Posted 31 March 2010 - 03:52 PM
How would you deal or cope with negative criticism on a personal level?
In other words, how would you advise people who are sensitive to negative critical and bullying remarks, to gain a shield of mental/emotional protection?
Posted 31 March 2010 - 05:53 PM
I do not know the specifics of you particular situation, so I will offer some general advice.
I regret to say that there is, always has been and sadly, always will be bullies and negatively driven people. You are in no way alone in having to deal with these people, we all deal with such people on one level or another on a daily basis.
Please know this much ... people will criticize WHATEVER you do; people will talk no matter what you do. Our Lord, Jesus Christ spoke of love, peace, kindess, compassion, etc., and look at what they did to him - they CRUCIFIED him for this!
If you live a clean and positive life, people will criticize you for being a "goody two shoes." If you live a life of a rebel, and someone who doesn't take crap from anyone, people will criticize you for not conforming to societies rules. If you take the middle ground people will say that you don't take a stand on anything.
You cannot win - IF
you live your life according to what others deem what is "right" or "wrong." Once again Lucine jan, people will gossip, and they will criticize you REGARDLESS of what you do or don't do. Don't be deterred by what others think, you are your own person and you will have to answer for the choices that you make, if you are at peace with the choices which you make then that is what it is all about.
1) Bullies are, in their true persona; frightened, insecure, and wounded people who want to inflict others with the pain which they feel. To mask their pain and insecurities they present an image - an image of a; rough, tough, mean, etc., etc., person. Do not pay too much attention to their physical appearance, on the outside they may appear to "have it all" however on the inside they may be an emotional and spiritual DISASTER! When you shatter the image, you destroy the bully. Please understand that this is easy to say and may be difficult to do, and may take years to build up the inner strength and courage to feel secure and confident. It takes work which EVERYONE goes through. The bully is nothing more than an image. A true warrior has no need to make others frightened, or feel intimidated because he knows what he is capable of, i.e., there is no need for an image when there is substance. I have personally witnessed a "badass," belligerent, "mf'er" who spoke loudly of all the things he was "capable" of, reduced to essentially crawling for forgiveness, once all of his tactics proved ineffective. This was done without a single blow, it was something truly remarkable! Violence is never an answer or solution to anything, however, to defend yourself is your God given right! In my opinion, peaceful tactics are MUCH more effective than violent ones, however, in most cases. However if someone is absolutely determined to physically hurt you, you may have no other choice but to defend yourself physically.
2) Bullies look for an easy target in the same way a predator seeks out to attack the weak. Try to portray a strong and confident image until you build up the inner strength to brush them off as nothing more than a pest, in other words, fake it until you make it! Do not show that their words and criticisms affect you in any significant way - laughter is a very powerful tool, you can laugh it off, also, laughing at oneself is something we must all do more of. We aren't perfect beings and we all look or do dumb things sometimes, its okay to laugh at yourself sometimes - "you gotta roll with the punches," don't take it flush on the chin. When bullies come to the realization that their words are ineffective and cannot hurt you, they will have no other choice but to move on to the next target. YOU WIN!
3)Bullies live in a world of chaos, confusion, and uneasiness, they want to feel the peace of mind which you possess, DO NOT let them take that from you! Let them live in their world, and you live in yours. A person who is at peace with him/herself would never act out in a manner that hurts or harms others. Do NOT pray for bad things to happen to them, instead pray that they may also find and experience true Peace, for then they will have no reason to hurt others.
Hope this helps!
* THESE ARE ONLY MY OPINIONS. IT AMY OR MAY NOT WORK FOR YOU SO TAKE THEM FOR WHAT THEY ARE - MY OPINIONS
Posted 31 March 2010 - 07:39 PM
Welcome to Hyeforum and I hope that you will get some good advice from our members. Just to let you know that it would be helpful if you give us a little bit more info as to where is this bullying happening and with whom? Such as family, friends or at work. If it's at work which I'm assuming it to be, it depends if the person is a colleague or a manager of yours.
But in a nutshell, as Moushegh pointed it out you need to work on your self confidence and your sensitivity. Sometimes a thicker skin will do miracles.
Wish you good luck.
Posted 01 April 2010 - 01:59 AM
I dont want to go into too much detail it is more of a general question because I often find myself getting easily upset when people start making sadistic remarks or are bullying in usually subtle ways or otherwise.
I try not to take their comments or actions personally but often, find this difficult. So yes, I do agree that I have to work on my self-confidence and sensitivity.
Edited by Lucine, 01 April 2010 - 02:02 AM.
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