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#21 ALMA

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Posted 11 August 2007 - 03:47 PM

QUOTE(gdavidyan @ Aug 11 2007, 10:44 PM)
I know it sounds crazy, I don't know what I would've thought if someone else told me this. I would just tell them to shut up and get over it, but it is so difficult, the bond that we have together. Even before this happened, everywhere we would go people would say, "Es ov e, ko nshanac@."

I have a notarized translated copy of the marriage certificate and it is, "Married on which is registered in accordance with the Law in the Register Book on XX/XX/XXXX"

After the marrige registration they are given the last names:

Husband: XXXXXXXXX
Wife: XXXXXXXX

Anyways, you get the picture.

In the state I live in, it does not allow first cousin marriages, however, there are states which do, California is one of them, I'm thinking of moving to California to become a resident there and then file the petition rather than even more risking it here.

I know if I am caught they will probably assume it's fraud, but it's not fraud! I love her and I want to be with her.



Sorry to ask but how old are you and ho old is your cousin?


#22 MosJan

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Posted 11 August 2007 - 04:06 PM

gdavidyan do gites te inch problemneri araj es kangnats yev te inch problemner klinen yerb duq yerexa unenaq ??
99% dzer yerexaner@ normal chen linelu / manavand yerb morakan koghmits zarmikner eq

#23 gdavidyan

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Posted 11 August 2007 - 04:07 PM

21 / 23


#24 ALMA

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Posted 11 August 2007 - 04:12 PM

QUOTE(gdavidyan @ Aug 11 2007, 11:07 PM)
21 / 23


You are very young u mi or zxchaluyes ko ararki hamar, Mosjan is right. You seem to ignore the fact that your kids will surely be born abnormal. I don't blame you as much as I blame your SISTER. You have grown up in the US and your mentality is different but what about her? A 21 year old Hayastantsi girl surely can think enough as to know the result of your marriage. All I can say is that I'm sorry for you two. The best way is forgetting her.


#25 gdavidyan

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Posted 11 August 2007 - 04:22 PM

I can't forget her, that is not possible. I've thought over everything, whether I would regret it or not, and I wouldn't, I would regret it more if I am not with her.

I've done a lot of research on offspring with cousins. There is only a 1.7-3% increased risk with cousins (not talking about "hor expayr" children). The increased risk of abnormal children I have with her is equivlant to having a child with a woman who is 41 years old, statistically.

Before having children we will get tested, and if the doctors saying having children shouldn't be an option, that's alright with me. But I won't have children for another couple years and I've told her that. The only reason why I'm doing it so fast and early is so that her mother doesn't make her marry someone so her daughter doesn't become "Tun@ mnacac."

I don't know, all I know is I want her and I need some advice on how to bring her here, if I find that I am not able to do that, I will just have to run away somewhere else with her. If anyone can help in anyway, I will greatly appreciate it, if not, that's okay.

#26 DominO

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Posted 11 August 2007 - 04:26 PM

QUOTE(ALMA @ Aug 11 2007, 06:12 PM)
You are very young u mi or zxchaluyes ko ararki hamar, Mosjan is right. You seem to ignore the fact that your kids will surely be born abnormal. I don't blame you as much as I blame your SISTER. You have grown up in the US and your mentality is different but what about her? A 21 year old Hayastantsi girl surely can think enough as to know the result of your marriage. All I can say is that I'm sorry for you two. The best way is forgetting her.


To say the truth, it is not sure his kids will be born abnormal, it's actually a myth that they will. Birth defects for first cousins is about two-three fold higher than non-related marriage, which still is still significantly lower than 10%. Both of them should definitly have blood works to rule out some genetic conditions.

The main concern here is that they are young and the decision was taken too quickly. Generally couples should get married after at least a year or two of being together, not a month or two. He should have thought a little further before jumping in this. He'll bring the girl, change state and if it doesn't work it's too bad for the girl and him who will leave relatives and states behind for this. It is irresponsable.

#27 gdavidyan

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Posted 11 August 2007 - 04:56 PM

Actually it was a total of about 4 months that I lived in the same house and about 9 months apart in between my second visit.

I seriously considered everything I could think of and I do not feel that I am doing the wrong thing for her or I.

#28 kakachik77

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Posted 11 August 2007 - 07:07 PM

QUOTE(ALMA @ Aug 11 2007, 04:12 PM)
You are very young u mi or zxchaluyes ko ararki hamar, Mosjan is right. You seem to ignore the fact that your kids will surely be born abnormal. I don't blame you as much as I blame your SISTER. You have grown up in the US and your mentality is different but what about her? A 21 year old Hayastantsi girl surely can think enough as to know the result of your marriage. All I can say is that I'm sorry for you two. The best way is forgetting her.


I think she desperately wants to move to US and will do anything for that, I think she is probably faking this love and when she gets here she will divorce you.

Also, do you know that the Armenian community will NOT accept this so you basically have to live an isolated life.

#29 Ani

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Posted 11 August 2007 - 10:58 PM

QUOTE(ALMA @ Aug 11 2007, 05:12 PM)
You are very young u mi or zxchaluyes ko ararki hamar, Mosjan is right. You seem to ignore the fact that your kids will surely be born abnormal. I don't blame you as much as I blame your SISTER. You have grown up in the US and your mentality is different but what about her? A 21 year old Hayastantsi girl surely can think enough as to know the result of your marriage. All I can say is that I'm sorry for you two. The best way is forgetting her.


Alma jan...Girls in Armenia are very desperate nowadays, of course not all but most of them...Unfortunately

or else how can u guys explain...Someone divorced, in his 40s goes to Armenia frm US, finds a girl 15 yrs younger than him in 15 days, gets married and of course after proper paperwork brings her here,,,I know grls that do not have ANYone here...They just do that to go away from there...
I guess this is one of those cases...Unfortunately she ended up with her cousin...

I think not seeing her for 16 years is not an excuse...It happened to me with most of my cousins, but... thank god smile.gif

You guys, what you feel today is not gonna be the same after 10 years...What seems the end of the world when you're 21 looks nothing when you're 25...Think about what you're doing... Inchpes asumen 10 chapi, 1 ktri...After all feelings are not good leaders...



#30 Anonymouse

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 12:02 AM

This is one of the unique moments in message boards across the internet when the thread title is in sync with the thread starter's content.

Very aptly chosen title, sir.

#31 MosJan

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 12:44 AM

QUOTE(kakachik77 @ Aug 11 2007, 06:07 PM)
I think she desperately wants to move to US and will do anything for that, I think she is probably faking this love and when she gets here she will divorce you.

Also, do you know that the Armenian community will NOT accept this so you basically have to live an isolated life.



kakach jan he is not the first one - many many many ahve don it b4
i know 3 of them, 2 have kids w/ "pakas shariks"

#32 MosJan

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 12:49 AM




gdavidyan you need to talk to your parents !!
ask them if you cozen is your sister - she might be your twin sister / gaven to your Morqur by your mama and papa - then if it is you know it's not love it's the twins syndrome

#33 gdavidyan

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 01:15 AM

No, she is not desparate to come to the U.S. WE are the only family she has here, it's not that sort of a thing.

I can not talk to my parents about this, that is impossible, I will seriously be killed by my dad, and I'm not kidding, so will she. I know the Armenian community won't accept it and we will have to live like outcasts from other Armenians near, but I don't live in California and there aren't a lot of Armenians where I live, in fact, I know of none.

I've really thought about everything, and forgetting about her is just not an option for me.

#34 ALMA

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 06:49 AM

QUOTE(Domino @ Aug 11 2007, 11:26 PM)
To say the truth, it is not sure his kids will be born abnormal, it's actually a myth that they will. Birth defects for first cousins is about two-three fold higher than non-related marriage, which still is still significantly lower than 10%. Both of them should definitly have blood works to rule out some genetic conditions.

The main concern here is that they are young and the decision was taken too quickly. Generally couples should get married after at least a year or two of being together, not a month or two. He should have thought a little further before jumping in this. He'll bring the girl, change state and if it doesn't work it's too bad for the girl and him who will leave relatives and states behind for this. It is irresponsable.



Loll you seem to encourage this guy to carry on with the relationship smile.gif)))
I don't blame him nor the girl to be honest. If they haven't seen each other for 16 years and have known about each other only virtually there could be no sister/brother relationship between them. But yes couples should take their time before deciding about marriage. Its such a big step and it should be though very carefully.


#35 ALMA

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 06:51 AM

QUOTE(gdavidyan @ Aug 12 2007, 08:15 AM)
No, she is not desparate to come to the U.S. WE are the only family she has here, it's not that sort of a thing.

I can not talk to my parents about this, that is impossible, I will seriously be killed by my dad, and I'm not kidding, so will she. I know the Armenian community won't accept it and we will have to live like outcasts from other Armenians near, but I don't live in California and there aren't a lot of Armenians where I live, in fact, I know of none.

I've really thought about everything, and forgetting about her is just not an option for me.


Well if you do bring her over and move to another state I don't see why the Armenian community has to know you are relatives.

#36 ALMA

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 06:54 AM

QUOTE(MosJan @ Aug 12 2007, 07:49 AM)
gdavidyan you need to talk to your parents !!
ask them if you cozen is your sister - she might be your twin sister / gaven to your Morqur by your mama and papa - then if it is you know it's not love it's the twins syndrome


Have you heard the story of the twins in Yerevan? It was ages ago, yerkusnel mankatanneyin metsatsel heto amusnatsel, actually vstah chem yete zuyker ein yeghel bayts karevore kuyr u yeghpayr amusnatsel eyin heto imatsel. Kartsem tghan inknaspan er yeghel.

#37 ALMA

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 06:58 AM

QUOTE(Ani777 @ Aug 12 2007, 05:58 AM)
Alma jan...Girls in Armenia are very desperate nowadays, of course not all but most of them...Unfortunately

or else how can u guys explain...Someone divorced, in his 40s goes to Armenia frm US, finds a girl 15 yrs younger than him in 15 days, gets married and of course after proper paperwork brings her here,,,I know grls that do not have ANYone here...They just do that to go away from there...
I guess this is one of those cases...Unfortunately she ended up with her cousin...

I think not seeing her for 16 years is not an excuse...It happened to me with most of my cousins, but... thank god smile.gif

You guys, what you feel today is not gonna be the same after 10 years...What seems the end of the world when you're 21 looks nothing when you're 25...Think about what you're doing... Inchpes asumen 10 chapi, 1 ktri...After all feelings are not good leaders...


I know thatís very sad, 40 is not a big deal I know a man from Argentina he was in his late 60's and got married with a 20 year old and brought her over, she was really pretty, the man was filthy rich and she would not mind waiting a while to get hold of his fortune.


#38 Emil

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 08:57 AM

So what you going to do if/when she comes here? Pick her up at the airport and go live in Alaska?

#39 gdavidyan

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 11:26 AM

I have never had any sort of brother or sister relationship. I don't even call my cousins in Armenia axper or kuyrik. I never had that relationship. All my cousins from my dad's side live in the U.S. and I have had a relationship with them and never in my life would I imagine myself with them. Like I said, if it was me on the other end and I was reading someone else's story I would think "SICK" because I would think of my and my cousins that I have known. Because I never had that relationship with them, it didn't feel the same. Last year I came back from Armenia, and I was in denial that I was in love with my cousin, I didn't want to believe it, I was just telling myself no, no, no. I wanted to go back one more time and see her before she gets married with someone else is gone, and this time when I went to see her I stayed a little over two in a half months and on the third night I found out she had the same feelings for me and it just reciprocated.

No other Armenians have to know about us, and we don't have to move to Alaska. She's a very smart girl and has a degree that is accepted in the United States. As embarassing as it sounds, after she learns the language she will be making a lot more money than I am, because I have not graduated yet.

Also, I believe there was a mis understanding, she is 23 and I am 21. She also was surprised how she fell in love with me because I'm her cousin and she is two years older than me.

Forgetting her is just not an option for me and I am going to try everything I can to bring her here with me. I love her a lot, she also thinks like me because we've had similar upbringing, I would post a picture of ourselves up but I am afraid of being identified so I think it's better that I don't.

#40 Arpa

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 12:04 PM

It took me a while to finally understand it.
One of my colleagues in Syria kept talking about his "bint 'ammi", meaning "my cousin" my "uncle's(father's brother) daughter", until I finally learned that he was speaking about his wife. "my cousin/ bint 'ammi"? Why not? As it is customary in those "bedwin" cultures that a boy must, I repeat, must marry his "cousin" from the fathers's side. Therfore their expression- "my cousin-bint 'ammi" to mean "wife".




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