Maral Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite... What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite... Why do witches use brooms to fly on? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy... How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray... What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck... Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately... Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don't have any body to go out with... What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Booberries... What is a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball... What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangsgiving... What would a monster's psychiatrist be called? Shrinkenstein... What did one ghost say to the other ghost? "Do you believe in people?" What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer... Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They're so wrapped up in themselves... What kind of streets do zombies like the best? Dead ends... What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? Fasten your sheet belts... What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel... What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation? A scareplane... What type of dog do vampire's like the best? Bloodhounds... What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon-slime... What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich... What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? A trombone... What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets... Why do vampires need mouthwash? They have bat breath... What's a vampire's favorite fast food? A guy with very high blood pressure... Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted October 31, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!! Please use these helpful hints this and every year. 1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. 2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. 3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out. 4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice. 5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone. 6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. 7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well. 8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT! 9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out. 10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. 11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. 12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. 13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at east twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. 14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately. 15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine. 16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to he nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, hoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten. 17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple uns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions. 18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices. 19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle. 20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard. 21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Booberries... mmmmmmmmmmmm ... booberies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted October 31, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 mmmmmmmmmmmm ... booberies style_images/master/snapback.png oh ya...tomatoes are toxic but booberies are ok? blaaaaaaaaaakh..unjashag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 Anything with boobs is ayy okay in my book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted October 31, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 Anything with boobs is ayy okay in my book. style_images/master/snapback.png darn it...I'm slow this morning.... do Margaritas Saturday night make you stupid Sunday morning? ok Sip made a funny!Good boy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 A search on Google for "tomato boobies" and various derivatives brought me nothing. I did find the below, though - all for Sip. http://www.photocartoonist.com/birthdays/thumbnails/bday012.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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