Inter-racial Relationships
#1
Posted 26 December 2003 - 09:37 AM
I am sure there are many Armenians out there (especially in California) that have had relationships like mine and I am seeking advice on how I can deal with this situation. Although our cultures are different, I find that they are somewhat similar with regards to both valuing family and tradition.
I seek advice on how to make my family as well as the community accept this unusual, yet very true and loving relationship that I am involved in.
#2
Posted 27 December 2003 - 01:35 PM
I do not think you can make your parents to like her, it is something that comes from inside of their hearts most of the parents do not aprove inter-racial marriges. They might get over that later in life, but it is still hard to predict whether they will or not. I think now you are in love, and you do not see what your parents see and think is the right thing for you to do. I am not saying Armenians better then any other nations it is just hard for most of us to accept people who do not belong to our culture, religion or language. My advice to you will be do not rush and get married right a way take your time and get to know her really well, and after while you will make your conclusion if she is the really the one you want to spend your life with or you really would like to have someone who shares your own culture, traditon and religion.
Good luck I hope everything works out for you and your family.
#3
Posted 27 December 2003 - 03:17 PM
#4
Posted 31 December 2003 - 11:24 PM
Screw family Place yourself in parent situation and your kid is answereing the same answer as you advicing to others. How would you feel? Wasn't your parent who rased you? educated you? etc.. and after all you say screw them? Sometimes we think we are too smart, but ignoring our parents is not the right answer. Just for sure i know one thing what goes around comes around if you ingnore your parents, the time will come to you to.
#5
Posted 31 December 2003 - 11:53 PM
#6
Posted 01 January 2004 - 11:23 AM
I didn't ask them to bear me and then on top of that stick their big noses in everything I do. I've always made my decisions and have RARELY regretted it. What shortcomings I have or things I have missed in life have been due to "tempering" myself according to what they say or do. And it's not like I am a party animal or an irresponsible piece of s**t. So BS. Screw them. They are the ones who should figure they aren't so smart sometimes. I have BRAINS, you know. And all that BS about whether they didn't give me education is just that - BS. I don't know of too many people who will not afford the best for their children, if for no other reason than to boast around about where they go. Oh, if you are talking about manners, they have a few things to learn from me.
#7
Posted 01 January 2004 - 06:27 PM
#8
Posted 01 January 2004 - 06:44 PM
But we were not talking of sticking their noses in personal matters this is completely different issue. As you said you always made your decision that is a good sign you are independent and that is great, having respect has nothing to do with your own decision-making. I hope you are getting my point.
Well it seems to me you grow up in environment where you did not receive enough love or at least something was missing because of the way you write. Sounds like you are really hurt I am not quite sure what they have done in your life that made you to dislike them. Honestly I am speechless I can not really tell what they have done to you that makes you feel this way.
Note: Angelina, I fixed your quotes , vava
Edited by vava, 01 January 2004 - 11:05 PM.
#9
Posted 02 January 2004 - 09:12 AM
As far as marital matters are concerned, NOBODY, NO-ONE, not even a parent, has a right to object or even suggest otherwise, UNLESS their opinion is asked. Everyone learns their lessons themselves, not through meddling - this is not your grandfather's damn village. Where I come from, people hurtle their opinions right and left before it is asked or even when it is told that it is not interested in, and parents do this to the point of being abusive - quite Near Eastern, I should say.
I can't understand this thing with taking into account what parents think in decisions that concern you and ONE OTHER person. I mean, if I hadn't had earfuls of everything until now, I would probably have had the goodwill to out of formality ask for their blessing or some such crap. But things come to the point where you are sick of hearing "Wolf wolf wolf!" and Peter is left with a herd of slaughtered sheep. And what next, are we going to ask for our employer's approval for marriage and divorce like they do in China?
#10
Posted 02 January 2004 - 11:04 AM
Obviously you're not being listened to - and that happens all the time between children & their parents. Parents (often, traditional parents) hear what they wish to hear, and subconciously block-out that which they don't. Communication can be a big stumbling block... I can't help but think that a large part of the problem is generational.
I do have one thing to say though: it would be a shame to let things build until you're all past the point of no return - when there's so much hurt, that reconciliation becomes impossible. After all, your folks DO love you (it may not seem that way now...) and they likely DO want what's best for you. It's just the gap between the two perspectives is too great for them. Do you think that a greater understanding of their generation and way of doing things, might help you approach these subjects with them in a different matter - one that they would be better able to understand? ie. If they're religious, you could get a religious representative to help mediate etc... Obviously the onus will be on you to bring about resolutions - our parents generations aren't too keen on compromises, and especially not taking the first step...
(I'm not trying to belittle the problem BTW, and you may have already tried - just trying to suggest a possible solution that would get you and your folks on more convergent paths)
#11
Posted 16 January 2004 - 11:52 PM
Edited by Armine3773, 16 January 2004 - 11:52 PM.
#12
Posted 17 January 2004 - 12:09 AM
Ayleena jan, i almost have the same problem, except i never let myself or this other girl (american) get """that""" close to me.. or atleast never let the issue be braught up.. we are more than just friends and we both know it.. but in the back of my mind i always hear my parents of what they would say about her... I dont think they would be able to accept her as family, and if i were to let myself and her get cloe enough for the question of marriage,, then my parents would be outraged...
I understand all the issues of inter-racial marriages, and even the bible hints at inter-racila relations... but i cant answer the question when she asks me "well what if we really really love eachother, why would it be wrong"? i cant answer this, and my parents cant either, they just say NO!..
SO heck i need help on this issue too.. lol...
#13
Posted 17 January 2004 - 03:57 AM
#14
Posted 18 January 2004 - 05:11 AM
So do whatever you want, just don't harm anyone, or I'll come for you.
#15
Posted 18 January 2004 - 02:46 PM
I understant this is a very deficult situation
But my advice are:
No matter what situations are and how bad things are, dont you ever push your family OR choose someone else over them!
i know how you feel to hear them talking bad about her but you cant blame them ! if you want to keep both of them in ur life then i suggest u that you should be patient and u have to make some sacrifices
i will finish this later lol ...i have to go now sorry lol
#16
Posted 18 January 2004 - 03:42 PM
But my advice are:
No matter what situations are and how bad things are, dont you ever push your family OR choose someone else over them!
i know how you feel to hear them talking bad about her but you cant blame them ! if you want to keep both of them in ur life then i suggest u that you should be patient and u have to make some sacrifices
i will finish this later lol ...i have to go now sorry lol
Valantina. You look pretty hot judging from your avatar. Would you like to marry me? Then we can have our very own thread!
#17
Posted 19 January 2004 - 12:39 AM
#18
Posted 19 January 2004 - 12:46 AM
I think you play lots of Nardi.
#19
Posted 19 January 2004 - 01:03 AM
#20
Posted 19 January 2004 - 01:06 AM
Avatars can be misleading indeed. But not mine. What you see is what you get.
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