29 replies to this topic

[Alexx]

Many Armenian parents sacrifice everything for their kids when they decide to immigrate to the United States. Mine did and I am forever grateful. I would do the same for my baby boy. But what about Armenian WOMEN sacrificing their marital happiness for their kids. I would like to share personal experience to explain what I mean. I have aunts and uncles, neighbors, acquaintances who have bee married for over many years. In almost all cases the women in those marriages have endured some type of violence from their spouse--beatings, having knives thrown at them, not to mention incredible amount of verbal abuse. Yet, they are still married and when asked why they continued to stay in the marriage, ALL have answered that it was for their kids. They didn't want their kids to be raised without a father and be scrutinized by their peers. They also hoped that their husbands would change. After years and years of abuse in their ealy years of marriage, they are still married today and are not being abused (at least not physically) anymore.
But is it worth to waste your young life with hopes that one day it might get better? We had a young woman in our neighborhood who wanted to divorce her husband because he was violent towards her when drunk and had refused to get help. She was scrutinized by her own mother and most women. The popular argument was that she "deserved" it because she "backtalked" to her husband and was basically "asking" for it. IMO, this kind of violent behavior is inexcusable, not matter what the circumstances.

[Azat]

agree 100%. I hate, hate HATE a-holes who abuse anyone especially their wives and kids. These are the morons who should get scrutinized by everyone and not the abusee. I just find these kind of imbeciles despicable.

[Accelerated]

Physical violence is certainly inexcusable, but a woman can really get on ones nerves sometimes. Im not married (and dont have a g/f), but sometimes my friends g/fs get to me. Usually I let it go (ie. dont say anything), but on some occasions I have been very close to (verbally) lashing out.

[hyebruin]

hmmm, you guys are all on my 'good list' now for sure!! ...violence is certainly inexcusable, but then again these women(NO!! ALLLLLLLLLLLLL WOMEN!!!) should reallllllllllllllllllllly think long and hard before marrying someone! if they're not going to be moving in with him, at least live with him for a while...spend time at his place and get to see what he's REALLY LIKE!!---talk about beliefs and what each wants from marital life...kids, careers,...how many times a day (just kidding,...maybe not!) ...and if the person is trying to hide something or evading some questions, then you know what's up, and won't be surprised when your prince turns into a frog...or worse..a BEAST!!!

[Sip]

but then again these women(NO!! ALLLLLLLLLLLLL WOMEN!!!) should reallllllllllllllllllllly think long and hard before marrying someone!

Oh COME ON. That really belongs in the girls and black guys thread and NOT here.

Nice post Alexx.

[Sasun]

I think it is a very valuable tradition in our culture. Maybe the kids who benefit from such sacrifice will appreciate and learn a lesson and not be like their fathers. I find it very selfish that in America (and most Western countries) a much smaller problems than wife abuse lead families to divorce and leave the kids like that.

[hyebruin]

Oh COME ON. That really belongs in the girls and black guys thread and NOT here.     

Nice post Alexx.

oh come on sip! ...better to be safe than sorry, right? we're talking about guys we DON'T KNOW!!! or those who like to take the girl to the cleaners or ...i don't know...some dysfunctional loser with many many MANY issues...you cuddley gentle giant ~~~we're not talking about your sweet kind here!

[Alexx]

Physical violence is certainly inexcusable, but a woman can really get on ones nerves sometimes.

Same goes for men!

[Alexx]

I think it is a very valuable tradition in our culture. Maybe the kids who benefit from such sacrifice will appreciate and learn a lesson and not be like their fathers. I find it very selfish that in America (and most Western countries) a much smaller problems than wife abuse lead families to divorce and leave the kids like that.

IMO, it's much more important for kids to grow up in a pysically and psychologically safe, healthy environment even if that means residing with one parent. I know women think that they're doing the right thing by staying in the abusive relationship, but ultimately they end up hurting their kids more than anything. Imagine how psychologically damaging it would be to see your mother get abused day in and day out. Wouldn't it be better to live with one parent and still maintain relationship with the other? I think it may have been for my cousin--a grown man today who still suffers from damage he sustained as a child (his hands shake and in general he is very anxiety prone) witnessing his mom get beat on daily basis.

I totally agree with your last statement though. What about "you're out the door as soon as you hit 18" philosophy in this country? In general, Armenian mothers mourn if their kids decide to move out while the American ones celebrate.

[Sasun]

Alexx, that's a good point. It seems that there is a tradeoff between not having a father and having an abusing father. If both parents are willing to sacrifice for their child they will figure out what is best and be together or separate accordingly.

What about "you're out the door as soon as you hit 18" philosophy in this country? In general, Armenian mothers mourn if their kids decide to move out while the American ones celebrate

We shouldn't be surprised then why American kids abandon their parents in old houses. You get what you give.

[THOTH]

IMO, it's much more important for kids to grow up in a pysically and psychologically safe, healthy environment even if that means residing with one parent. I know women think that they're doing the right thing by staying in the abusive relationship, but ultimately they end up hurting their kids more than anything. Imagine how psychologically damaging it would be to see your mother get abused day in and day out. Wouldn't it be better to live with one parent and still maintain relationship with the other? I think it may have been for my cousin--a grown man today who still suffers from damage he sustained as a child (his hands shake and in general he is very anxiety prone) witnessing his mom get beat on daily basis.

I totally agree with your last statement though. What about "you're out the door as soon as you hit 18" philosophy in this country? In general, Armenian mothers mourn if their kids decide to move out while the American ones celebrate.

Agree very much with your post here Alexx 9and I have liked others of yours that I have read) - welcome to our forum!

As for moving out of the house at 18...well I couldn't get out fast enough...I certainly love/loved my parents...but my mother was a typical Armenian mother (on steroids) and i just couldn't handle the control factor that she seemed to think went with the parent-child relationship (and she still thinks - LOL) and in fact even though I am married with a wife and children I'm sure she would still want me to move back in under her roof! LOL And I'm not at all exaggerating...you wouldn't believe how - after I moved out - then later away to another city - she kept trying to reel me back in (and no cahance at all for that - i love her - but no way could I ever handle [all] that [love] again....LOL)

[Varduhi]

talk about beliefs and what each wants from marital life...kids, careers,...how many times a day

hyebruin

Also I have noticed that many Armenian guys come across very sweet and caring at the beginning of their relationship, then all of the sudden they turn into abusing animals after the marriage. PUNKS............ I truly disrespect and hate guys who do that and i also hate when KHUJAN guys end up with HAMEST/KHELATSI wife. WHY WHY WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN? I've noticed this kind of situations a lot among our Armenians.

[Azat]

That happens because women are shallow(I know not all, but many). they talk one thing and they do another. They all say they want a nice guy but gravitate toward the punks who end up abusing them and treating them like crap, but I guess that is what they like.

Anyways, got to run. talk to you all later.

[THOTH]

Azat - I'm not sure that it is what they like...but there is na issue regarding the type of guys that many women are atraccted to (that get the juices flowing as it were) - and often - while these guys might be exciting and might be percieved as someone notworthy or what have you - to be seen with -0 they often are not really great boyfriend (loving & caring and all that) material...shame really that (some/many) gals are as you say - shallow - or at least not understanding of these things...

[Bones98]

I see many beating and abuses in armenian marriages for example when my mom and dad were married, my dad beat my mom really bad. SO I think parents
should look after their kids who are married to try and regulate anything wrong going on.

[CheekY]

my dad used to beat my mom too...still does sometimes...rarely....and she never thought of leaving him "for her kids' sake" i guess...something i wouldn't do...

[KavorKin99]

I think it is wrong to have an abusive parent in a family it causes depression and a broken family...(like ma cuz her father like hits her mom) it's sad it's really emotional but the mom trys to keep everything koo for her daughter

[THOTH]

Yeah - Bones & Skittles and al - lets hear it for "traditional" marraiges eh? Disgusting...I can hardly stand even hearing about men who beat their wives...such pathetic bahavior...what kind of men are these who could do such...and then we hear all this about Armenian women being put on a pedestal etc - well this doesn't buy it IMO...and this is indicative of the problems inherent in a "traditional" relatiohship...its more akin to slavery...and makes no sense to me what so ever...sure its good for men with real self image issues and women who are just too ignorant/uninformed to know better...

[CheekY]

i think they use violence to "teach" their wives a lesson... they can't accept that a woman can actually have a mind of her own and want to do some things her way!
once i heard a guy say if the wife doesn't obey her "man"(in this case) he should just bang on her head once and she'll be good again... i don't know if it was a joke or if he was serious but i was REALLY offended!!

psychos!!



at first they're like " " then after the wedding

[Stormig]

Sometimes I wonder what being an Amazon would've been like. Looks pretty cool, actually.