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Getting Over Someone


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#1 _femme333_

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Posted 14 March 2007 - 12:40 AM

Hello,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend whom I've known for a year now.
We were planning to move in together and maybe even get married.
I thought I found the right person, but time and some circumstances showed that I was wrong.
For the past year, we've always been together and done things together. He was like my best friend, besides being my lover and I was very much used to him.
I guess I had my hopes up for nothing. I'm very sad that things didn't work out for us, and I'm sure that I'm going to feel the hurt for some time.

I've noticed from my past relationships, that it's not easy for me to get over someone I loved quickly. I become too attached to men that I date/love. I'm a student in university and I'm trying to do everything in my power so that my studies will not be affected by my situtation.

How can I get over him quickly? Everytime I come up with a "method" to do that, I start remembering all the great time we had together, especially when we were travelling together, and it makes me sad that things didn't work out. I have to point out that it was me who got fed up with some stuff, and it was me who broke off our present and future plans together.

What methods have you used to get over people you've loved before?


#2 Takoush

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Posted 14 March 2007 - 12:56 AM

It's always very very hard when you are in love; but the only things it seems it's time. In time you'll start forgetting. It has taken me a looooong time to get over it. But that's the way it is kiddo.

The only other thing I would recommend is stay away from romantic movies, romantic places or things, where you've been and did, and also I would recommend for you to travel a different state, country or continent. That would help too. Separation from a loving heart is like death to me, it takes a very long time; but I hope and pray that it doesn't take that long a time for you. I am very sorry for you sweets and keep your head up, indulge yourself into your studies with passion and good luck.



#3 Em

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Posted 14 March 2007 - 04:29 AM

I hope I don't come off sounding like a self-help book. Lol. Ended a long term relationship recently, so
I was in a similar boat. The following are a few helpful pointers:

1. Get rid of evrything tangible associated with him. Either pack them up and store in frind's place or toss away (better option).

2. Take up a new hobbie a.s.a.p. Dancing, beginner's photography, gym or as simple as joining school clubs. Keep yourself busy doing something you enjoy in your spare time. This helps you avoid wallowing around in self-pity and reliving/remembering the "good old days".

3 .Spend quality time with family and friends. These ppl are probably the ones who know you best and know how to care for you during this time. Accept the love and support. Don't shut them out.

4. Date. When you are ready, go out. Shouldn't be too serious. Coffee with someone who asks you out that you actually like. (Must say I am being a hypocrit with this one since I can't seem to follow own advice. huh.gif )

5. Accept that you will never completely "get over him". This is why I responded to this post. Am not a expert on relationships, nor am I claiming to be. Nevertheless, I had to let you know that you never truly forget the experince and the person. It all stays with you forever. You just find closure withn yourself and personal peace with the fact that the relationship is over and that is okay. Don't forget that you have to tkae the steps to move forward. No one can help you out of this, least of all him. And whatever you do, don't go back for "one last dance". It makes things ten times more complicated and plants seeds of unwarranted doubt.

Again, this is just an attempt at helping you out. What worked for me might not work for you.
And I am sure you will be fine. Women are generally more emotional, yet we are intelligent enough to recognize that this is our major weakness and we will try to stop our emotions from unduly influencing us or ruling us. Good luck. smile.gif

#4 dianjan

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Posted 14 March 2007 - 06:15 AM

QUOTE(_femme333_ @ Mar 14 2007, 02:40 AM) View Post

Hello,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend whom I've known for a year now.
We were planning to move in together and maybe even get married.
I thought I found the right person, but time and some circumstances showed that I was wrong.
For the past year, we've always been together and done things together. He was like my best friend, besides being my lover and I was very much used to him.
I guess I had my hopes up for nothing. I'm very sad that things didn't work out for us, and I'm sure that I'm going to feel the hurt for some time.

I've noticed from my past relationships, that it's not easy for me to get over someone I loved quickly. I become too attached to men that I date/love. I'm a student in university and I'm trying to do everything in my power so that my studies will not be affected by my situtation.

How can I get over him quickly? Everytime I come up with a "method" to do that, I start remembering all the great time we had together, especially when we were travelling together, and it makes me sad that things didn't work out. I have to point out that it was me who got fed up with some stuff, and it was me who broke off our present and future plans together.

What methods have you used to get over people you've loved before?

First of all, I know it's a cliche, but time heals all wounds.. So, give it some time and it'll get easier. But you should try spending a lot of time with friends and family and keeping yourself busy. Try to do things that will get your mind off of him.


#5 Takoush

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Posted 14 March 2007 - 06:33 AM

QUOTE(Anahid Takouhi @ Mar 14 2007, 02:56 AM) View Post

It's always very very hard when you are in love; but the only things it seems it's time. In time you'll start forgetting. It has taken me a looooong time to get over it. But that's the way it is kiddo.

The only other thing I would recommend is stay away from romantic movies, romantic places or things, where you've been and did, and also I would recommend for you to travel a different state, country or continent. That would help too. Separation from a loving heart is like death to me, it takes a very long time; but I hope and pray that it doesn't take that long a time for you. I am very sorry for you sweets and keep your head up, indulge yourself into your studies with passion and good luck.

By the way, I read the above a while back; I believe it was in 'Reader's Digest'.

But it looks as though Em has a lot more prescription for you.

Good luck again with you.

Edited by Anahid Takouhi, 14 March 2007 - 06:43 AM.


#6 aSoldier

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Posted 03 April 2007 - 05:26 AM

find a rebound guy

#7 neko

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Posted 03 April 2007 - 06:37 AM

QUOTE(dianjan @ Mar 14 2007, 01:15 PM) View Post

First of all, I know it's a cliche, but time heals all wounds..

A cliche coined by someone who had never been seriously wounded, I think.

#8 Aaron

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Posted 03 April 2007 - 03:02 PM

Hi femme333

Don't want to play psychologists at all ... but I feel strong sympathy for you and that's why I'm writing. Your initial message was so honest and true that I felt compelled to express my thoughts. I just want to mention that, unlike what someone wrote up there, the sex of the one suffering doesn't matter. Pain is pain for all. I'm a guy and I've experienced this because of women before. I had the same concerns, trying to avoid affecting school, work and all ... I'll try to be brief!

1) EM's advice is generally very very good. She knows what she's talking about.

2) You will suffer, it's part of life and that's how our hearts are made. Accept it. The fact that you wrote means you have already done so. The fact that you admitted some degree of responsibility is even better. Good!

3) Only if your situation is very bad: Do your best to avoid negative consequences (on school, on your health, lack of sleep, lack of appetite, weight loss, etc). These may be the hardest issues because of the urgency to deal with them. These become real concrete problems that you will have to face with your preservation instinct, without philosophical and psychological considerations, reasons or analysis. You have to survive and that's it!

Personal tip, if you can't eat the minimum, force yourself to! If, before, you could finish a sandwich in 5 minutes, you may have to do it in an hour now ... but do it. Don't worry, this critical phase does not last very long.

4) Interact with people and keep busy ... although it is normal to be very sensitive, to read, to feel, to listen to music, to ask existential questions, to be fragile, etc ... and this phase will eventually enrich you, you'll gain from the tough times on the long term; more wisdom, more flexibility, more confidence in life, more peace with yourself, and an ability to deal with trouble with more optimism and less stress than before ... and most importantly you'll know life better.

Sorry if some ideas seemed radical but I'm biased because of my experiences, your's may be different, hopefully lighter, maybe you're even over it by now! One thing is 1000 % certain ... things will get easier with time and you'll feel much much better, not to say completely normal (don't hate me for this cliche ... but it's the simple truth)!

One last thing. I, personally, would (and did) talk and discuss with the person when the time comes. Nothing is better than a good and honest conversation ... that is if you guys don't talk now or are in bad terms!

All the best ... and when the time comes, just add a small post to let us know you're feeling better ... it may be pathetic for some but it's not in my book.

A.

#9 Maral

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Posted 03 April 2007 - 03:50 PM

QUOTE(aSoldier @ Apr 3 2007, 06:26 AM) View Post

find a rebound guy

ok you win for the worst advice tongue.gif

#10 Harut

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Posted 03 April 2007 - 05:30 PM

like some said above, pick up a new hobby... like alcoholism...

#11 aSoldier

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Posted 04 April 2007 - 07:58 AM

QUOTE(Maral @ Apr 4 2007, 07:50 AM) View Post

ok you win for the worst advice tongue.gif

lool thanks

#12 _femme333_

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 09:39 AM

Thanks for the additional adive.
This may sound strange, but I'm on the road to getting over him faster than I thought. I didn't think that it was going to be so easy and fast!

Does this mean that I didn't love him or maybe not enough? Because for someone who was trully in love, I'm almost over him and I don't even care! I finally feel at easy and at peace without him. I guess I thought that I was in love, but perhaps it was only strong lust that I feel for him, and nothing more?



Strange!

Edited by _femme333_, 05 April 2007 - 09:40 AM.


#13 Em

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 02:39 PM

"I didn't think that it was going to be so easy and fast!"

Lol. smile.gif True that! Lol. Maybe it is due to the fact that you were emotionally ready to move on. Regardless of the reason, I'm glad you are at such a good place within yourself already.


#14 Takoush

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 03:14 PM

femme; I think you were ready to move on. Remember, you were the one who left him. I believe and or think if he left you and you were not ready to leave him; you would've been in a much worse shape now.

Though I am happy for you that you are free of him, and you have found your inner peace. smile.gif





Edited by Anahid Takouhi, 05 April 2007 - 03:15 PM.


#15 neko

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Posted 06 April 2007 - 05:09 AM

QUOTE(_femme333_ @ Apr 5 2007, 04:39 PM) View Post

Thanks for the additional adive.
This may sound strange, but I'm on the road to getting over him faster than I thought. I didn't think that it was going to be so easy and fast!

Does this mean that I didn't love him or maybe not enough? Because for someone who was trully in love, I'm almost over him and I don't even care! I finally feel at easy and at peace without him. I guess I thought that I was in love, but perhaps it was only strong lust that I feel for him, and nothing more?
Strange!


Maybe it's not surprising that women seem, on the surface, often superficial and very short-term in their emotions, but very intense with them on a day to day level.
Hint. Think biology, think 28 days.

At the begining you have the possibility of something life-changing happening to you. You can put your whole heart and soul into that possibility. But if nothing happens - at the end it's just discarded, thrown away, and it doesn't really matter becasue you are all ready to start a new cycle of possibilities. You have done the same thing with love.



#16 _femme333_

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Posted 06 April 2007 - 10:30 AM

QUOTE(neko @ Apr 6 2007, 04:09 AM) View Post

Maybe it's not surprising that women seem, on the surface, often superficial and very short-term in their emotions, but very intense with them on a day to day level.
Hint. Think biology, think 28 days.

At the begining you have the possibility of something life-changing happening to you. You can put your whole heart and soul into that possibility. But if nothing happens - at the end it's just discarded, thrown away, and it doesn't really matter becasue you are all ready to start a new cycle of possibilities. You have done the same thing with love.



Well why should some of us sit at home and grive over something that was not meant to be?
I never thought that I can move on so quickly, and this is the best thing to do with relationships that don't work for different reasons.
I was listening to some radio station yesterday, and people were calling and telling their side of a story of their past relationships. Most men were saying that when they threaten to leave their girlfriends and wives, then some of them were faced with a suicide threat from their partners. I was listening to it and thinking to myself how stupid can some women be for even thinking about committing sucide just because some idiot no longer wants to be with them.
What's wrong with moving on and doing something new with their life?





#17 aSoldier

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Posted 11 April 2007 - 08:26 AM

QUOTE(_femme333_ @ Apr 7 2007, 02:30 AM) View Post

What's wrong with moving on and doing something new with their life?


nothing, it's great.

#18 DominO

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Posted 11 April 2007 - 03:30 PM

QUOTE(neko @ Apr 6 2007, 07:09 AM) View Post

Hint. Think biology, think 28 days.




This is as wrong as totally ridiculous and prejudicial. Go back reanalysing your "women 101".



#19 David Buttero

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Posted 18 April 2007 - 09:18 PM

Erase everything about him, Pretend like he never exisited. Thats what I do to get over Ex-girl friends. Then i find a rebound girl smile.gif



#20 Anonymouse

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Posted 20 May 2007 - 10:43 PM

How else to cure a broken heart, except by being apart, and through tequila and a new sweet heart.




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