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Maral's Jokesssssssss of the day


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#1 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:22 PM

One day Bill Clinton visited Syria and met with Hafiz Esad. Hafiz arranged a city tour around Damascus to show Clinton how beautiful the city is (!) They took a limo and started driving around the city.

Soon after they started Clinton saw a man in the middle of the road urinating. He showed it to Hafiz and said "Oh Hafiz this is disgusting, this is very bad bla bla bla".

Hafiz told his men to kill the guy. They killed the guy and started touring again. A couple of minutes again Clinton saw another man doing the same thing and showed it to Hafiz and said bad things again.

Hafiz ordered his men to kill the guy. The same story is repeated for many times and at the end of the day there were hundreds of Syrians killed because of the same reason. Clinton finished his visit and returned to America but before this he also invited Hafiz to America.

A couple of months later Hafiz went to America. Now it was Hafiz's turn to see Washington. They started the tour. Hafiz was hoping to see something bad. Hours passed everything was perfect clean and beautiful. Hafiz was about to be disappointed before he saw a men urinating in the middle of the city. He was very happy to take revenge. He showed it to Clinton and said "Oh Bill, this is very bad, disgusting bla bla bla". Clinton was very embarrassed of course and ordered his men to kill the guy. Then they finished the tour.

Next morning there was a news in Washington Post: "Syrian ambassador was killed in the middle of the city with no reason"

#2 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:23 PM

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male..........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..........Playing football without a cup.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...........Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...........Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male..........Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...........A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male...........Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...........A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

#3 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:24 PM

Ugly people

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and
everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their Maker, end because of the
grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before
they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I
want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The
second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another
snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last
guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy
is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off. Finally, God reaches this
guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says:"Make
'em all ugly again."

#4 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:25 PM

1. Blojneru - the Beatles
2. Drneru - the Doors
3. Annasoonneru - the Animals
4. Gldrvogh karreru - the Rolling Stones
5. Askhadogh marteek - Men at Work
6. Ov - the who
7. Assa ov - the Guess Who
8. Siroon jahel martagerrner - Fine Young Cannibals
9. Hagop Dertsag - James Taylor
10. Saru ev poghostayinnerru - Kool and the Gang
11. Dzovappi Dgheku - The Beach Boys
12. Trchoonnerru - the Birds
13. Mammanerru ev babbanerru - The Mamas and the Papas
14. Yerek shan geesher - Three Dog Night
15. Jefferson Samalyod - Jefferson Airplane

#5 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:28 PM

>*
>A "modern" Islamic couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets with
>their Mullah for counseling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions
>before they leave.
>
>The man asks, "We realize it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with
>men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception,
>we'd like your permission to dance together."
>
>"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance
>separately."
>
>"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"
>"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."
>
>"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"
>"Of course!," replies the Mullah, "Allah ho Akbar! Sex is OK within
>marriage, to have children!"
>
>"What about different positions?" asks the man.
>"Allah ho Akbar! No problem," says the Mullah.
>
>"Woman on top?" the man asks.
>"Sure," says the Mullah. "Allah ho Akbar. Go for it!"
>
>"Doggy style?"
>"Sure! Allah ho Akbar!"
>
>"On the kitchen table?"
>"Yes, yes! Allah ho Akbar!"
>
>"Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a
>bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of
>honey and a porno video?"
>
>"You may indeed. Allah ho Akbar!"
>
>"Can we do it standing up?"
>"No." says the Mullah."
>
>"Why not?" asks the man.
>"Because that could lead to dancing."

#6 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:29 PM

Another "virus" out there!

If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes, " delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto-dial to call only 900 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.

It will drink ALL your beer.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING??

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files,changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "Badtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, It will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you. Send to everyone
.....

In case you are a blonde, this is a joke.

#7 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:31 PM

Thought I would just post all my jokes here!
Aren't you all lucky!??? biggrin.gif

#8 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:33 PM

WHAT DO YOU CALL A....

- what do you call an empty bus?
BUSBARAB
-what do you call a ship that goes straight?
SHIPSHIDAG
-what do you call a horse from Melbourne?
MELBOURNTZI
-what do you call a church parking lot?
PARK ASDZOH
-what do you call a stupid president?
ABUSH
-what do you call a guy under power?
VAROOJ
-what do you call a Kevork dancing?
BARKEV
-what do you call half a rose?
VARTGES
-what do you call a quiet cat?
SOOSIG POOSIG
-what would you call a windy abba concert?
ABBAHOV

#9 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:35 PM

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St.. Peter
checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer--you're
in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level
of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building
improvements.

After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets
and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a
sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies,

"Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and
flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this
engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a
mistake! He should never have gotten down there; send him up
here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff,
and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And
just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

#10 angel4hope

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:38 PM

haha maral ur funny--cute jokes wink.gif

#11 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:40 PM

The 5 Story Hotel

A group of girlfriends went on vacation and they see a five
story hotel with a sign that reads "For Women Only". Since
they were without their boyfriends, they decide to go in.

The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it
works. "We have 5 floors... go up floor by floor, and once you
find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to
decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside."

So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads
"All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive
and kind." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on
to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads "All the men here are
wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly".

This wasn't going to do, so the friends move up to the third
floor where the sign read "All the men here are great lovers
and sensitive to the needs of women." This was good but there
were still two more floors.

On to the fourth floor, the sign was Perfect. "All the men here
have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are
perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight."

The women seemed pleased but they decide that they would
rather see what the fifth floor has to offer before they settle for
the fourth. When they reach the fifth floor, the sign reads:

"There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that
it is impossible to please a woman."

#12 angel4hope

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:40 PM

rotfl omgggggggggg thats hilarious!

#13 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:42 PM

biggrin.gif

#14 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:44 PM

Health Facts


A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
the British or Americans.

cool.gif On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.

C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.

D) The Italians and French drink excessive amounts of red wine and also
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills
you

#15 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:46 PM

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES ... (READ THEM OUT LOUD)
1) That's not right.....................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?........Hu Yu Hai Ding?
3) See me ASAP..........................Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man...........................Dum Gai
5) Small horse..........................Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?.............Wai Yu So Tan?
7) I bumped into a coffee table.........Ai Bang Mai Ni
8) I think you need a face lift.........Chin Tu Fat
9) This is a tow away zone...............No Pah King
10) He's cleaning his automobile........Wa Shing Ka
11) Your body odor is offensive.........Yu Stin Ki Pu
12) Geat................................Fu Kin Su Pah

#16 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:51 PM

LAWYERS

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off you when you die.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his ass.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they
cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----

Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
"$50.00 for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully
steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what's your third
question?..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have
a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the lawyer... Twice!...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

#17 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 07:53 PM

Man's health...God and the devil...

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,
green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's.

And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double
cheeseburger.

And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"

And Man said, "Supersize them."

And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might
keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad.

And Satan brought forth ice cream.

And Woman gained pounds.

And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables
and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it
needed its own platter.

And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to
lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would
not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.

And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally
low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them.

And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his
remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.

And Satan saw and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMO's :-)

#18 Sip

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 08:00 PM

Maral, I combined all the different threads into one joke thread. Next time you get the urge to spam us like this, please put them all in one thread smile.gif biggrin.gif

#19 Maral

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 08:04 PM

YES SIR rolleyes.gif

#20 ExtraHye

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Posted 17 December 2003 - 08:05 PM

QUOTE (Maral @ Dec 17 2003, 08:04 PM)
YES SIR rolleyes.gif

lol.gif lol.gif

Mr. Sip has spoken. laugh.gif




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