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Family Members Trying To Play Matchmaker.


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#21 Sassun

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Posted 21 June 2007 - 12:01 PM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Jun 21 2007, 08:17 PM) View Post
Why embarrassed? You seem to be articulating pretty well here in the forum. It's never too late you are all adults, you have your dissapointments and I'm sure they have theirs only mature dialogue can salvage the relationship. Listen and make them listen don't give up like that as you get older and regret it one day, they might not be around.

Well, embarrassed because guys are not supposed to be talking about their feelings. And also because I felt uncomfortable talking about certain subjects with them (for example, girls/dating/love,etc.). It's different (easier) when you are talking behind a screen with people whom you have not met and will probably never meet , than talking with people with whom you will continue to share the house for some years ahead... If I shared those feelings with them, then every time they'd look at me, I'd suffer with the feeling of being transparent, and feel that they can see right through me. I don't know how to explain it. I've always been scared of giving away my feelings, because then they might 'take them away' from me, in the sense that they would no longer be PERSONAL. Hmm. I guess that's because I never really tasted the feeling of sharing things with my parents. Imagine coming home from school and starting to tell them something and it'd fall on deaf ears, you ask them if they heard what you said, they'd go: "huh? what?" It was so disappointing to see them do that over and over again. I'd just tell them "nothing" and go to my room. After a while I forced myself out of the habit of telling them anything at all, in the heat of my excitement. They wouldn't listen anyway. I used to make up for it by writing my thoughts and feelings. But after a while I stopped being able to express myself.

They messed up. I don't blame my mother, though. My dad is to be blamed for it. I actually feel sorry for my mom. Even though I used to be scared of the idea that my parents would get divorce (I was afraid they would leave me alone!), in retrospect, they should have done it and gone their own way instead of torturing themselves and each other. All this talk about divorce leading to problematic families is BS. I'd rather live with one parent (or no parent at all) than go through the hell that I lived through. I know, you will say, be careful what you wish for, but I KNOW better. If I had been sent to an 'orphanage' I would've received much more love and caring in one day than I received in the past 24 years combined.

Anyway, parents get only one chance to do things right. It's not like they can reverse all those years of pain and confusion that I had to go through, no matter how much they try to make up for it, and even if we talk. I would feel closer talking to a stranger than to my own parents, so what are we going to talk about? It's too little too late.

I just hope that other parents would find the right balance in dealing with their kids. When I become a parent I will make up for what I did not get to enjoy, by giving my kids all the attention that I wished and prayed I would get from my parents.

#22 Yervant1

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Posted 21 June 2007 - 02:56 PM

Wow Sassun sorry to hear all that, I hear you but I still say let them know how all those arguments effected your life.
Wish you good luck. smile.gif

#23 MosJan

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Posted 21 June 2007 - 03:43 PM




Sasun are you the only child ??

Sassun your 24 - move out of the house and gave them some space of their own.

then wan the dust steels dawn and your parents start missing you, attempt to talk to them - remember do not drop a bomb on them just bit at the time baby steps


#24 Sassun

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Posted 21 June 2007 - 08:32 PM

QUOTE(MosJan @ Jun 22 2007, 12:43 AM) View Post
Sasun are you the only child ??

Yeah. Unfortunately (if I had siblings at least I'd have someone to talk to and not feel so lonely!). Or maybe fortunately! My parents couldn't deal with 1 kid and had to neglect me, imagine if they had to deal with more than one!
You can say that their marriage was "matchmaking gone awry"... I still don't understand why/how people get married if they can't even get along, let alone have a kid. In that sense, I'm a "mistake." biggrin.gif Which begs the question of marriage after love / love after marriage. Some people say that after getting married, love will just 'grow' even if it's not there before (the proponents of arranged marriage). That is just sooooooooooooooo wrong. I will never, ever, get into such marriage, even if that means I will remain single for the rest of my life!!!!

I wish I could move out Mosjan. That's my dream. But in this country, easier said than done. I have a job that pays me less than $300. In Lebanon you can't live with that kind of money if you do not own an apartment already. In other words, it's too little to live off of, if you have to rent a place. I had saved a lot of money to move out, but when it came to getting an education, my parents told me bluntly that if I wanted to get an education I'd have to pay for it myself. So I had a choice: move out or get an education. I couldn't have had both. I decided on getting an education because I thought if I moved out now, I would probably never get the chance to get a degree later (and I couldn't bear to see all my friends - who did worse at school than me - go to university to get a degree). So I ended up putting all my money there, and now I don't have any left-over money to think of moving out. Anyway now I am done with that, and have made up my mind to become a fighter or at least an army officer. That'll definitely mean being away from home! So it's like "meg karov yergoo trchoon zarnel". biggrin.gif

My parents won't start missing me. biggrin.gif If they did, there'd be no problem, would there? biggrin.gif I went on a subsidized class trip for a month, and they did not notice I was gone ...... I'm not kidding.

The only thing that scares me is that I will end up being exactly like my dad. I know that I don't want to, and that I will try to do all my best not to, but I have heard people say that it's easier said than done for people who have lived in abusive homes. I guess the only way to prevent that from happening -- for now -- is to put myself through more of that, so that I would not 'forget' what I have had to live through.

So now you know why I have a fear of matchmaking. My friends have attempted to introduce me to girls before, but aside from a mere hello and some basic conversation, I have avoided getting to know them. If I will get married, I want to meet someone "naturally" and not "artificially", and love "naturally" rather than with doubt in my head/heart. I guess that means I'll be single for the rest of my life. biggrin.gif Well then, so be it. Better than be a crappy abusive husband and father like my dad was to my mom and me respectively!

Edited by Sassun, 21 June 2007 - 08:35 PM.


#25 Sassun

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Posted 21 June 2007 - 08:38 PM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Jun 21 2007, 11:56 PM) View Post
Wow Sassun sorry to hear all that, I hear you but I still say let them know how all those arguments effected your life.
Wish you good luck. smile.gif

Thanks. biggrin.gif Now I have a way of coping with it all. So far, so good. biggrin.gif




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