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Platonic Relationship Between A Man And Woman


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#1 kakachik77

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 08:26 AM

Hello everyone,

I am Kakachik, been here long time but don't quite start many new topics. In any case, based on a recent personal experience of course, I started wondering about these "platonic friendships" between a man and a woman. Are we attracted to each other perhaps on an unconscious level but don't quite realize it on a conscious level? Are we playing games? Is it ok when a one of the partners starts developing feelings? How do one go from a "platonic relationship" to a real one? Is it possible? I know life's answers are way more complicated than my simple questions here but I would be more than happy to hear both male and female opinions. Cheers!

#2 Yervant1

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 09:35 AM

QUOTE(kakachik77 @ Aug 7 2007, 10:26 AM)
Hello everyone,

I am Kakachik, been here long time but don't quite start many new topics. In any case, based on a recent personal experience of course, I started wondering about these "platonic friendships" between a man and a woman. Are we attracted to each other perhaps on an unconscious level but don't quite realize it on a conscious level? Are we playing games? Is it ok when a one of the partners starts developing feelings? How do one go from a "platonic relationship" to a real one? Is it possible? I know life's answers are way more complicated than my simple questions here but I would be more than happy to hear both male and female opinions. Cheers!

Not long ago when the arranged marriages were common occurances, some cultures still do it nowadays, when the man or the woman didn't have much attraction for one another the parents used to tell them "She/He is a nice person don't worry love will come later when you are married".
In my opinion when you pick a friend from the opposite sex, you already like that person to begin with otherwise you won't pick them as friends. When you start spending more time you get to know that person a lot more and if it's a match to your expectation than the friendship turns into love. smile.gif

#3 Takoush

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 09:52 AM

Yes I agree with Yervant, especially when two people are kind to each other and like each other, then it is easy between a man and a woman to fall in love. I think really liking a man from a woman perspective is much more important than falling in love with the guy; because you have to like the person you're with before you fall in love with him.

I believe that platonic relationships exist with a man and a woman persae but when there is also an attraction along with liking each other it can easily turn into love.

Now to answer you Kakachik, if one falls for the other and it is not reciprocated, I think the best way is to stay away from that person so that you don't continue to get hurt. Don't you think? Then the friendship must end for you. msn-cry.gif Otherwise it won't be good for you. sad.gif

#4 DominO

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:08 AM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Aug 7 2007, 11:35 AM)
Not long ago when the arranged marriages were common occurances, some cultures still do it nowadays, when the man or the woman didn't have much attraction for one another the parents used to tell them "She/He is a nice person don't worry love will come later when you are married".
In my opinion when you pick a friend from the opposite sex, you already like that person to begin with otherwise you won't pick them as friends. When you start spending more time you get to know that person a lot more and if it's a match to your expectation than the friendship turns into love. smile.gif


I have to disagree, for girls particularly, they have more easiness to separate friendship from love. It is as if most of the time they catalogue guys on either 'friendship' and 'possible love relationship.' I might be wrong, but this doesn't seem to change a lot once the person is considered to be a friend unlike guys who would 50% or more of the time choose friends of the opposit sex with a possible later relationship.

#5 kakachik77

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:09 AM

QUOTE(Anahid Takouhi @ Aug 7 2007, 09:52 AM)
Now to answer you Kakachik, if one falls for the other and it is not reciprocated, I think the best way is to stay away from that person so that you don't continue to get hurt. Don't you think? Then the friendship must end for you. msn-cry.gif Otherwise it won't be good for you. sad.gif


Hi Anahid Takuhi,
I agree when one develops feelings, it's best to somehow cut the friendship, otherwise every time you see him/her it will be right there in front of you, torturing you...

#6 Takoush

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:10 AM

Kakachik, also going from a platonic relationship into a full fledged love one; well you can't make it happen, it just does. One day if it happens you both will realize that it has turn into love; but that may take years until it develops and you'll find it out for yourself when it does.

#7 Takoush

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:14 AM

QUOTE(kakachik77 @ Aug 7 2007, 12:09 PM)
Hi Anahid Takuhi,
I agree when one develops feelings, it's best to somehow cut the friendship, otherwise every time you see him/her it will be right there in front of you, torturing you...

Yes of course, as sad as it can be to stay away; but it will come to haunt and torture you every time you're with him and it won't be good for your self esteem either. Better take a loooong trip and stay away. sad.gif

#8 Yervant1

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:16 AM

QUOTE(Domino @ Aug 7 2007, 12:08 PM)
I have to disagree, for girls particularly, they have more easiness to separate friendship from love. It is as if most of the time they catalogue guys on either 'friendship' and 'possible love relationship.' I might be wrong, but this doesn't seem to change a lot once the person is considered to be a friend unlike guys who would 50% or more of the time choose friends of the opposit sex with a possible later relationship.

Are you saying men only think of one thing? tongue.gif biggrin.gif

#9 Takoush

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:22 AM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Aug 7 2007, 12:16 PM)
Are you saying men only think of one thing? tongue.gif biggrin.gif

Yervant, I am afraid so. Usually men do think of that only thing. Women on the other hand like Domino says they do categorize into "friendship" guy or a "love" type of a guy. This is true. But like I said before, for a woman if liking and attraction is there, then it is easy for a woman to fall in love. But men do seem more frequently to think of the other thing as well as friendship, I think. You're a man, you tell me and Kakachik.

#10 kakachik77

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:23 AM

QUOTE(Domino @ Aug 7 2007, 10:08 AM)
I have to disagree, for girls particularly, they have more easiness to separate friendship from love. It is as if most of the time they catalogue guys on either 'friendship' and 'possible love relationship.' I might be wrong, but this doesn't seem to change a lot once the person is considered to be a friend unlike guys who would 50% or more of the time choose friends of the opposit sex with a possible later relationship.


Domino,

I think I should have called this thread "can men really be in a platonic relationship?" I think most of the time there is some attraction, specially when you're spending several hours a day "hanging out" with that person.

#11 DominO

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:37 AM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Aug 7 2007, 12:16 PM)
Are you saying men only think of one thing? tongue.gif biggrin.gif


Over 50% of the men who choose their friends of the opposit sex (I a not talking about being chosen, but choosing) have some expectations, unless they're gay. Male female friendship is like other friendships it requires ressources. In nature male-male friendship was positive for hunting etc..., male-female relationship on the other hand would have had less positive vs negative, unless their is some role for procreation. I am not saying that all are like this, there is no such thing as ''all'' in nature. But what I can say is tht above 50% are, unless gay or impotent.

#12 DominO

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:43 AM

QUOTE(kakachik77 @ Aug 7 2007, 12:23 PM)
Domino,

I think I should have called this thread "can men really be in a platonic relationship?" I think most of the time there is some attraction, specially when you're spending several hours a day "hanging out" with that person.


Some man like platonic relationship, those who are romantic like to burn the candle little by little. It is an experience, because it can continue, while they fear that if they jump right on full relationship it might just not work and they love the person too much to take that risk. There is no ''afraid of loosing friendship'' in the benefit of relationship in man, this is a myth. It only exist for women, because it has an evolutive role in women. In situations like that, it is for the woman to make the first move.


#13 Yervant1

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:49 AM

QUOTE(kakachik77 @ Aug 7 2007, 12:23 PM)
Domino,

I think I should have called this thread "can men really be in a platonic relationship?" I think most of the time there is some attraction, specially when you're spending several hours a day "hanging out" with that person.

Dear Kakachik don't forget men and women are wired differently, also when a woman is friendly to a man, we think generally "Oh she wants me" but if the man is friendly to a woman it's "Oh this guy is a gentleman" thats all.

#14 Takoush

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:56 AM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Aug 7 2007, 12:49 PM)
Dear Kakachik don't forget men and women are wired differently, also when a woman is friendly to a man, we think generally "Oh she wants me" but if the man is friendly to a woman it's "Oh this guy is a gentleman" thats all.

I disagree in terms of women's point of view. When a man is friendly and kind to a woman that usually captures a woman's heart as well as she thinks that he's a gentleman. But if a woman has already categorized a man as only to be "freinds with" then in her mind he will only be a good friend. Unless a while later she starts having more feelings for him. That could also happen when he is constantly kind to her and she also find him attractive.

#15 DominO

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:56 AM

Kakachik, there is a good way of seing if the guy is considering beyond simple friendship. If he always create the occasion to touch the girl. Banal touchs which seem innocent. This is a good indicator with a high accuracy rate.

#16 Yervant1

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 10:59 AM

QUOTE(Domino @ Aug 7 2007, 12:56 PM)
Kakachik, there is a good way of seing if the guy is considering beyond simple friendship. If he always create the occasion to touch the girl. Banal touchs which seem innocent. This is a good indicator with a high accuracy rate.

This is also true with women, if they touch you or touch their own hair.

#17 DominO

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 11:01 AM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Aug 7 2007, 12:59 PM)
This is also true with women, if they touch you or touch their own hair.


I agree, I answered from the perspective of a guy, Kakachik probably knows this, I'm sure she already tried it at least once. smile.gif

It's also so common in the animal kingdom. biggrin.gif

#18 Takoush

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 11:03 AM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Aug 7 2007, 12:59 PM)
This is also true with women, if they touch you or touch their own hair.

When a woman touches her own her a lot; that's a shure indicator that she likes the man allright! tongue.gif

#19 kakachik77

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 11:23 AM

QUOTE(Domino @ Aug 7 2007, 10:56 AM)
Kakachik, there is a good way of seing if the guy is considering beyond simple friendship. If he always create the occasion to touch the girl. Banal touchs which seem innocent. This is a good indicator with a high accuracy rate.


Domino jan,

this was a good and funny point, but perhaps true for 18 year olds, I think when you;re in late twenties it's way easier to control your touching urges. I do agree with the hair thing, that might be an indicator smile.gif

#20 Em

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 05:57 PM

Hi Kakachik,

I think that men and women can be friends and keep it on a very neutral level. However, I think most men don't see the point in that. I think the general idea is that "if the girl is so great, then why not make her my girl?". Or, as others have mentioned, there is underlying attraction, but for some reason or another they did not let on from the get-go that they were interested in you as more than a friend. As Yervant said, "men are wired differently..". smile.gif
Women make things simpler: we just pick guy friends we are in no way attracted to but who are the nicest beings of the opposite sex. smile.gif Thus, by removing the attraction from the equation, a friendship can be possible from her end.

I really doubt that a married individual and an unmarried one of the opposite sex can be platonic friends. Some men attempts this with vulnerable married women. Those men are very good at the game they play. Hopefully, the women catch on to the transperancy of the guy's motives.






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