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Dear Tantik Սիրելե Մո&


Arpa

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It may be time that we have a new generation of satirists and social commentators, be their names Hakobouhi Baronian/Oriordian/Tikinian or Yervandouhi Otian/Totikian? :P :D .

Even though this item may belong in the Humor section, I chose to air it under Culture since it goed beyond…

Dear Abby Armo -style? :D

The Armenian Reporter has a new feature - Dear Dandeegeen (Dear Houselady?)

Whoever she(?) may be, has a hefty sized sense of humor, even if it goes beyond humor for humor’s sake. It is sharp, witty and incising.

It may be time we have our own "Dear ...." here . How about it Dear (Maral) Tantik?? Dear Mokkour? :P :)

See for yourselves. From AR 10/13/07

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***Dear Dandeegeen,

If you make it to church on Sunday, what should you wear? * And where should you do your standing? Dear Dandeegeen, I have not been to church in a long time. This past Sunday I went and I was amazed to see how people are dressed at church. So revealing! What are the dress codes these days? Sincerely, No More Class

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Dear No More Class:

Oh, so you finally made it to church? Was it Easter or something? Or did you just go for the free Hokehankist meal in the memory of your great aunt, whom you never visited when she was alive? Well, I am glad that you finally made it out of Soorp Angogheen on Sunday morning and got yourself to church. You're right! Nobody remembers to cover their heads with scarves when they come to church, and they wear clothes that look like they are going to a nightclub with that Paris Hilton. The word amot went out of style just as fast as the full-length skirt did. Remember the Dandeegeen's four Ds of church etiquette: don't show your shoulders; don't cross your legs; don't chew gum; and don't dress like a prostitute. And while we're at it, there are also proper "rules" that men need to follow. When did it become okay for more than half the men at church to stand outside and smoke cigarettes? I don't think Saint Gregory the Illuminator spent 15 years in a dungeon so his descendants could huff and puff on Marlboros and discuss the World Cup. Um, it is like the church has turned into an agoump. The only thing that is missing is a belot table. I know, a lot of people say they don't understand the Badarak. Well, maybe its time they started to learn. Instead of watching Oprah everyday for an hour, learn krapar. Actually, I am currently working on a book called Badarak for Dummies. It explains all the sacred and ancient rituals in easy-to-understand language so when you go to church you really know what's going on instead of sitting (or more like standing) there for hours pretending to mouth the words like a ventriloquist. So my dear No More Class, I'll see you at church next Sunday. Make sure you also bring a dollar for a candle and stop hoarding them for free like my gtsee friend Sonia does. She thinks the more candles she lights, the more her prayers will be heard. You don't need to put on a pyrotechnic show for the Lord to hear your prayers and it's so rude to hog up the candle box. Plus, Sonia should be putting more money in that plate because, obviously, some of Sonia's prayers were answered. Her husband Setrak just bought her a new Lexus and she lost 30 pounds on Weight Watchers. Miracles do happen.

Sirov, Dandeegeen

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And this one is for the King of Musa Ler, Mosjan and our resident vegan(s) Azat.

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* * * Dear Dandeegeen, I am part Musa-Daghtzi and part Hadjinzti. That means I go to a lot of madagh picnics where I have to eat a lot of harissa. The problem is that I'm vegetarian. My family gets mad because they think I am disrespecting the memory of my ancestors by not eating harissa. What shall I do?

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Dear No Meese, No Peace:

I can't believe you asked this question. I am currently in the process of putting a patent on a new food at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's called Tofurissa. It's a tofu and barley version of harissa, and it also comes with an easy-to-open packet of cumin and a little cross so you can bless it yourself. Why stand in long lines at a picnic where nenes and dedes are having a mosh-pit just to get to the harissa? Just go to Whole Foods and buy Dandeegeen's Organic Tofurissa.

 

Sirov Dandeegeen

Edited by Arpa
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OK!

Let me begin. Hoping that Maralik Tantik Mokkour will take over. :D

Why do Armenians have such big noses?

Having noticed that Maralik Tantik Mokkour has an ample olfactory sense for comedy, I pass the “Baton”, ՑՈՒՊ :oops: Don’t read the word from right to left.

Why do Armenians think that that Shesh Besh board is a textbook of mathematics? Why do Armenians think that a chessboard is an international textbook of diplomacy?

Did Stalin, Churchill, heavens forbid, Hitler and Hamid excel in the game of "shesh besh" and chess? :P

Edited by Arpa
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