Azat Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 EBITDA: earnings before I tricked damn auditor. EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering. CEO: chief embezzlement officer. CFO: corporate fraud officer. NAV: normal Anderson valuation. FRS: fantasy reporting standards. P/E: parole entitlement. EPS: eventual prison sentence. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no. MOMENTUM INVESTING -- The fine art of buying high and selling low. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. "BUY, BUY" -- A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT -- Religious guy who talks to God Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 quote:Originally posted by Azat:YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.Exactly what I did!!!! I am sooo glad ... that was the one single sell order I ever got right. The problem was I bought YAHOO at 500 (before they split ... so I guess it was actually 250). Glad I have no money now and I can focus on more important things in life (yes, that's what I keep telling myself and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted July 29, 2002 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 Me too Sip. I keep telling myself "What would I do with all that money". Pretending that I would be all confused with what to do if I had millions.(at least I can lie to my self to keep me happy. ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted July 29, 2002 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 Today's Stock Market ReportHelium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.Knives were up sharply.Cows steered into a bull market.Pencils lost a few points.Hiking equipment was trailing.Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.Weights were up in heavy trading.Light switches were off.Mining equipment hit rock bottom.Diapers remain unchanged.Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.The market for raisins dried up.Coca Cola fizzled.Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.Sun peaked at midday.Balloon prices were inflated.Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market. -- How many investors does it take to change a light bulb? None - the market has already discounted the change. -- Why did God create market analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good! -- Why has astrology been invented? So that market technical analysis could be an accurate science. -- A study of markets usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is yesterday! -- A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today! -- The First Law of Technical Analysis: For every analysis, there exists an equal and opposite analysis. The Second Law of Technical Analysis: They're both wrong! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arpa Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 quote:Originally posted by Azat:Me too Sip. I keep telling myself "What would I do with all that money". Pretending that I would be all confused with what to do if I had millions.(at least I can lie to my self to keep me happy. )And who is A Zany Armenian Trader? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted July 30, 2002 Report Share Posted July 30, 2002 E Tays dud Etoys - te gtnes Ar kyanqum ches poshmani GOLD - and Only GOLD Miyayn Voski - !!!Azniv metar e Shura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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