Family Members Trying To Play Matchmaker.
#1
Posted 12 May 2007 - 01:28 PM
#2
Posted 12 May 2007 - 02:32 PM
That's when you pack up and RUN!
But no, my family never tried to hook me up with anyone. They knew better.
Edited by Sip, 12 May 2007 - 02:33 PM.
#4
Posted 14 May 2007 - 08:57 PM
is it bad because they are setting you up with people not right for you?
I know a few people who have been 'set up' and it turned out great,you really dont' have to get serious with everyone you are introduced to.
Edited by Maral, 14 May 2007 - 09:08 PM.
#5
Posted 14 May 2007 - 10:17 PM
You should start to worry when they start hooking you up with members of the same sex
That's when you pack up and RUN!
But no, my family never tried to hook me up with anyone. They knew better.
Sip jan we have gave up on you just like your family
prooof me wrong by sending an invitation on your wedding
and NO Buffet will not do the job this time
#6
Posted 14 May 2007 - 10:21 PM
Do you guys often find your family members trying to "hook you up" with a member of the opposite sex? Has it ever worked?
Emiljan it's ok
k@tesnes
k@sires
kamusnanaq
yerexa kunenaq
aveli shat kashates
mazer@t k@spitaki
mazer@t k@tapvi
k@Tseranas
de lav t@xur banereits chxosenq
Amusnatsy or mer jani Raderr@ imanas ;
incha es azg@ bazmatsnel@ mer v@ra a mnatsel ???
#7
Posted 14 May 2007 - 10:23 PM
#8
Posted 14 May 2007 - 10:49 PM
ok ok ok yerb LA gas mi hat cheloQyabap Pativ k@tas el chem hishetsni anusnanalu masin
#9
Posted 14 May 2007 - 11:45 PM
Mos es jishta?
#10
Posted 20 June 2007 - 03:39 PM
No... my parents were oblivious to it all. Not that they'd be able to be of 'help' even if they weren't!
So I am on my own.
#11
Posted 20 June 2007 - 04:10 PM
May I flip the issue around? What if collectively they are tying to stop you from "hooking -up" or marrying someone? Some of us learn the hard way that the people who love you most and know you best can tell that the person you have chosen is not the best match for you. When you are in "love" it is hard to remove emotion from the equation. The emotions can dilute reality. You start seeing the person as you like them to be and you block out the bad charasteristics and traits that you should be most concerned with. Tehn the family/ friends become the enemy against you and your partner. And one day, you wake up and realize how truly foolish you were. You should have heard and realized that so many could not have been wrong in judging one person. And that one person cannot tkae the place of so many.
At times you look back and realize that your parents only tried to protect you and keep you from harm, but in adolescent yrs you were so intent upon creating your own identity that you went against them and rebelled for no other reason than to just do it "your way".
I have a daughter now, and even though she is very young, I am already worried about such things. When the day comes, how do I reach her and try to make her understand? I want to be able to connect with her on her level, but also have her see life as it is from my experince.
I appreciate my parents and their struggles so much now that I have a child.
#12
Posted 20 June 2007 - 05:36 PM
Em ... I don't have a daughter, I am not a mother, and I don't claim to know much about these things. However it seems to me, you only can really have real influences on your daughter until she meets "him". After that, just let her be and be there for her I just hope until then, you'll have a chance to really program her to look for the kind of person you want her to be with
#13
Posted 20 June 2007 - 06:53 PM
I'm pretty sure you will do what it takes to show how much you love and care for her. In due time she will know that what you want for her is the best. There is no magic solution, don't need to worry about it, you do your part the rest is up to her and hope for the best.
#14
Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:26 PM
Sip....I do not intend to "program" my daughter in any shape or form. Obviously she will be exposed to and influenced by my decisions, life choices, and general taste in all things, but I would never even try to meddle in her personal life. I have seen too many parent-child relationships adversely affected or even severed for such reasons. I think I will trust my daughter to choose wisely and accept whoever makes her happy in her personal life.
To elaborate on what you stated, can I not influence her if I am very cold and distant toward the hypothetical guy? I don't know whether she will change her mind based on my feelings for him. But if I was really intent upon shuting him out, I beleive that would greatly influence her.
My real issue is being able to connect with her as a friend, while still being her mother and not losing ground on that front. This is my dilemma. A few of us young mommys have discussed this topic to death on several occasions, yet I have not come to find solid answers. Do you play both roles? Or do you just stay the disciplinarian and hope that the love and attention will let you into their worlds?
Ufffff...I wish theydid come with manuals. It'd be so much easier.
#15
Posted 20 June 2007 - 11:31 PM
I'm pretty sure you will do what it takes to show how much you love and care for her. In due time she will know that what you want for her is the best. There is no magic solution, don't need to worry about it, you do your part the rest is up to her and hope for the best.
Thank you Yervant. I am doing as much as I can for her. And I am sure she will turn out fine. BUT I actually went to school in this country from grade school and on. So hope is not enough. I want to shelter her.
Do you have any children? I only ask beacuse I used to be very nonchalant and easy going when talking of othe people's kids. Lol. When they are yours, it becomes quite real.
#16
Posted 21 June 2007 - 08:35 AM
Do you have any children? I only ask beacuse I used to be very nonchalant and easy going when talking of othe people's kids. Lol. When they are yours, it becomes quite real.
Yes I do and they are about your age and they turned out to be wonderful. You need to play both roles which is the parent, with it comes giving her all the love and caring, the protection and setting their limits according to their age and enlarging the bounderies as they get older and more mature, keep reminding her that as she gets older she'll have more say in her life. The other role is the friendship where you become her friend and become her best listener, you open up the communication lines by which she will feel comfortable discussing things with you, let her know that her opinion matters and you listen to her. Once you establish that relationship believe me everything will be OK.
Please avoid sheltering her, it's much better for her to find out things through you with your explanations than finding it out outside from others whom might not be the best people or source of information.
#17
Posted 21 June 2007 - 08:44 AM
Please avoid sheltering her, it's much better for her to find out things through you with your explanations than finding it out outside from others whom might not be the best people or source of information.
Yervant, you have kids my age? Wow, cool. I actually liked what you wrote. My parents have given me the exact opposite treatment that you talked about above. I have to say, that at times, I used to wish that they would be strict with me, at least that would have meant that they cared enough to pay attention to what I did and what I felt.
I don't know if it's supposed to be different with male kids, so maybe that is why my parents never showed any signs of caring about what I did?
#18
Posted 21 June 2007 - 09:21 AM
I don't know if it's supposed to be different with male kids, so maybe that is why my parents never showed any signs of caring about what I did?
I'm glad that you liked it.
Yes some parent's hypocrisy is untolerable between their male and female children.
It's never too late to go to your parents and discuss the issue and find out their reasons for their behavior. Let them know how you felt and how much it meant for you. Sometimes a small heart to heart conversation can do miracles for relationships.
#19
Posted 21 June 2007 - 11:00 AM
Yes some parent's hypocrisy is untolerable between their male and female children.
It's never too late to go to your parents and discuss the issue and find out their reasons for their behavior. Let them know how you felt and how much it meant for you. Sometimes a small heart to heart conversation can do miracles for relationships.
That's the thing Yervant... I don't really feel close to my parents and I think that's because of their (past) behavior. Now I rarely talk to them even though we live in the same house... Sometimes - when I was younger - I did feel like talking to them about these things but always felt embarrassed to do so, and also did not know how to open the subject (I tried hinting at it but they did not seem to understand, or maybe they pretended not to understand). Now I have given up on talking to them.
Oh well. To hell with them. Life goes on.
Edited by Sassun, 21 June 2007 - 11:01 AM.
#20
Posted 21 June 2007 - 11:17 AM
Oh well. To hell with them. Life goes on.
Why embarrassed? You seem to be articulating pretty well here in the forum. It's never too late you are all adults, you have your dissapointments and I'm sure they have theirs only mature dialogue can salvage the relationship. Listen and make them listen don't give up like that as you get older and regret it one day, they might not be around.
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