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A 3 Year Relationship Which Ended In Heartbreak. Help!


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#21 Anoushik

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Posted 16 June 2007 - 08:45 PM

Yes, you're right Azat. Maybe for some people it's fine to date for years if it's what the couple wants and they see no future together.

#22 Azat

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Posted 16 June 2007 - 08:59 PM

i guess I dont know. I always fear marriage as i feel its too much responsibility...(same with kids by the way) but I think that even if a couple is a perfect match they should date for a long time to make sure they are compatible to make sure they dont run into trouble in future years.

Actually even long time wont matter. My co-worker is not going through a divorce. A very bad one. They celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary couple of months back so I guess even time wont tell

#23 Anoushik

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Posted 16 June 2007 - 09:04 PM

Yes Azat, I believe time can't really tell. As the couple are dating for a long time, making sure that they are compatible, their lives are going by. We're not immortal and everything has its time. Nowadays women are waking up and realizing that they can't have children because they've waited too long, or that they find out that having a child in their forties is really hard and costs lots of money. Life is such that we have to take risks. There are no guarantees and the only guarantee is that by taking risks one gets more out of life.

#24 Shahan Araradian

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Posted 16 June 2007 - 11:00 PM

QUOTE(anoushik @ Jun 16 2007, 10:04 PM) View Post
Yes Azat, I believe time can't really tell. As the couple are dating for a long time, making sure that they are compatible, their lives are going by. We're not immortal and everything has its time.

Definite words of wisdom.

QUOTE(anoushik @ Jun 16 2007, 10:04 PM) View Post
Nowadays women are waking up and realizing that they can't have children because they've waited too long, or that they find out that having a child in their forties is really hard and costs lots of money. Life is such that we have to take risks. There are no guarantees and the only guarantee is that by taking risks one gets more out of life.

Yeah. Women in California (north or south)... Ahhh the problems of a society with no social norms and a population (for the most part) turned into debt slaves...

And then they criticize countries that do have social norms (e.g. Muslims from country X or traditional Western Armenians or ROA Armenians or Iranian Armenians).

Turns out there's no correlation between GDP and the happiness of a population, after all.

Social norms help secure relationships, so that it's not that much of a "risk" when one chooses his/her life partner.

It also helps in relationships to be free (i.e. not a couple who are both debt slaves)...

Edited by Shahan Araradian, 16 June 2007 - 11:07 PM.


#25 Anonymouse

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Posted 18 June 2007 - 12:37 PM

QUOTE(Shahan Araradian @ Jun 16 2007, 10:59 AM) View Post
Դեռեւս տղա՛ն չէր ուզէր օտար ախչիկ: Ինչու միշտ ծնողքէ՞ն կու գայ հայրենասիրութիւնը:


Are you joking? Then why in God's dirty pasture did he date the girl for 3 years only to mislead her?

#26 Sip

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Posted 18 June 2007 - 12:42 PM

QUOTE(Shahan Araradian @ Jun 17 2007, 12:00 AM) View Post
Ahhh the problems of a society with no social norms and a population (for the most part) turned into debt slaves...

And then they criticize countries that do have social norms (e.g. Muslims from country X or traditional Western Armenians or ROA Armenians or Iranian Armenians).

Turns out there's no correlation between GDP and the happiness of a population, after all.

Social norms help secure relationships, so that it's not that much of a "risk" when one chooses his/her life partner.

It also helps in relationships to be free (i.e. not a couple who are both debt slaves)...


What does this have to do with anything here?

#27 Takoush

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Posted 18 June 2007 - 07:51 PM

QUOTE(anoushik @ Jun 16 2007, 11:04 PM) View Post
Yes Azat, I believe time can't really tell. As the couple are dating for a long time, making sure that they are compatible, their lives are going by. We're not immortal and everything has its time. Nowadays women are waking up and realizing that they can't have children because they've waited too long, or that they find out that having a child in their forties is really hard and costs lots of money. Life is such that we have to take risks. There are no guarantees and the only guarantee is that by taking risks one gets more out of life.

I agree with you. As women's biological clock is constantly ticking; women have to weigh their precious time and put a time limit to their dating. In one complete year a couple can learn a great deal from each other if the other person is well suited to be their fitting spouse or not. For this, women have to take charge and limit the dating process to one year. If they are very much in love then it would be hard to end the relationship; but a women has to be loved to. If the guy is not reciprocating her love then the guy is obviously not worth it, and if he loves her dearly then he should give in to marrying her. Unless there are other problems such as money, going to college, etc. Even then, they can live humbly for a while, but marry each other.





#28 Shahan Araradian

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Posted 18 June 2007 - 09:12 PM

QUOTE(Anonymouse @ Jun 18 2007, 01:37 PM) View Post
Are you joking? Then why in God's dirty pasture did he date the girl for 3 years only to mislead her?

lol.gif Այս ասացուածքները ուրտեղէ՞ն կը գտնաս... Հարցումին պատասխանը.. Մէկ պատճառը՝ շուառած ըլլալ եւ ուզել տարբեր բաներ փորձել: Ուրիշ պատճառ մըն ալ կայ որ ուրիշներ վէրը ներկայացուցած են:

#29 Anonymouse

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Posted 19 June 2007 - 11:44 AM

QUOTE(Shahan Araradian @ Jun 18 2007, 10:12 PM) View Post
lol.gif Այս ասացուածքները ուրտեղէ՞ն կը գտնաս... Հարցումին պատասխանը.. Մէկ պատճառը՝ շուառած ըլլալ եւ ուզել տարբեր բաներ փորձել: Ուրիշ պատճառ մըն ալ կայ որ ուրիշներ վէրը ներկայացուցած են:


I refuse to believe this was anything other than a case of the parents. Now, whatever his tastes, he should have known himself better than that. I personally know I just want to marry an Armenian. Therefore I would not falsely mislead a non-Armenian into a committment knowing I will dump them later. Maybe I'm only one given the gift knowing what I want. If I want to just bang bang bang, I let the girl know I just want to bang bang bang. If I want to be a Don Juan, I let the girl know I want to be a Don Juan. If I want to be committed I let em know. I'm a bit like George W. Bush in that in whatever I want, you are either with me, or against me. This guy was full of crap. I will bet he knew full well how is parents were and he knew he could not do a God damned thing about it. His options were either a) stand up to his parents and sever ties with them for the sake of love, or (b.) continue to crawl under their shadow and give in. He chose the latter. Therefore, he's a *** and good riddens. Why would anyone want a confused guy like that to begin with?

Edited by Anonymouse, 19 June 2007 - 11:45 AM.


#30 Takoush

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Posted 19 June 2007 - 05:47 PM

QUOTE(Anonymouse @ Jun 19 2007, 01:44 PM) View Post
I refuse to believe this was anything other than a case of the parents. Now, whatever his tastes, he should have known himself better than that. I personally know I just want to marry an Armenian. Therefore I would not falsely mislead a non-Armenian into a committment knowing I will dump them later. Maybe I'm only one given the gift knowing what I want. If I want to just bang bang bang, I let the girl know I just want to bang bang bang. If I want to be a Don Juan, I let the girl know I want to be a Don Juan. If I want to be committed I let em know. I'm a bit like George W. Bush in that in whatever I want, you are either with me, or against me. This guy was full of crap. I will bet he knew full well how is parents were and he knew he could not do a God damned thing about it. His options were either a) stand up to his parents and sever ties with them for the sake of love, or (b.) continue to crawl under their shadow and give in. He chose the latter. Therefore, he's a *** and good riddens. Why would anyone want a confused guy like that to begin with?

Dear Anon; you are my kind of a human being. What I mean is that you are completely honest, kind, with a great head on your shoulders and the Armenian girl that you'll be around for future marriage, etc. etc. should be honored to be your wife.

I can only say that the only other guy I know who acted very honorably and honest with himself and/or with girls was and is my great brother.

Kuddos for the both of you!!!! smile.gif


#31 Anonymouse

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Posted 21 June 2007 - 11:31 AM

QUOTE(Anahid Takouhi @ Jun 19 2007, 06:47 PM) View Post
Dear Anon; you are my kind of a human being. What I mean is that you are completely honest, kind, with a great head on your shoulders and the Armenian girl that you'll be around for future marriage, etc. etc. should be honored to be your wife.

I can only say that the only other guy I know who acted very honorably and honest with himself and/or with girls was and is my great brother.

Kuddos for the both of you!!!! smile.gif


Honesty is the best policy! smile.gif Deception is second best. wink.gif

#32 karnoug

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Posted 23 June 2007 - 03:18 PM

Even though I love my culture and am very proud of it, we are however very racist. I am in hopes that this will change eventually. I met my soulmate 13 years ago in college, but he knew upfront that nothing would come of the relationship because of race. We remain to this day soulmates, though we are not together and we never see each other. It was my choice, yes, and I fully take responsibility for my choice; however, bottom line remains that I chose my family and culture over my soulmate.

#33 Yervant1

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Posted 23 June 2007 - 04:25 PM

QUOTE(karnoug @ Jun 23 2007, 05:18 PM) View Post
Even though I love my culture and am very proud of it, we are however very racist. I am in hopes that this will change eventually. I met my soulmate 13 years ago in college, but he knew upfront that nothing would come of the relationship because of race. We remain to this day soulmates, though we are not together and we never see each other. It was my choice, yes, and I fully take responsibility for my choice; however, bottom line remains that I chose my family and culture over my soulmate.

May I ask you kindly as to why you chose your family and culture?
Once you answer this question I think you will find that the word "racist" is a bit harsh. I think preservation would sound better, if we were 40 or 50 million in numbers this would not have been an issue. I know for a fact that Armenians treat odars pretty well.

BTW karnoug welcome to Hyeforum and continue posting please. smile.gif

#34 Takoush

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Posted 24 June 2007 - 08:57 AM

QUOTE(karnoug @ Jun 23 2007, 05:18 PM) View Post
Even though I love my culture and am very proud of it, we are however very racist. I am in hopes that this will change eventually. I met my soulmate 13 years ago in college, but he knew upfront that nothing would come of the relationship because of race. We remain to this day soulmates, though we are not together and we never see each other. It was my choice, yes, and I fully take responsibility for my choice; however, bottom line remains that I chose my family and culture over my soulmate.

I chose my nationality over soulmate and love also and I met a great many valuable and great odar guys who pursued me constantly wherever I worked and I always turned them down; because I had to marry with an Armenian. Sacrifice? Yes I did sacrifice; but like Yervant said if we were 40 or 50 million and were not annihilated perhaps we would not worry about preserving so much our nationality today, but the way things are, we have to. I wanted to continue my race, my nationality too. I had to.

Karnoug, I don't say it's racist as I do not see a great many guys and sometimes girls sacrificing themselves and their love to marry with an Armenian. Even in my generation I have seen numerous Armenian guys marrying with French Canadian girls in Canada, and today also in the U.S. The newer generation continues that trend of assymilating and not worrying about a thing for the preservation of their nationality. It is sad for me to see that, very sad; but what can we do? This should be the job of every Armenian parent to educate their offsprings not to weaken and to preserve their nationality by marrying with an Armenian spouse.



#35 karnoug

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Posted 24 June 2007 - 02:50 PM

QUOTE(Anahid Takouhi @ Jun 24 2007, 09:57 AM) View Post
I chose my nationality over soulmate and love also and I met a great many valuable and great odar guys who pursued me constantly wherever I worked and I always turned them down; because I had to marry with an Armenian. Sacrifice? Yes I did sacrifice; but like Yervant said if we were 40 or 50 million and were not annihilated perhaps we would not worry about preserving so much our nationality today, but the way things are, we have to. I wanted to continue my race, my nationality too. I had to.

Karnoug, I don't say it's racist as I do not see a great many guys and sometimes girls sacrificing themselves and their love to marry with an Armenian. Even in my generation I have seen numerous Armenian guys marrying with French Canadian girls in Canada, and today also in the U.S. The newer generation continues that trend of assymilating and not worrying about a thing for the preservation of their nationality. It is sad for me to see that, very sad; but what can we do? This should be the job of every Armenian parent to educate their offsprings not to weaken and to preserve their nationality by marrying with an Armenian spouse.

Thank you Anahid for your response. Obviously I too am of the same sound of mind to preserve our heritage, culture, and nationality, otherwise I would not have made the choice that I made. Though to be completely honest both with you and with myself, the family and community pressures did play a variable role in my decision. Aside from that, I still do stand by my statement that our culture is racist. I am of course stereotyping, there are always exceptions. However, when there are no odars within earshot, or the Armenian spouses of an odar, our people speak crudely about them. The racist and demeaning words to describe Latinos, Asian, Blacks are freely expressed. I have had many conversations trying to drive my point accross to such persons. I've tried to explain that of all the people on this Earth, we Armenians should never forget where discrimination leads to; that we should never forget the pain and lasting scars such judgements cause other human beings, and ultimately how it deteriorates the soul of the racist himself.


#36 Anoushik

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Posted 24 June 2007 - 05:46 PM

QUOTE(karnoug @ Jun 24 2007, 01:50 PM) View Post
when there are no odars within earshot, or the Armenian spouses of an odar, our people speak crudely about them. The racist and demeaning words to describe Latinos, Asian, Blacks are freely expressed. I have had many conversations trying to drive my point accross to such persons. I've tried to explain that of all the people on this Earth, we Armenians should never forget where discrimination leads to; that we should never forget the pain and lasting scars such judgements cause other human beings, and ultimately how it deteriorates the soul of the racist himself.

Hello Karnoug, welcome to Hyeforum smile.gif

I think that you're right that Armenians speak crudely of other cultures but I don't think it really qualifies as racism. If it is racism then 100% of the world's population is racist. In my experience a representative of some culture openly speaks crudely of another culture as long a member of the other culture is not around. An example is a business neighbor next door who's Japanese. Every chance he gets he wants to remind me that the rest of the business neighbors are Chinese and they have no manners.

#37 Anonymouse

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Posted 24 June 2007 - 06:54 PM

QUOTE(karnoug @ Jun 23 2007, 04:18 PM) View Post
Even though I love my culture and am very proud of it, we are however very racist. I am in hopes that this will change eventually. I met my soulmate 13 years ago in college, but he knew upfront that nothing would come of the relationship because of race. We remain to this day soulmates, though we are not together and we never see each other. It was my choice, yes, and I fully take responsibility for my choice; however, bottom line remains that I chose my family and culture over my soulmate.


So anyone who seeks the self-preservation of their race and culture is automatically racist? So then there is nothing one can do short of consciously diluting oneself and seeking non-Armenians, that won't be interpreted as racist. You need to reconsider the logic of your argument, or rather, the lack of it.



#38 karnoug

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Posted 24 June 2007 - 09:36 PM

QUOTE(Anonymouse @ Jun 24 2007, 07:54 PM) View Post
So anyone who seeks the self-preservation of their race and culture is automatically racist? So then there is nothing one can do short of consciously diluting oneself and seeking non-Armenians, that won't be interpreted as racist. You need to reconsider the logic of your argument, or rather, the lack of it.

please read the posts following that one to get a better prespective, insight, and explanation of my views and statements.

thank you

#39 Anonymouse

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Posted 26 June 2007 - 11:51 PM

QUOTE(karnoug @ Jun 24 2007, 10:36 PM) View Post
please read the posts following that one to get a better prespective, insight, and explanation of my views and statements.

thank you


Quiet you.

#40 karnoug

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 08:14 AM

QUOTE(Anonymouse @ Jun 27 2007, 12:51 AM) View Post
Quiet you.

ok, but only because you said so tongue.gif




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