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A 3 Year Relationship Which Ended In Heartbreak. Help!


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#1 mozart920

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Posted 13 June 2007 - 11:58 PM

Hi Everyone,

I entered this forum in hopes that all of you guys and girls would have a better perspective for me in my situation. I'm hoping someone can help me make sense of things and help heal a really really broken heart.

For the past 3 years, I have been in an interracial relationship with my boyfriend (who is of Armenian descent). I myself, am not Armenian, but of Asian descent. We recently broke up because of "irreconcilable issues" which to this day, I still do not know what they are.

In the beginning as all relationships are, everything was great and we were together for a good amount of time each week. As the years progressed, I met everyone except for the two people I should have met... the parents. I have always been open for him to attend my family functions etc.. but he always seemed put off by that fact.

As more time passed, I've been noticing that he always spent more time with his friends than he did with me. His friends even asked me why he doesn't bring me around and I really don't know what to say.

I got really nervous a month ago (the day we broke up) and I checked his email out of curiosity. I was shocked (but not too shocked) to see a bunch of emails referring to an Armenian dating site. He caught me in the act, but at the same time, I felt as if I caught him red handed too. I asked him about the site and he told me it was just something his friends said was cool to join... around a year ago! (that's how far the emails date back). He told me it wasn't his thing, but my point is, he wouldn't have made an entire profile up if he wasn't hoping to meet a new girlfriend of the same nationality.

I asked if he was happy and he said no... I asked why and he said he "didn't know." He said there are issues that can't be resolved and I asked him what issues... but he couldn't name anything specific- he said he just "knew". He said he wanted to take a break for now. So in the end of that night, I basically couldn't be with someone who didn't want to be with me.. someone who's dragged me along for too long if he really couldn't accept me for who I am.

I guess the whole point of the this story is, he tells me that he loves me for 3 years, but this happens. I know that he has never dated an Armenian girl before and I know there are certain levels that I do not know how to connect with him on, and he has that yearning to date his own culture. But I on the other hand, have dated my own culture and have had more problems in that relationship than I did in this one... I truly loved this person regardless of nationality and was open to communication- the whole nine yards. In the end, I ended up with this broken heart which I'm still trying to heal.. but it's only been a month since the breakup.

I understand that it is probably deeper to date someone in your own culture.. but doesn't true love count for anything anymore? Does anyone have words of wisdom for me?

Thank you!!!

#2 Yervant1

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 09:04 AM

Dear Mozart920,

First welcome to hyeforum and I'm very sorry to hear your heartbreak. As I don't know your boyfriend I can't make assumptions and try to give you answers for his behaivour, but from what you are saying it could be a classic case of his family not wanting or allowing him to marry a non-Armenian, hence his avoidance of not taking you to his parents.
What I would suggest for you is to read this thread that I will post at the end, it might give you some insights as to how Armenians think when it comes to interracial marriages and their reasons as to why they think like that. After reading it if you have further questions please ask and members here will be more than happy to give you their thoughts.
Thanks and again welcome to Hyeforum, good luck to you. smile.gif

http://hyeforum.com/...showtopic=13692

#3 DominO

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 11:57 AM

I don't buy this. I don't think it is an ethnical issue, less time passing with you, searching elsewhere. Ask him to be serious and tell you if he still love you, at least then you will be settled.

#4 Sip

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 12:35 PM

It is over, move on. The race thing may or may not be an issue but it is nothing either of you can change. If he in fact cares for you and wants to be with you, he will do everything in his power to be with you. Since he is not interested, it's time to move on smile.gif

#5 mozart920

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 03:03 PM

Thank you for the quick and helpful reply Yervant1!

I've read some of the threads from that link you sent me. It does help put things in perspective and I felt that I already knew some of this but was just in denial this whole time. Strange how you become blinded by love sometimes...

My ex probably feels that way mostly because he saw his brother marry someone who is non-Armenian as well... maybe wondering if his brother is truly happy. Since he hasn't dated an Armenian girl before, I bet he doesn't know what true happiness is, in his mind.

But well, I have to move on since it's the only thing to do at this point!

Thanks so much for your insight. Take care.


QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Jun 14 2007, 10:04 AM) View Post
Dear Mozart920,

First welcome to hyeforum and I'm very sorry to hear your heartbreak. As I don't know your boyfriend I can't make assumptions and try to give you answers for his behaivour, but from what you are saying it could be a classic case of his family not wanting or allowing him to marry a non-Armenian, hence his avoidance of not taking you to his parents.
What I would suggest for you is to read this thread that I will post at the end, it might give you some insights as to how Armenians think when it comes to interracial marriages and their reasons as to why they think like that. After reading it if you have further questions please ask and members here will be more than happy to give you their thoughts.
Thanks and again welcome to Hyeforum, good luck to you. smile.gif

http://hyeforum.com/...showtopic=13692



#6 mozart920

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 03:06 PM

you're absolutely right. if he cared enough, he would pursue me.

but since i haven't heard anything, it's time to move on. i believe strongly that the ethnicity issue plays a role in this whole outcome though.

thanks!!

QUOTE(Sip @ Jun 14 2007, 01:35 PM) View Post
It is over, move on. The race thing may or may not be an issue but it is nothing either of you can change. If he in fact cares for you and wants to be with you, he will do everything in his power to be with you. Since he is not interested, it's time to move on smile.gif



#7 kakachik77

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 03:35 PM

First dear Mozart, don't believe everything you read on this site, there are armenians that are very open minded and will marry a Martian in a heartbeat if they are in love. I do believe that your relationship ended for various other reasons...one of which might be his armenianness but I doubt that it's all there is. This is going to be a hard time for you but sooner or later you'll move on and will realize that you learned a lot from this relationship and things will become more clear...meaning it will become more clear why this relationship was not meant to last. You sound like you are very young, perhaps early 20s...you have lots of time to explore smile.gif

good luck!

#8 DominO

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 03:40 PM

QUOTE(kakachik77 @ Jun 14 2007, 05:35 PM) View Post
First dear Mozart, don't believe everything you read on this site, there are armenians that are very open minded and will marry a Martian in a heartbeat if they are in love. I do believe that your relationship ended for various other reasons...one of which might be his armenianness but I doubt that it's all there is. This is going to be a hard time for you but sooner or later you'll move on and will realize that you learned a lot from this relationship and things will become more clear...meaning it will become more clear why this relationship was not meant to last. You sound like you are very young, perhaps early 20s...you have lots of time to explore smile.gif

good luck!


The guy was with him for 3 years, he is open minded. So, he just stopped loving her, the ethnicity issue is a justification.

#9 mozart920

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 04:38 PM

i agree with you that he was at first open minded but i think in the end people change as he has towards me.. so he really just stopped loving me. but i think with the help of this site, i'll be able to move on... hopefully soon! I don't want to turn into an unsocial hermit.

thanks for your responses!!

QUOTE(Domino @ Jun 14 2007, 12:57 PM) View Post
I don't buy this. I don't think it is an ethnical issue, less time passing with you, searching elsewhere. Ask him to be serious and tell you if he still love you, at least then you will be settled.



#10 mozart920

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 04:52 PM

Thank you.

I know for a fact that there are open minded Armenians out there smile.gif Some of his friends who are married, married another nationality. And with the ones who married within their culture, they have always made me feel super-welcomed. I never once felt uncomfortable hanging out with them. They are all very sweet. It was my own boyfriend who made me feel uncomfortable towards the end. I really am going to miss his friends now that we're not together.

But like everyone has told me here.. it's really time to move on.. I spent a month sulking already.. sunny days, not so sunny.. but getting better.

I know I'm naive in some ways. I'm 25, if you're wondering. But it's complicated when true feelings are involved! I knew what I wanted, but in the end, he probably finally realized what he wanted after 3 years... and he's 5 years older than me!

thanks for your input!!!


QUOTE(kakachik77 @ Jun 14 2007, 04:35 PM) View Post
First dear Mozart, don't believe everything you read on this site, there are armenians that are very open minded and will marry a Martian in a heartbeat if they are in love. I do believe that your relationship ended for various other reasons...one of which might be his armenianness but I doubt that it's all there is. This is going to be a hard time for you but sooner or later you'll move on and will realize that you learned a lot from this relationship and things will become more clear...meaning it will become more clear why this relationship was not meant to last. You sound like you are very young, perhaps early 20s...you have lots of time to explore smile.gif

good luck!



#11 ED

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 05:43 PM

I almost married a Jewish girl till she raised the question "we have to get married in a synagogue" that turned me off, i imagined my kids running around with yamakas, scary site isent it? but i love Jewish Humor biggrin.gif

joke aside dear Motzart, you have a very classic case, does'nt have anything to do with Armenian or any nationalistic feeling, just man are all dogs biggrin.gif and women are all devils.

by the way I know many Armenian guys married to Mexican, Arab, Persian, Filipino, Jewish and even African American (last i know only of one) etc....its all have to ask is, you weren't devilish enough maybe?

cheer up, you are probably in you early 20's? Look at me, I'm in my mid (wont say) but still a .......never mind smile.gif
I think you got the picture

basically here it goes, there is no such a thing as LOVE, never has been, (its all about 15-30minutes at the most wink.gif) never will be, he is gone and wont be back, so make your self sexier and go get your man, otherwise someone else is ready to him.



#12 mozart920

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 06:01 PM

i don't think i'm a devil... more of a sweetheart haha

you know, i really love the armenian culture- everything about it from the food, to the customs.. that's why i was so comfortable in this relationship. (I'M sooo going to miss his homemade "mast o khiar!") haha... not that i'm saying i would diss my own culture, i LOVE my culture (i'm from Taiwan.) But just that I've accepted every part of him as a whole.

oh well. thanks for cheering me up.. actually, talking with people on this site has helped cheer me up alot. I'm just glad to know I have so many friends and coworkers who support me everyday.

ps: i'm 25. he's 31.

thanks again!



QUOTE(Edward @ Jun 14 2007, 06:43 PM) View Post
I almost married a Jewish girl till she raised the question "we have to get married in a synagogue" that turned me off, i imagined my kids running around with yamakas, scary site isent it? but i love Jewish Humor biggrin.gif

joke aside dear Motzart, you have a very classic case, does'nt have anything to do with Armenian or any nationalistic feeling, just man are all dogs biggrin.gif and women are all devils.

by the way I know many Armenian guys married to Mexican, Arab, Persian, Filipino, Jewish and even African American (last i know only of one) etc....its all have to ask is, you weren't devilish enough maybe?

cheer up, you are probably in you early 20's? Look at me, I'm in my mid (wont say) but still a .......never mind smile.gif
I think you got the picture

basically here it goes, there is no such a thing as LOVE, never has been, (its all about 15-30minutes at the most wink.gif) never will be, he is gone and wont be back, so make your self sexier and go get your man, otherwise someone else is ready to him.



#13 Anoushik

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 06:42 PM

QUOTE(mozart920 @ Jun 13 2007, 10:58 PM) View Post
Hi Everyone,

I entered this forum in hopes that all of you guys and girls would have a better perspective for me in my situation. I'm hoping someone can help me make sense of things and help heal a really really broken heart.

For the past 3 years, I have been in an interracial relationship with my boyfriend (who is of Armenian descent). I myself, am not Armenian, but of Asian descent. We recently broke up because of "irreconcilable issues" which to this day, I still do not know what they are.

Hi Mozart920, I'm sorry about your break-up.

My view in this is that women should never, ever agree to date the same guy for more than a year. If after a year you still want to be together then it's time to begin thinking about marriage. Otherwise things like this happen.

#14 Accelerated

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 08:04 PM

Moral of the story - you wish you were Armenian biggrin.gif

#15 vava

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 10:19 PM

QUOTE(anoushik @ Jun 14 2007, 08:42 PM) View Post
Hi Mozart920, I'm sorry about your break-up.

My view in this is that women should never, ever agree to date the same guy for more than a year. If after a year you still want to be together then it's time to begin thinking about marriage. Otherwise things like this happen.



Ha! I think I dated 8 years before marriage.... I guess she was patient biggrin.gif

#16 Anonymouse

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Posted 15 June 2007 - 01:00 PM

I think this is a classic case of a relationship gone awry because the folks would not want him to marry a non-Armenian. That's all there is to it.

Here is what you must do now:

1. Burn everything that is associated with him

2. Drink some water and realize you are like water, mutable and resilient. When water is in a bowl, it takes the shape of a bowl. When water is in a cup, it becomes the cup.

3. Go to the gym

4. Hang out more with your friends and family.

5. And whatever you do, do not date a Muslim.

Sincerely,

Dr. Mouse

Edited by Anonymouse, 15 June 2007 - 01:00 PM.


#17 Harut

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Posted 16 June 2007 - 03:31 AM

i didn't know that open minded meant marrying a non-armenian... huh.gif

#18 Shahan Araradian

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Posted 16 June 2007 - 09:59 AM

QUOTE(Anonymouse @ Jun 15 2007, 02:00 PM) View Post
I think this is a classic case of a relationship gone awry because the folks would not want him to marry a non-Armenian.

Դեռեւս տղա՛ն չէր ուզէր օտար ախչիկ: Ինչու միշտ ծնողքէ՞ն կու գայ հայրենասիրութիւնը:

#19 Yervant1

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Posted 16 June 2007 - 11:35 AM

QUOTE(Shahan Araradian @ Jun 16 2007, 11:59 AM) View Post
Դեռեւս տղա՛ն չէր ուզէր օտար ախչիկ: Ինչու միշտ ծնողքէ՞ն կու գայ հայրենասիրութիւնը:

Yereg tari hed@ khaghalen verdj, mitge yegav vor otar aghchick juzer;)

#20 Azat

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Posted 16 June 2007 - 06:17 PM

QUOTE(anoushik @ Jun 14 2007, 05:42 PM) View Post
Hi Mozart920, I'm sorry about your break-up.

My view in this is that women should never, ever agree to date the same guy for more than a year. If after a year you still want to be together then it's time to begin thinking about marriage. Otherwise things like this happen.

Anoushik jan, I rearly disagree with you but this is one of those cases. I think its perfectly fine to "date" for years




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