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Im with armenian and I simply don't understand, please help!


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#1 PolishGirl

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 02:54 AM

Hi everybody,
At the beginning just want to apologize for language mistakes.
I have problem and I need advice from ppl who have experience.

Im with armenian guy, he's older than me 11 years, he lives in Poland 5 years now. In june he needs to back to his country.
We met more than 6 months ago and we are couple 6 months. I just felt in love with this amazing man. We got engagement and we were planing wedding in next 2 or 3 months...
Everythin was great till he had his own flat but after he moved to his sister house and everything started changing...
We just fight and fight and everyday almost I cry. It's horrible!
Whatever his sister says he does, he cannt live without this family, they are the most important in the world and me his future wife ????whatever I say he just forgetsor doesnt follow at all.... only when we fight he takes things serious...I just dont understand why....
I heard lot of bad things about armenian but I wish hear something good, are there any mixed couples , happy wifes who can share with me how to solve problems?but im not saying about armenian girls just about armenian-different nationality relationships.
becausue I have heard armenian girls opinions...and Im not armenian. Im polish girl, here everything is different and I didnt grow up in armenian culture.
The man that I love I cant leave....even though we got many problems.
Last time he said he won't help me in house even if i have kids and many stuffs t odo because this is girls job, only when we are alone I can ask him for help. When he invite friends I need to serve for them and do not ask him even to bring tea from the kitchen.
Here in Poland in relationships we share everything , we help each others, share not only love but everydays life. Polish girls are so independent and energetic always have something to say but we also love so much and take care of our men with all love we have.
I unerstand he is not polish and he will never be and I know I have to go for compromises. But I think he want me to became exactly like armenian girl and this is immposible for me. Something what is normal and obvious for armenina for me it can me strange and unnormal.
We both have to make some changes in us.
But I will never understand why his family is more important and I heard it always be...Is it right?

Please I need opisions, advice, some tips how to understand this man....

Edited by PolishGirl, 05 February 2013 - 03:01 AM.


#2 gamavor

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:31 AM

Last time he said he won't help me in house even if i have kids and many stuffs t odo because this is girls job, only when we are alone I can ask him for help. When he invite friends I need to serve for them and do not ask him even to bring tea from the kitchen.



This is very strange. Most Armenian males I know actually do the chores and we often joke that our wives help us in the household. Are you sure he is Armenian?
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#3 PolishGirl

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 07:42 AM

Thank you for answer,
Yes he is from Yerevan.
You know I don't mind to do housework it's natural woman takes care just do not understand how peoples opinion can be more important than person you love.... :(

#4 Arpa

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:52 AM

Send him back ro wherever the hell he came from.
He will not make a good husband for you. Armenian boys are spoiled rotten specially the first born ones. Their mothers treat them as royalty, in fact they are nicknamed “prince” by that furkish word. Remember our one time friend Sako p****? As to household chores, they are not encouraged, in fact mothers would tell them not to do girly stuff, they woud say “your thing will fall off”.
In general Armenian boys don’t intend to marry foreign/European girls except for ulterior motives, i.e to obtain citizenship etc. to them European girls are just temporary disposable toys and playmates.. Once again, Send him packing to his mother or wherever the hell he came from.
Although there are many happily married mixed couples, but as a rule those are exceptions. Foeign /odar brides will never be accepted into the TRIBE. Even after years, when she becomes a mother, grandmother she will always be introduced - “ This is my wife Laura, whatever-ian she is Irish, Italian… etc“..**
The picture has two faces. Often many foreign brides will never become wholly a part of the TRIBE. Even after years of marriage, during or when the marriage ends for whatever reason, they will still stick to their ethno-religio-denominational origin.
**We have spoken about this phenomenon in length here.
This is not exactly what I had in mind, but it will do for now;
http://hyeforum.com/index.php?showtopic=10457&st=0

#5 Nané

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:54 AM

Polish Girl,

Not ALL Armenian men are like that but unfortunately a great number of them (if not the majority) are. You may be very happy with another Armenian man, but your current boyfriend does not sound like the one that fits into your life.

I disagree with our friend Arpa about ulterior motives ... I would say those with ulterior motives are the exception. And about being accepted into the "TRIBE", I believe that in current times we (as a people) are much more accepting of "foreigners" in our families (as long as the person makes an effort to integrate).

Good luck Polish Girl! Think long and hard before jumping into something head first.

Edited by Nané, 05 February 2013 - 09:54 AM.


#6 Yervant1

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 10:42 AM

Polish girl welcome to Hyeforum, sorry to hear that things are not working for you. Definitely this guy is not for you because he is either mama's boy or he is using the family as an excuse. You will find all kinds of Armenian man just like any other ethnic group, I do not believe in generalizations that all men are the same in any race and I'm sure you would know that all Polish men are not the same either. My opinion is that Armenian men born in diaspora such as Europe or the Americas to a larger extend anywhere else is pretty much have adopted to the cultural ways of their adopted country. But some of the men from Armenia proper is still clinging to the old habits, of course not all and it's your luck that this particular Armenian is one of them. Good luck!

#7 PolishGirl

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 11:37 AM

The worst thing is that when I asked him if he will be faithful to me his answer is... "I dont know",
I wish he could change but I dont know if it's possible...we were planing to get marry soon and we were savingsome money 3 months before wedding he sent his all money to his parents ,didnt inform me about...I wish see any change but if this is the culture is not possible ,right? so better if i stop dreaming?

#8 PolishGirl

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 11:43 AM

Thank you for all answers...wish I could turn back time and make different decisions....:(

#9 man

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 12:29 PM

It was nice for you to seek second hand opinion in this forum...when in love you are not able to reason and hopefully this forum will make up your mind to go find a wonderful Polish husband and lover and tell your Armenian man to go find and marry an Armenian girl.

You say you are "independent" minded and behaved. For Armenians "independency of females" is no and no. You should always be dependent on your husband, even the air you breath should be breathed first by your man then afterward by you.
The female must love and adore her Armenian man or husband UNCONDIONALLY, even if once in a while for sport he have sex with prostitutes or other females, which is most likely in order to bust his ego and his machismo if for nothing else and for things like oral sex that a true respectful Armenian female will never do, even to her husband.
Family --you, his wife, should consider his mother your mother and behave from now on as if really is your mother and call her mom. Give her all due respect and obedience. It was only a few years in Yerevan that a husband and his mother beat their young wife to death (she was his wife and mother's daughter-in-law), I do not know the reason for this particular murder but if you disobey then expect a beating from your mother-in-law and your husband.
House --you, the wife, should always keep the house clean. Always cook, always clean the dishes. Clean and wash your children.
...I can keep writing more Polish girl but by now you should have shut down your computer or device and jumped out looking for your truly Polish man.

#10 Nané

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 01:14 PM

The worst thing is that when I asked him if he will be faithful to me his answer is... "I dont know",
I wish he could change but I dont know if it's possible...we were planing to get marry soon and we were savingsome money 3 months before wedding he sent his all money to his parents ,didnt inform me about...I wish see any change but if this is the culture is not possible ,right? so better if i stop dreaming?


Polish girl, he appears to be a selfish and inconsiderate person and does not deserve your devotion. And please note that the culture is NOT the primary problem but he is. We all take from our respective cultures what is acceptable for us. Even if (let's say) the culture dictated some of these selfish behaviors, it does not justify his actions and lack of respect for you.

Please, don't view this as the end of the world. People fall in love and suffer and break up and ache and eventually stand up and continue with their lives all the time. I understand that you love him (or are maybe accustomed to him?) and don't want to lose him. But sometimes, it's better to hurt for a period of time rather a whole lifetime. And from what I can tell, he's going to hurt you more and more with time and you are going to end up hating him and hating yourself for subjecting yourself to such misery.

And please!!! don't listen to anything "man" says. He's just talking out of his you know what.

#11 PolishGirl

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 04:04 PM

It will be really difficult decision to make...In June he's gone to his country if we dont get married so I will lose him. even thought this all things I do love him, but I also have to think about my future, that's why im doing research.

#12 PolishGirl

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 04:06 PM

Nane..Im guessing you are armenian girl....aren't you?

#13 man

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 05:08 PM

As to your future dear Polish girl, if you merry him at the end he will drive you
to suicide, to commit suicide. I have worked with a Polish young man for a while
and he was very nice guy beyond comparison; also worked with a Polish young woman
for a while and she was very nice, she even thought me some Polish sentences and
told me about polka parties she goes to. 10,000 young men from Yerevan are not worthy
for a single Pole that I have met and worked with. No more to say!

Edited by man, 05 February 2013 - 05:09 PM.


#14 Nané

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:35 PM

10,000 young men from Yerevan are not worthy
for a single Pole that I have met and worked with. No more to say!


You do not have the moral right to make such a statement! Shame on you! Shame on you not as an Armenian but as a human being!

#15 Nané

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:37 PM

Nane..Im guessing you are armenian girl....aren't you?


Yes, I am. And I see what happens in such situations. Regardless of the ethnicity of the girl ... such men (in this case - Armenian men) fall victim to their own selfishness and stupidity and make their spouse's life a living hell. I don't think that's what you want for yourself.

#16 MosJan

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 07:53 PM

wan you merry someone you don't; just merry them you also marry there family .. do your best to be flexible and find your way in to there harts, be wise.. if you cant just step away..

no need for fights... yelling.. since yelling and fighting don't intimidate most man it just makes it worst..
be wise

#17 PolishGirl

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Posted 06 February 2013 - 03:11 AM

I came here to find out what's armenian ppl opinion about that Because I heard many stuffs from polish girls and I didnt want to believe. Unfortunately I can read similar things here. And I know you are honest and want to help. I really appreciate.
But down in my heart is little bit of hope that things may change , pity is fading day by day :(
Yestarday we spoke and decided we will no rush things with wedding and if he has to back to his country he will...
He is good man but when it's about tradition and habist he is strong with his beliefs and behaviours. he wont compromise I think.
This is very strange bcause I spent one year in Ireland where I met many mied couples even from countries like India where culture is really strong I guess more eventhan in Armenia and those couples compromised and tried to do things that the other person they lov would be happy. this is ove, love is above everything ethnic difference,tradition,fights,problems....
I just don't understand why in this case it doesnt work this way. In the bgginin was really great he tried his best but as i said as he moved to sister house he has changed.
Maybe because he is 33 and for him is impossible to make any changes?
Yes understand very well what you all are saying just wish it could be different...
well I guess I have to make up my mind very quickly.

wan you merry someone you don't; just merry them you also marry there family .. do your best to be flexible and find your way in to there harts, be wise.. if you cant just step away..

no need for fights... yelling.. since yelling and fighting don't intimidate most man it just makes it worst..
be wise


yes sure I understand but for me polish it's bit complicated. I can compromise and Im not saying I dont accept his fmaily, of course I do, we meet , we have relations, just don't understad why their words are more important than words his future wife...he knew that he's going to be with polish he is here since 5 years , he had women before me ,he knew about polish nature and culture I never even heard about armenian before i met him, so he knew that he is going to build relationship with polish girl wher everything is different from his culture. he tries to put me in box fits only for armenian girl. so i think both of us should go for compromises.

#18 Yervant1

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Posted 06 February 2013 - 10:14 AM

As to your future dear Polish girl, if you merry him at the end he will drive you
to suicide, to commit suicide. I have worked with a Polish young man for a while
and he was very nice guy beyond comparison; also worked with a Polish young woman
for a while and she was very nice, she even thought me some Polish sentences and
told me about polka parties she goes to. 10,000 young men from Yerevan are not worthy
for a single Pole
that I have met and worked with. No more to say!

An overly exaggerations like this will only weaken your argument and render your opinion as verbal diarrhea.

#19 Yervant1

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Posted 06 February 2013 - 10:21 AM

Dear Polish girl, from what you are saying he wants 100% control, and if you can't accept this than you will leave him either now or later.

#20 MosJan

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Posted 06 February 2013 - 12:15 PM

I came here to find out what's armenian ppl opinion about that Because I heard many stuffs from polish girls and I didnt want to believe. Unfortunately I can read similar things here. And I know you are honest and want to help. I really appreciate.
But down in my heart is little bit of hope that things may change , pity is fading day by day :(
Yestarday we spoke and decided we will no rush things with wedding and if he has to back to his country he will...
He is good man but when it's about tradition and habist he is strong with his beliefs and behaviours. he wont compromise I think.
This is very strange bcause I spent one year in Ireland where I met many mied couples even from countries like India where culture is really strong I guess more eventhan in Armenia and those couples compromised and tried to do things that the other person they lov would be happy. this is ove, love is above everything ethnic difference,tradition,fights,problems....
I just don't understand why in this case it doesnt work this way. In the bgginin was really great he tried his best but as i said as he moved to sister house he has changed.
Maybe because he is 33 and for him is impossible to make any changes?
Yes understand very well what you all are saying just wish it could be different...
well I guess I have to make up my mind very quickly.


yes sure I understand but for me polish it's bit complicated. I can compromise and Im not saying I dont accept his fmaily, of course I do, we meet , we have relations, just don't understad why their words are more important than words his future wife...he knew that he's going to be with polish he is here since 5 years , he had women before me ,he knew about polish nature and culture I never even heard about armenian before i met him, so he knew that he is going to build relationship with polish girl wher everything is different from his culture. he tries to put me in box fits only for armenian girl. so i think both of us should go for compromises.



question why are you in his sisters house ??
way did he moved out of his flat and now all of you are in his sisters house. after all that's some other mans house, and he has his own set of rules

is he going back to Armenia for good, forced to go back since his not a citizen in Poland ? are you going to Armenia w/ him ??




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