Jump to content


Photo

Family Members Trying To Play Matchmaker.


  • Please log in to reply
24 replies to this topic

#1 Emil

Emil

    The Chosen One

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 238 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Tujunga, CA

Posted 12 May 2007 - 01:28 PM

Do you guys often find your family members trying to "hook you up" with a member of the opposite sex? Has it ever worked?

#2 Sip

Sip

    Buffet Connoisseur

  • Moderator
  • 8,365 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Online

Posted 12 May 2007 - 02:32 PM

You should start to worry when they start hooking you up with members of the same sex lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif

That's when you pack up and RUN! outtahere.gif

But no, my family never tried to hook me up with anyone. They knew better. tongue.gif

Edited by Sip, 12 May 2007 - 02:33 PM.


#3 dianjan

dianjan

    Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 230 posts

Posted 14 May 2007 - 10:20 AM

QUOTE(Emil @ May 12 2007, 03:28 PM) View Post

Do you guys often find your family members trying to "hook you up" with a member of the opposite sex? Has it ever worked?

Only once, and no it didn't work out.

#4 Maral

Maral

    Veteran

  • Nobility
  • 3,334 posts
  • Location:California

Posted 14 May 2007 - 08:57 PM

is this a bad thing because you do not want to be in a relationship right now?
is it bad because they are setting you up with people not right for you?
I know a few people who have been 'set up' and it turned out great,you really dont' have to get serious with everyone you are introduced to.

Edited by Maral, 14 May 2007 - 09:08 PM.


#5 MosJan

MosJan

    Էլի ԼաՎա

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 27,954 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:My Little Armenia

Posted 14 May 2007 - 10:17 PM

QUOTE(Sip @ May 12 2007, 01:32 PM) View Post

You should start to worry when they start hooking you up with members of the same sex lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif

That's when you pack up and RUN! outtahere.gif

But no, my family never tried to hook me up with anyone. They knew better. tongue.gif



Sip jan smile.gif we have gave up on you just like your family smile.gif
prooof me wrong by sending an invitation on your wedding

and NO Buffet will not do the job this time smile.gif

#6 MosJan

MosJan

    Էլի ԼաՎա

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 27,954 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:My Little Armenia

Posted 14 May 2007 - 10:21 PM

QUOTE(Emil @ May 12 2007, 12:28 PM) View Post

Do you guys often find your family members trying to "hook you up" with a member of the opposite sex? Has it ever worked?



Emiljan it's ok
k@tesnes
k@sires
kamusnanaq
yerexa kunenaq
aveli shat kashates
mazer@t k@spitaki
mazer@t k@tapvi
k@Tseranas

de lav t@xur banereits chxosenq

Amusnatsy or mer jani Raderr@ imanas ;
incha es azg@ bazmatsnel@ mer v@ra a mnatsel ???



#7 Sip

Sip

    Buffet Connoisseur

  • Moderator
  • 8,365 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Online

Posted 14 May 2007 - 10:23 PM

Hell no .. no weddings! Although I really like wedding food.

#8 MosJan

MosJan

    Էլի ԼաՎա

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 27,954 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:My Little Armenia

Posted 14 May 2007 - 10:49 PM

ohhh boyyy your a lost case sad.gif
ok ok ok yerb LA gas mi hat cheloQyabap Pativ k@tas el chem hishetsni anusnanalu masin

#9 ED

ED

    Քեռի

  • Moderator
  • 5,959 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Los Angeles
  • Interests:Music, traveling, Salvador Dali, Tolstoy, Sevak, Charents<br />wine, sushi and lots lots more

Posted 14 May 2007 - 11:45 PM

es Sip@ boloris hrviruma Raffi's Kabab vor LA ekav?

Mos es jishta?

#10 Sassun

Sassun

    Member

  • Banned
  • PipPipPip
  • 809 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Lebanon

Posted 20 June 2007 - 03:39 PM

QUOTE(Emil @ May 12 2007, 10:28 PM) View Post
Do you guys often find your family members trying to "hook you up" with a member of the opposite sex? Has it ever worked?

No... my parents were oblivious to it all. Not that they'd be able to be of 'help' even if they weren't! tongue.gif

So I am on my own. sadwalk.gif rolleyes.gif

#11 Em

Em

    Em

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,371 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 20 June 2007 - 04:10 PM

QUOTE(Emil @ May 12 2007, 12:28 PM) View Post
Do you guys often find your family members trying to "hook you up" with a member of the opposite sex? Has it ever worked?


May I flip the issue around? What if collectively they are tying to stop you from "hooking -up" or marrying someone? Some of us learn the hard way that the people who love you most and know you best can tell that the person you have chosen is not the best match for you. When you are in "love" it is hard to remove emotion from the equation. The emotions can dilute reality. You start seeing the person as you like them to be and you block out the bad charasteristics and traits that you should be most concerned with. Tehn the family/ friends become the enemy against you and your partner. And one day, you wake up and realize how truly foolish you were. You should have heard and realized that so many could not have been wrong in judging one person. And that one person cannot tkae the place of so many.

At times you look back and realize that your parents only tried to protect you and keep you from harm, but in adolescent yrs you were so intent upon creating your own identity that you went against them and rebelled for no other reason than to just do it "your way".

I have a daughter now, and even though she is very young, I am already worried about such things. When the day comes, how do I reach her and try to make her understand? I want to be able to connect with her on her level, but also have her see life as it is from my experince.

I appreciate my parents and their struggles so much now that I have a child.

#12 Sip

Sip

    Buffet Connoisseur

  • Moderator
  • 8,365 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Online

Posted 20 June 2007 - 05:36 PM

QUOTE(Em124 @ Jun 20 2007, 05:10 PM) View Post
I have a daughter now, and even though she is very young, I am already worried about such things. When the day comes, how do I reach her and try to make her understand? I want to be able to connect with her on her level, but also have her see life as it is from my experince.


Em ... I don't have a daughter, I am not a mother, and I don't claim to know much about these things. However it seems to me, you only can really have real influences on your daughter until she meets "him". After that, just let her be and be there for her smile.gif I just hope until then, you'll have a chance to really program her to look for the kind of person you want her to be with biggrin.gif

#13 Yervant1

Yervant1

    The True North!

  • Super Moderator
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,918 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 20 June 2007 - 06:53 PM

Dear Em124 you summed it up so nicely by looking at it from both sides. smile.gif
I'm pretty sure you will do what it takes to show how much you love and care for her. In due time she will know that what you want for her is the best. There is no magic solution, don't need to worry about it, you do your part the rest is up to her and hope for the best.

#14 Em

Em

    Em

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,371 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:26 PM

QUOTE(Sip @ Jun 20 2007, 04:36 PM) View Post
Em ... I don't have a daughter, I am not a mother, and I don't claim to know much about these things. However it seems to me, you only can really have real influences on your daughter until she meets "him". After that, just let her be and be there for her smile.gif I just hope until then, you'll have a chance to really program her to look for the kind of person you want her to be with biggrin.gif



Sip....I do not intend to "program" my daughter in any shape or form. Obviously she will be exposed to and influenced by my decisions, life choices, and general taste in all things, but I would never even try to meddle in her personal life. I have seen too many parent-child relationships adversely affected or even severed for such reasons. I think I will trust my daughter to choose wisely and accept whoever makes her happy in her personal life.

To elaborate on what you stated, can I not influence her if I am very cold and distant toward the hypothetical guy? I don't know whether she will change her mind based on my feelings for him. But if I was really intent upon shuting him out, I beleive that would greatly influence her.

My real issue is being able to connect with her as a friend, while still being her mother and not losing ground on that front. This is my dilemma. A few of us young mommys have discussed this topic to death on several occasions, yet I have not come to find solid answers. Do you play both roles? Or do you just stay the disciplinarian and hope that the love and attention will let you into their worlds?

Ufffff...I wish theydid come with manuals. It'd be so much easier. smile.gif





#15 Em

Em

    Em

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,371 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:31 PM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Jun 20 2007, 05:53 PM) View Post
Dear Em124 you summed it up so nicely by looking at it from both sides. smile.gif
I'm pretty sure you will do what it takes to show how much you love and care for her. In due time she will know that what you want for her is the best. There is no magic solution, don't need to worry about it, you do your part the rest is up to her and hope for the best.



Thank you Yervant. I am doing as much as I can for her. And I am sure she will turn out fine. BUT I actually went to school in this country from grade school and on. So hope is not enough. I want to shelter her.

Do you have any children? I only ask beacuse I used to be very nonchalant and easy going when talking of othe people's kids. Lol. When they are yours, it becomes quite real.

smile.gif

#16 Yervant1

Yervant1

    The True North!

  • Super Moderator
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,918 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 21 June 2007 - 08:35 AM

QUOTE(Em124 @ Jun 21 2007, 01:31 AM) View Post
Thank you Yervant. I am doing as much as I can for her. And I am sure she will turn out fine. BUT I actually went to school in this country from grade school and on. So hope is not enough. I want to shelter her.

Do you have any children? I only ask beacuse I used to be very nonchalant and easy going when talking of othe people's kids. Lol. When they are yours, it becomes quite real.

smile.gif

Yes I do and they are about your age and they turned out to be wonderful. You need to play both roles which is the parent, with it comes giving her all the love and caring, the protection and setting their limits according to their age and enlarging the bounderies as they get older and more mature, keep reminding her that as she gets older she'll have more say in her life. The other role is the friendship where you become her friend and become her best listener, you open up the communication lines by which she will feel comfortable discussing things with you, let her know that her opinion matters and you listen to her. Once you establish that relationship believe me everything will be OK.
Please avoid sheltering her, it's much better for her to find out things through you with your explanations than finding it out outside from others whom might not be the best people or source of information.



#17 Sassun

Sassun

    Member

  • Banned
  • PipPipPip
  • 809 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Lebanon

Posted 21 June 2007 - 08:44 AM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Jun 21 2007, 05:35 PM) View Post
Yes I do and they are about your age and they turned out to be wonderful. You need to play both roles which is the parent, with it comes giving her all the love and caring, the protection and setting their limits according to their age and enlarging the bounderies as they get older and more mature, keep reminding her that as she gets older she'll have more say in her life. The other role is the friendship where you become her friend and become her best listener, you open up the communication lines by which she will feel comfortable discussing things with you, let her know that her opinion matters and you listen to her. Once you establish that relationship believe me everything will be OK.
Please avoid sheltering her, it's much better for her to find out things through you with your explanations than finding it out outside from others whom might not be the best people or source of information.

ohmy.gif Yervant, you have kids my age? ohmy.gif Wow, cool. I actually liked what you wrote. My parents have given me the exact opposite treatment that you talked about above. I have to say, that at times, I used to wish that they would be strict with me, at least that would have meant that they cared enough to pay attention to what I did and what I felt. msn-cry.gif

I don't know if it's supposed to be different with male kids, so maybe that is why my parents never showed any signs of caring about what I did?

#18 Yervant1

Yervant1

    The True North!

  • Super Moderator
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,918 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 21 June 2007 - 09:21 AM

QUOTE(Sassun @ Jun 21 2007, 10:44 AM) View Post
ohmy.gif Yervant, you have kids my age? ohmy.gif Wow, cool. I actually liked what you wrote. My parents have given me the exact opposite treatment that you talked about above. I have to say, that at times, I used to wish that they would be strict with me, at least that would have meant that they cared enough to pay attention to what I did and what I felt. msn-cry.gif

I don't know if it's supposed to be different with male kids, so maybe that is why my parents never showed any signs of caring about what I did?

I'm glad that you liked it. smile.gif
Yes some parent's hypocrisy is untolerable between their male and female children.
It's never too late to go to your parents and discuss the issue and find out their reasons for their behavior. Let them know how you felt and how much it meant for you. Sometimes a small heart to heart conversation can do miracles for relationships.

#19 Sassun

Sassun

    Member

  • Banned
  • PipPipPip
  • 809 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Lebanon

Posted 21 June 2007 - 11:00 AM

QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Jun 21 2007, 06:21 PM) View Post
I'm glad that you liked it. smile.gif
Yes some parent's hypocrisy is untolerable between their male and female children.
It's never too late to go to your parents and discuss the issue and find out their reasons for their behavior. Let them know how you felt and how much it meant for you. Sometimes a small heart to heart conversation can do miracles for relationships.

That's the thing Yervant... I don't really feel close to my parents and I think that's because of their (past) behavior. Now I rarely talk to them even though we live in the same house... Sometimes - when I was younger - I did feel like talking to them about these things but always felt embarrassed to do so, and also did not know how to open the subject (I tried hinting at it but they did not seem to understand, or maybe they pretended not to understand). Now I have given up on talking to them.

Oh well. To hell with them. Life goes on.

Edited by Sassun, 21 June 2007 - 11:01 AM.


#20 Yervant1

Yervant1

    The True North!

  • Super Moderator
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,918 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 21 June 2007 - 11:17 AM

QUOTE(Sassun @ Jun 21 2007, 01:00 PM) View Post
That's the thing Yervant... I don't really feel close to my parents and I think that's because of their (past) behavior. Now I rarely talk to them even though we live in the same house... Sometimes - when I was younger - I did feel like talking to them about these things but always felt embarrassed to do so, and also did not know how to open the subject (I tried hinting at it but they did not seem to understand, or maybe they pretended not to understand). Now I have given up on talking to them.

Oh well. To hell with them. Life goes on.

Why embarrassed? You seem to be articulating pretty well here in the forum. It's never too late you are all adults, you have your dissapointments and I'm sure they have theirs only mature dialogue can salvage the relationship. Listen and make them listen don't give up like that as you get older and regret it one day, they might not be around.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users