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#41 gdavidyan

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 12:11 PM

Lots of cultures say it is better to do it that way because the person you are marrying you know much better than a complete stranger, usually have more similar mindsets and usually create a stronger bond and marriage because you automatically like the person for how they are related to you.

#42 Arpa

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 12:45 PM

Letís go back to that idiotic story of Adam and Eve.
Whom did Adam marry?
Whom did their only surviving son Abel marry? An Eskimo or an Australian Maori? Is it as if there was much choice??
Who did our ancestors from villages, to be generous, of 100 inhabitants marry?
In the Armnian culture, a bride that may have been from another village was labeled as "gharib-alien, foreigner". When someone would ask "bayts quyrik ov e hars@", and she would answer, "chgitem quyrig. otar/gharib e" meaning, she was not Mshetsi, but a Sassuntsi.


#43 gdavidyan

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 01:01 PM

I've thought about both those scenarios, the second one not exactly like that but, similar. I fell in love with a girl, who happens to be my cousin, and I love her dearly and I want her by me for the rest of my life. Thank you for your help and support Arpa.

#44 Anonymouse

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 01:40 PM

I do not support you nor identify with you, partly because I do not believe you just "fall in love". Love, like anything else with ourselves, is a choice. It is a choice to allow yourself to fall, not the other way around. That is why I cannot support you in what you have done.

#45 Harut

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 03:39 PM

as far as legalities... there are 100s of lawyers who specialize in this very subject (marrige / bringing brides from overseas)... why don't you consult with them? they will walk you through all the processes that need to be done...

as far as the issue of marrying your cousin... why did you even have to mentiion it right from the beginning? you could start start a topic to seek help with bringing a bridge from overseas...

#46 Sip

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 04:19 PM

I don't see any problems with marrying one's cousin. The only problem might be if you want to have kids ... in that case, don't have your own ... just adopt one (maybe from Armenia).

#47 gdavidyan

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 07:52 PM

Yes, you are right, I shouldn't have said it was my cousin right off the back. I will consult a lawyer, because this seems like a hard topic. Someone said it is fraud, I don't see anything fraudulent, I am not lying in any papers.

Sip, thank you, we talked about that, and if our analysis say that we have a high chance of having an abnormal child, we will adopt a child from Armenia.

#48 aSoldier

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Posted 13 August 2007 - 07:01 AM

actually the chances of having an abnormal child only increase by 5% when it comes to cousins - my friends parents are cousins and all 3 of their children including himself turned out fine.

Edited by aSoldier, 13 August 2007 - 07:01 AM.


#49 gdavidyan

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Posted 13 August 2007 - 08:13 AM

Yeah, the chance of increase to have an abnormal child is not as much as people think.

#50 gdavidyan

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Posted 16 August 2007 - 02:43 PM

Can anyone please help me in anyway?

#51 gdavidyan

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Posted 16 August 2007 - 02:48 PM

I am going crazy to think that no one will allow her here with me, and I do not want to take the last resort of going to a different country with her, I will though if I have to.

#52 nairi

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Posted 16 August 2007 - 03:26 PM

Lord Byron shagged his half-sister.

I was attracted to a cousin a few years ago (a cousin I had not seen since I was 5 or so. I think I even wrote about it on this forum).

Can't help you on the U.S. thing, but I wonder how you are going to keep this a secret from the rest of your family forever.

Edited by nairi, 16 August 2007 - 03:27 PM.


#53 Anonymouse

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Posted 16 August 2007 - 03:29 PM

QUOTE(gdavidyan @ Aug 16 2007, 03:48 PM)
I am going crazy to think that no one will allow her here with me, and I do not want to take the last resort of going to a different country with her, I will though if I have to.


You should probably talk to an attorney who deals with immigration law and family law respectively. This is a legal matter. Forget the family, that is already phucked.

#54 gdavidyan

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Posted 16 August 2007 - 09:52 PM

Nairi, so I guess you know how I'm feeling. I got over this, before I saw her for the first time last year, and I had this lust for her. I loved her, but I would tell myself no, you are not in love with your cousin, that is disgusting, don't think like that. But I missed her so much that I bought tickets to go see her "one more time before she gets married and things won't be the same anymore." That was my excuse, that we wouldn't all play and talk together like before, but really I fell in love with her and I just wanted to see her. And when I saw her again, I don't know how the conversation came up to it, but we some how sensed it in ourselves and we were in love. At that time I was scared and thinking, "Sako, es inch kaki mech es kez kcum" but now I'm going crazy for her and I love her, and I will always treat her like a queen.

Anonymouse, you are right about the family and what I have to do. I made an appointment to see an immigration attorney next Friday.

I'm not going to keep it a secret from my family forever, after I graduate and get a job out of the state, we will move together to that state which is when I will call tell my mother and her mother. However, I don't think I'm going to tell them how we did everything.

Most Armenian guys in Armenia are very "khandot" (jealous) and very controlling of their wives. I don't want her marrying that type of guy, I know I will forever take good care of her and always try to keep a smile on her face, I love her and it doesn't matter to me anymore if she is my cousin.

You guys might now think I'm a liberal nut or something, but I was one of the most right winged conservatives when it came social issues, marriage, love, etc. A year and a half ago if someone said something like this I would tell them to shut up and get over it, and it's sick and nasty, but now that I'm in this position I now understand. My eyes are in tears as I type this, and I should stop listening to Armenchik, he makes me cry more.

#55 Anonymouse

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Posted 17 August 2007 - 05:07 PM

QUOTE(gdavidyan @ Aug 16 2007, 10:52 PM)
Anonymouse, you are right about the family and what I have to do. I made an appointment to see an immigration attorney next Friday.

I'm not going to keep it a secret from my family forever, after I graduate and get a job out of the state, we will move together to that state which is when I will call tell my mother and her mother. However, I don't think I'm going to tell them how we did everything.

Most Armenian guys in Armenia are very "khandot" (jealous) and very controlling of their wives. I don't want her marrying that type of guy, I know I will forever take good care of her and always try to keep a smile on her face, I love her and it doesn't matter to me anymore if she is my cousin.

You guys might now think I'm a liberal nut or something, but I was one of the most right winged conservatives when it came social issues, marriage, love, etc. A year and a half ago if someone said something like this I would tell them to shut up and get over it, and it's sick and nasty, but now that I'm in this position I now understand. My eyes are in tears as I type this, and I should stop listening to Armenchik, he makes me cry more.


When you see an attorney, tell him all the facts and make sure to tell him what you worry as the possible legal implications. Most attorneys provide a free consultation. If he takes the job there might be a retainer fee. If not, they may work on a contingency basis. Know this, this might not be cheap, but if you really love your cousin, err, this girl, then you should be willing to go through with the costs.

And by the way, don't be too "loving" trying to be the ideal romantic type like from the Arthurian romances. I understand you love the girl and all, but seriously dude. And what's this about being khandot is bad? Mi kich el petke khandot linel. Everything has its place. Sometimes you need to be rough and tough, sometimes you should be possessive and protective, and other times a "liberal nut". smile.gif

And seriously dude, you should get a grip. Be a man. Even if you love your cousin, stop sobbing and get a grip over yourself.

And by the way, any sensible Armenian should stop listening to Armenchik, Armen Aloyan, Tatoul, and any of them useless pieces of Turko-Asiatic influenced mongrels. Maybe if you stop listening to Armenchik and trash that CD, God will grant you a good attorney who can save your love. But first you must save yourself from that crying. Be a little mannish. Me thinks that, even if it's your cousin, girls are girls and they love a man more than half-a-man. smile.gif

Cheers mate.

Edited by Anonymouse, 17 August 2007 - 05:09 PM.


#56 gdavidyan

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Posted 17 August 2007 - 09:08 PM

Anonymouse, thanks a lot for your help and support. You're right about those singers. And you're right about still being "mikich khandot" and there are times when you have to be posessive and protective, and I know when I will use those limits. I'm talking about the ones that don't allow them to go to their aunt's house, their uncle's house, their mom's house, etc. I don't like that.

This is what I think I will do, I think I will break down decisions in the house half and half, but if it's a touchy decision or a big decision, I'll take her suggestion, but I'll make the final decision. For instance, if she wants to take the kids to dance lessons, a boy, I will say no, because boys and dance lessons in the U.S. is not a good idea. That's just an example.

Anonymouse, thank you, you've been very supportive, please know that you will have contributed to my happiness in my life.

#57 Harut

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Posted 18 August 2007 - 03:53 AM

this is a madness... i can't believe this... guess what i learned today... apperently, my first cousin's cousin (from the other parent's side) (whom she had not seen since baby years and whom has just returned from russia) is madly in love with her... and now she's absolutely fed up it (after months long explaining to him that "there is no way") and has let the entire family know about it (expect her father of course (we don't want any dead bodies around))...

#58 gdavidyan

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Posted 18 August 2007 - 10:34 AM

Harut, it is such a thing that is very hard. I did a lot of research about this, and really, there is almost no increase risk in birth defects and nowhere in the bible does it say you can not marry a cousin.

Also did research on falling in love with relatives, lots of scientists were saying that it could be that relatives are naturally attracted to each other, and when separated at birth, when remeeting eachother they fall in love.

Did you know that siblings separated for adoption from young ages go through counseling about not falling in love with their opposite sex sibling when remeeting them?

Yeah man, I'm seriously in love with my cousin and I want her to be with me in the U.S., I do not see anything wrong with being in love with me, a male being in love with another female.

#59 ED

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Posted 18 August 2007 - 11:48 AM

QUOTE(gdavidyan @ Aug 18 2007, 09:34 AM)
Harut, it is such a thing that is very hard. I did a lot of research about this, and really, there is almost no increase risk in birth defects and nowhere in the bible does it say you can not marry a cousin.

Also did research on falling in love with relatives, lots of scientists were saying that it could be that relatives are naturally attracted to each other, and when separated at birth, when remeeting eachother they fall in love.

Did you know that siblings separated for adoption from young ages go through counseling about not falling in love with their opposite sex sibling when remeeting them?

Yeah man, I'm seriously in love with my cousin and I want her to be with me in the U.S., I do not see anything wrong with being in love with me, a male being in love with another female.



de vartapet ari u mi gjvi!!!

che che.......I'm officialy on vacation to Hawaii and my pure breed dog German shepherd is probbly geting screewd by her own brother at kannals where I bought her from

Once in weeding there was this girl, at Armenian weeding, a persian! and she was having a blast singing with us and dancing, nice looking 40-ish women, someone asked me why she wouldent get married and start a family, she replied............I'M A DOOOOOOG, my father made me marry my first cousin when i was 15, she was in teers......






#60 Takoush

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Posted 18 August 2007 - 08:31 PM

Actually I know this family who's parents were cousins. The third child turned out to be not so good but the first one was the best of the three kids.

I don't think the Armenian Church even in the diaspora encourages or marries first cousins as you have been told above and as you know it already. I know that you are in love; but you are very young and in my opinion, you shouldn't marry at such a young and an immature age. Most guys in my opinion, is better when they marry at about the ages of 26 or 27. First, you have to be mature and know what you are getting into and be more established as a man before considering marriage. Marriage is not all fun (it is a great responsibility for yourself, for your wife and especially for your future children). Anyhow, nowadays young adults are marrying in their late twenties and well into their early thirties. They're getting full college education, getting a good job then considering marriage.

That's the better way; believe me gdavidyan for your sake listen to reason. I have nothing to gain by giving you my logical consent; but you have everything to gain in your life by listening to reason as some already advised you above.

Good luck!!! smile.gif



Edited by Anahid Takouhi, 18 August 2007 - 10:52 PM.





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