"10 Things That Piss Me Off" by George Carlin

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the **** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no ****.

3. People who are willing to get off their a$$ to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

4. When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." **** off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?

5. When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the **** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No ****nose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theater and stare at the friggin' ceiling up there. What did you come here for?

7. The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't." Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for ****'s sake!

8. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

9. When something is "new and improved" which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going. You should know a$$hole; you ****ing pulled me over!

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Sorry about the "obscene" language (which I turned to asterisks). Since I am not the moderator of this forum I felt no need or obligation to act like one

A


[This message has been edited by Sulamita (edited February 10, 2001).]