Gw Bush's Resume

[Nakharar]

RESUME

 

George W. Bush

 

 

The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

 

LAW ENFORCEMENT:

 

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under

 

the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my

 

Driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has

 

been "lost" and is not available.

 

MILITARY:

 

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to

 

take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By

 

joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat

 

duty in Vietnam.

 

COLLEGE:

 

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.

 

I was a cheerleader.

 

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

 

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

 

I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I

 

bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The

 

company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

 

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that

 

took land using taxpayer money.

 

With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil

 

industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of

 

Texas.

 

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

 

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,

 

making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

 

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most

 

smog-ridden city in America.

 

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of

 

billions in borrowed money.

 

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in

 

American history.

 

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my

 

father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President

 

after losing by over 500,000 votes.

 

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

 

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a

 

criminal record.

 

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over

 

one billion dollars per week.

 

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.

 

Treasury.

 

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.

 

history.

 

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any

 

12-month period.

 

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month

 

period.

 

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of

 

the U.S. stock market.

 

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their

 

jobs.

 

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any

 

administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire,"

 

Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

 

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.

 

President.

 

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the

 

most corporate campaign donations.

 

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best

 

friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate

 

bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

 

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys

 

to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election

 

decision.

 

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against

 

investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent

 

investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent

 

investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

 

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and

 

refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was

 

revealed.

 

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

 

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be

 

awarded government contracts.

 

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any

 

President in U.S history.

 

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy

 

in the history of the United States government.

 

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S.

 

history.

 

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations

 

remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

 

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

 

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war"

 

detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva

 

Convention.

 

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations

 

election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

 

I set the record for least number of press conferences of any

 

President since the advent of television. I set the all-time record

 

for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off

 

the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security

 

failure in U.S. history.

 

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade

 

Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most

 

hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in

 

world history.

 

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to

 

simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),

 

shattering the record for protest against any person in the history

 

of mankind.

 

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,

 

pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign

 

nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the

 

majority of US. citizens, and the world community.

 

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut

 

in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in

 

war time.

 

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for

 

attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.

 

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans

 

(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and

 

security.

 

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster,"

 

a WMD.

 

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

 

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my

 

father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

 

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my

 

bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

 

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,

 

attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and

 

unavailable for public review.

 

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004. PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.

[dianjan]

This is very funny. Thanks, I had a good laugh. The sad part is that this resume is kind of true.

[Azat]

I wish I was a failure like Bush.

[Sip]

I wish I was a failure like Bush.

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Yah, it's not easy being THAT big a failure, is it?

[Stormig]

So Bush is accepted into an interview for the position of political advisor after his retirement from presidency.

 

Q: It says in your resume that you attacked two countries, unprovoked, and we would presume that one of these two would be Iraq, yes?

 

A: Yes, but unprovoked, no.

 

Q: But it expressly says here that the attacks were unprovoked.

 

A: Who says I wrote it?

 

Q: Fine. And please make sure you are not wearing an earpiece.

 

A:

 

Q: Scenario: country of is undergoing massive starvation and bloody internal strife under dictator Agabugu. It is estimated that 75% of the refugee women in the Ababua enclave have had to endure rape by militia when going outside camp to fetch water to provide daily sustenance. Forests are being burned on a daily basis around this enclave to prevent them from hiding in vegetative cover, as they are being burned nation-wide to clear land for pasture and farmland as part of dictator Agabugu's policies. Would this or would it not justify an American intervention.

 

A: No.

 

Q: But this is what you did in Iraq.

 

A: They had WMD.

 

Q: No they didn't.

 

A: OK, it was a humanitarian crisis, Saddam was a bad bad man.

 

Q: This is a humanitarian crisis, too. Millions of people have been displaced, hundreds of thousands executed in the process of genocide, women raped as part of genocide, and the list could go on.

 

A: No it isn't.

 

Q: By the way, did you know that wood is good fuel and is readily available while those schmucks still try to harness solar energy for fear of the demise of engines that run on hydrocarbon fuel once oil runs out?

 

A: What are hydrocarbons? I know they have to be avoided in older age.

 

Q: Hydrocarbons, not carbohydrates.

 

A: Oh yes. What was the question again?

 

Q: Oil is gonna run out, buddy. We can burn wood.

 

A: Oh I see. Invade this country at once. My friends can be contractors and profit off of this, yes?

[Siamanto]

Azat> I wish I was a failure like Bush.

 

Siamanto> It may sound pretentious, but I'd rather be myself than someone like Bush! It's about HIGHER STANDARDS!

Edited October 30, 2004 by Siamanto

[Azat]

Siamanto, I never claimed I want to be like Bush. I said what I said because by NO means is he a failure.

 

Let me list just a few of the things that he has done that democrats like me and many others dont want to even admit.

 

Yes he did fail in finding oil in a small oil field in Texas,. Actually there was oil but not enough to keep the business going. However he invested 750K in a business and turn around and sold it for some 15 Million? Wow what a failure.

 

He then ran against a VERY VERY popular democratic governor of Texas. Guess what the Democrats did. Instead of trying to say what they could do for the country insisted to talk about what a failure he is. And take a wild guess who won... What a failure He must be. Ran the second largest state in the country(oh yes it is bigger than most countries in Europe).

 

Then he decided to run for president against an Administration that was SO very popular. An administration under which the US economy had hit record highs. An administration under which unemployment had it record lows. So what do you think the Democratic party leaders decided to do? Yes they started to talk about what a failure he has been. And guess who won... Mr Gore could not even win his home state nor the state of the president at that time. I know what a failure

 

So that is what I was trying to convey. But we(democrats) can put our heads in the sand and keep talking about this failure of a man and allow him keep winning. Now you tell me who is the failure.

 

And by the way I and I am sure most people would prefer to go to Yale and have a C average instead of going o the different schools that we went to and got A's and B's.

[Sip]

[/bush]

[Siamanto]

Siamanto, I never claimed I want to be like Bush.  I said what I said because by NO means is he a failure.

.....

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Azat,

 

First of all, I agree with you that one should keep an open mind to ALSO recognize the achievements of his/her opponents.

 

Second of all, I agree that my message was too laconic, somehow ambiguous and could have have been misinterpreted! For the record, I did not mean: "YOU don't have high standards." I believe that BUSH does not have high standards, if any!

 

Third of all, EVERYBODY has successes and failures in life. It is simply a question of TENDENCIES and FREQUENCIES! I also think that achievements should be measured relatively to the "base line" i.e. where the person started. For instance, most of our grand parents and parents did PROBABLY achieve MORE than BUSH, considering their very modest beginnings.

I respect your opinion, but I consider Bush a failure: I believe, he is who he is MAINLY because of his BEGINNINGS, NOT HIS ACHIEVEMENTS!

 

Most of all, the achievements of an individual should not justify low Moral Standards! One can argue that Talaat, Ataturk etc. did have many successes!

 

I wish I had more time to explain myself, but I hope that I did a better job this time!

[Azat]

I completely understand what you mean bud, but I disagree. Many start at much higher "baseline" but do not achieve what he has. What drives me nuts is that we(most people in this country) hate the guy yet the moron is almost certain to win again.

[Sip]

It's faaar from almost certain ... it's going to come down to places like Florida, Ohio, Wisconsin, and other border line states. Actually, it's so borderline that he could lose by a landslide. It could also be that he wins by a landslide. Only a few votes in each of these border line states is going to make the difference.

[Sip]

http://gallery.johnkerry.com/data/photos/medium/e417e730-0a9b-4007-bbc1-9c2affb12655.jpg

 

http://gallery.johnkerry.com/data/photos/medium/0998f2b9-d29e-41e7-bd7e-8755d121e8d0.jpg

 

Here are a couple of pictures from thursday, right here in Madison ... more than 80,000 people showed up to hear Kerry speak. Madison has a lot of Kerry supporters but the state is pretty much split down the middle from what the polls are showing.

[Twilight Bark]

It would be both useful and amusing, not to mention poetic justice, if Kerry won the electoral college but W won the popular vote.