to prove you wrong, he will spend the rest of his life proving you right. That's because hatred makes a man stupid, and no one can be as stupid as a self-assessed genius.

*

I remember a friend telling me: “Do you know why there are no famous Armenian mountain climbers? Armenians are jumpers. They want to reach the top with a single jump.”

*

When a fanatic speaks of patriotism, he means love of country and contempt for countrymen who do not share his fanaticism. Give such an Armenian enough power and he will start by exterminating his fellow Armenians before he tackles the Turks.

*

Being Armenian looks easy only in Saroyan’s fiction. In reality it is such a demanding enterprise that most Armenians give up the effort and assimilate, and I for one do not blame them.

*

There is a type of Armenian who thinks just because he is an Armenian he is also an expert in Armenian affairs, which is like saying, just because an elephant is an elephant he is also an expert in zoology. Did I say elephant? Make it jackass.

#

Friday, November 14, 2008

****************************************

MY TWO CENTS

********************************************

The worst way of solving a problem is by silencing those who speak of it.

Likewise, the only way to be positive is by ignoring or covering up the negative.

If I am classified as negative it may be because the only way to be positive in our environment is by lying. And the beauty about political lies is that more often than not you don't even have to invent them, it will be done for you.

*

“The Russians are our Big Brothers.”

“Mer hairenik, azad angakh.”

“We are Armenians!”

I have always wondered what the hell that meant.

“We are all Armenians!”

Odian makes fun of that one in his COMRADE PANCHOONIE: “'We are all Armenians, we are brothers. Why can't we live together? Why must we fight?' That filthy bourgeois kept repeating, not being able to comprehend that conflict is the basic condition of life...'” thus Panchoonie in one of his regular reports to the Central Committee that invariably end with the immortal punch line: “Mi kich pogh oughargetsek,” which is now the favorite mantra of our dime-a-dozen fund raisers.

“Mart bidi ch'ellank!”

I see more truth in that punch line than in all the speeches and sermons delivered by our windbags.

*

When told to “give them hell,” an American presidential candidate (may have been Truman) is quoted as having said: “I don't do that. I tell them the truth and they think they are in hell.”

You may now draw your own conclusions.

#

Saturday, November 15, 2008

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ASSH***/s

********************************************

When Nixon called Trudeau “an assh***” Trudeau is said to have commented: “I have been called worse names by better people.” Meaning: If I can survive the verbal abuse of good men, why should I give a damn what riffraff think of me?

*

The eminent Canadian poet Irving Layton on his critics: “Just because they have an assh*** they think they are entitled to an opinion.” He delivered this line to an audience of librarians, schoolteachers, and students.

*

For a year I worked in a chain of department stores, first as a stockboy then as an assistant to a manager who expected me to adopt him as a role model. Once he bragged about being the youngest manager in the history of chain stores in Canada. Shortly thereafter Wal-Mart drove our chain stores out of business.

*

“You are a fool,” a gentle reader informs me. I suspect this reader will hang himself on the day he decides to read a wise writer. But if history teaches us anything it is that when a truly wise man appears, all the assh***s of the world conspire against him. Perhaps I owe my survival to my limitations.

*

There is a new book out titled DO ANTS HAVE ARSEHOLES? -- AND 101 OTHER BLOODY RIDICULOUS QUESTIONS. (The answer, by the way, is yes, they do.)

*

I for one do not underestimate the cunning of fools – after all, they run the world.

#