20 replies to this topic

[ayleena]

I have fallen in love with a non-Armenian and I am having a difficult time having my family accept her. She is perfect for me and the only thing that is stopping us from moving forward with our relationship is my family. I feel hurt when they talk bad about her and feel so much pressure from them. The thing is I not only fell in love with a non-Armenian, but I feel in love with a beautiful Asian (Filipino) woman who embodies all the traditional ethics, morals and values that I love.

I am sure there are many Armenians out there (especially in California) that have had relationships like mine and I am seeking advice on how I can deal with this situation. Although our cultures are different, I find that they are somewhat similar with regards to both valuing family and tradition.

I seek advice on how to make my family as well as the community accept this unusual, yet very true and loving relationship that I am involved in.

[Angelina]

Hi Ayleena


I do not think you can make your parents to like her, it is something that comes from inside of their hearts most of the parents do not aprove inter-racial marriges. They might get over that later in life, but it is still hard to predict whether they will or not. I think now you are in love, and you do not see what your parents see and think is the right thing for you to do. I am not saying Armenians better then any other nations it is just hard for most of us to accept people who do not belong to our culture, religion or language. My advice to you will be do not rush and get married right a way take your time and get to know her really well, and after while you will make your conclusion if she is the really the one you want to spend your life with or you really would like to have someone who shares your own culture, traditon and religion.

Good luck I hope everything works out for you and your family.

[Stormig]

Move out of home if you have the resources to. It would help with future relationships even if not with this one. Screw family. They are a liability.

[Angelina]

Move out of home if you have the resources to. It would help with future relationships even if not with this one. Screw family. They are a liability.

Screw family Place yourself in parent situation and your kid is answereing the same answer as you advicing to others. How would you feel? Wasn't your parent who rased you? educated you? etc.. and after all you say screw them? Sometimes we think we are too smart, but ignoring our parents is not the right answer. Just for sure i know one thing what goes around comes around if you ingnore your parents, the time will come to you to.

[Sip]

Ayleena, are you male or female?

[Stormig]

Screw family Place yourself in parent situation and your kid is answereing the same answer as you advicing to others. How would you feel? Wasn't your parent who rased you? educated you? etc.. and after all you say screw them? Sometimes we think we are too smart, but ignoring our parents is not the right answer. Just for sure i know one thing what goes around comes around if you ingnore your parents, the time will come to you to.

I didn't ask them to bear me and then on top of that stick their big noses in everything I do. I've always made my decisions and have RARELY regretted it. What shortcomings I have or things I have missed in life have been due to "tempering" myself according to what they say or do. And it's not like I am a party animal or an irresponsible piece of s**t. So BS. Screw them. They are the ones who should figure they aren't so smart sometimes. I have BRAINS, you know. And all that BS about whether they didn't give me education is just that - BS. I don't know of too many people who will not afford the best for their children, if for no other reason than to boast around about where they go. Oh, if you are talking about manners, they have a few things to learn from me.

[Accelerated]

....sounds like one messed-up family

[Angelina]

I didn't ask them to bear me and then on top of that stick their big noses in everything I do. I've always made my decisions and have RARELY regretted it. What shortcomings I have or things I have missed in life have been due to "tempering" myself according to what they say or do. And it's not like I am a party animal or an irresponsible piece of s**t. So BS. Screw them. They are the ones who should figure they aren't so smart sometimes. I have BRAINS, you know. And all that BS about whether they didn't give me education is just that - BS. I don't know of too many people who will not afford the best for their children, if for no other reason than to boast around about where they go. Oh, if you are talking about manners, they have a few things to learn from me.

But we were not talking of sticking their noses in personal matters this is completely different issue. As you said you always made your decision that is a good sign you are independent and that is great, having respect has nothing to do with your own decision-making. I hope you are getting my point.

Oh, if you are talking about manners, they have a few things to learn from me.

Well it seems to me you grow up in environment where you did not receive enough love or at least something was missing because of the way you write. Sounds like you are really hurt I am not quite sure what they have done in your life that made you to dislike them. Honestly I am speechless I can not really tell what they have done to you that makes you feel this way.


Note: Angelina, I fixed your quotes , vava

Edited by vava, 01 January 2004 - 11:05 PM.

[Stormig]

The two cannot and should not be taken at hand separately. Consider - not that they would, though surprises are not lacking nowadays, but if my family did something as ridiculous as bringing in a suitor for the whole coffee spiel, I wouldn't look at their faces again. According to them, it is "caring for me," but in truth, it is nothing but disrespect toward me - my lifestyle, who I am, what I am, what I have put effort to become (it is always them supervising our upbringing, supposedly - how about giving me credit and acknowledging we are different beyond mortal belief and that I don't keep failing in life for it?). It is supposedly "looking out" for me, but it is nothing other than sating their paranoia and their so-called "dreams" for me with utter disregard and disrespect for MY individuality. Yes, I can see it from their eyes/viewpoint very well - ignorance of my generation, lack of trust because what I try to communicate back is either not understood, not tried to be understood, not seen as worth being tried to be understood, or just disregarded as goodness knows what else, all the while I get all sorts of freak-out about everything I do, from more important things down to why I eat my salad separately from the rest of the dish. I have never been the rebellious kid type, but it is getting too much because regardless of that I am not someone to be told what to do. It is ALL about themselves - consciously and unconsciously so. It is not that this is the case, up to a point, that I am angry about. You can't be angry at a puppy for crying upon separation from its mother - it is instinctive for it to want mother's warmth ("love"). It is about being so damn unaware about this instinctive thing and how detrimental it is, so as to think it is the law or something. People progress when they have a better understanding of their nature, not necessarily suppressing it. But not making that effort leads to Neanderthal parents. Everyone has a right to tell at what point their upbringing and their burden on their parents has been appropriately recognized as a responsibility. Otherwise, giving birth to children, loving them, getting them to grow up, etc., are things Muslim nations with population doubling time of a quarter century do in abundance. Needless to say, they don't have much regard for individuals, either. Everyone is born into a program, stick with it or you end up in jail.
As far as marital matters are concerned, NOBODY, NO-ONE, not even a parent, has a right to object or even suggest otherwise, UNLESS their opinion is asked. Everyone learns their lessons themselves, not through meddling - this is not your grandfather's damn village. Where I come from, people hurtle their opinions right and left before it is asked or even when it is told that it is not interested in, and parents do this to the point of being abusive - quite Near Eastern, I should say.
I can't understand this thing with taking into account what parents think in decisions that concern you and ONE OTHER person. I mean, if I hadn't had earfuls of everything until now, I would probably have had the goodwill to out of formality ask for their blessing or some such crap. But things come to the point where you are sick of hearing "Wolf wolf wolf!" and Peter is left with a herd of slaughtered sheep. And what next, are we going to ask for our employer's approval for marriage and divorce like they do in China?

[vava]

Wow. Stormy I had no idea...

Obviously you're not being listened to - and that happens all the time between children & their parents. Parents (often, traditional parents) hear what they wish to hear, and subconciously block-out that which they don't. Communication can be a big stumbling block... I can't help but think that a large part of the problem is generational.

I do have one thing to say though: it would be a shame to let things build until you're all past the point of no return - when there's so much hurt, that reconciliation becomes impossible. After all, your folks DO love you (it may not seem that way now...) and they likely DO want what's best for you. It's just the gap between the two perspectives is too great for them. Do you think that a greater understanding of their generation and way of doing things, might help you approach these subjects with them in a different matter - one that they would be better able to understand? ie. If they're religious, you could get a religious representative to help mediate etc... Obviously the onus will be on you to bring about resolutions - our parents generations aren't too keen on compromises, and especially not taking the first step...

(I'm not trying to belittle the problem BTW, and you may have already tried - just trying to suggest a possible solution that would get you and your folks on more convergent paths)

[Armine3773]

My parents would disown me if I EVER married a non armeninan. It's the truth.

Edited by Armine3773, 16 January 2004 - 11:52 PM.

[gevo27]

First i want to address Storm.. You cant not love your family! and if you love them you cant say screw them. There is noone in the world you will find that you can always go back to, nomatter how bad they have been to you storm... trust me i dont have a smooth time with my family either, but we always just leave things behind us and a parents love can only be exceeded by God.....

Ayleena jan, i almost have the same problem, except i never let myself or this other girl (american) get """that""" close to me.. or atleast never let the issue be braught up.. we are more than just friends and we both know it.. but in the back of my mind i always hear my parents of what they would say about her... I dont think they would be able to accept her as family, and if i were to let myself and her get cloe enough for the question of marriage,, then my parents would be outraged...

I understand all the issues of inter-racial marriages, and even the bible hints at inter-racila relations... but i cant answer the question when she asks me "well what if we really really love eachother, why would it be wrong"? i cant answer this, and my parents cant either, they just say NO!..

SO heck i need help on this issue too.. lol...

[Anonymouse]

As my mother uttered, "Aryoonuh joor chi darna".

[Anonymouse]

But then someone else uttered "Love has no boundaries".

So do whatever you want, just don't harm anyone, or I'll come for you.

[Valantina]

She is perfect for me and the only thing that is stopping us from moving forward with our relationship is my family.

I understant this is a very deficult situation

But my advice are:
No matter what situations are and how bad things are, dont you ever push your family OR choose someone else over them!
i know how you feel to hear them talking bad about her but you cant blame them ! if you want to keep both of them in ur life then i suggest u that you should be patient and u have to make some sacrifices

i will finish this later lol ...i have to go now sorry lol

[Anonymouse]

I understant this is a very deficult situation

But my advice are:
No matter what situations are and how bad things are, dont you ever push your family OR choose someone else over them!
i know how you feel to hear them talking bad about her but you cant blame them ! if you want to keep both of them in ur life then i suggest u that you should be patient and u have to make some sacrifices

i will finish this later lol ...i have to go now sorry lol

Valantina. You look pretty hot judging from your avatar. Would you like to marry me? Then we can have our very own thread!

[gevo27]

anonymous, ""judging from your avater""??? lmao.. what u think of me judging from my avater??

[Anonymouse]

anonymous, ""judging from your avater""??? lmao.. what u think of me judging from my avater??

I think you play lots of Nardi.

[gevo27]

LMAO.. dorde besh.. HEHE...... not at all anon,, bad judgment,, i woner what valentine is really like then.. hmmm?????

[Anonymouse]

LMAO.. dorde besh.. HEHE...... not at all anon,, bad judgment,, i woner what valentine is really like then.. hmmm?????

Avatars can be misleading indeed. But not mine. What you see is what you get.