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#21 Anoushik

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 12:54 PM

QUOTE(Edward @ Aug 14 2007, 11:39 AM)
very true

I can't believe I'm reading this. First Nairi, now you? This has nothing to do with shame, but everything to do with respecting another person next to you, be it your long-time lover or a new acquaintance. Why do we have to let go of ourselves? Why not try to be the best we can be in the presence of those we love?

Nairi and Edward, do you think it's ok to belch and fart in front of your parents and kids as well? Surely, you reason that you feel very comfortable and close to them as well?

#22 Yervant1

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 12:54 PM

QUOTE(Edward @ Aug 14 2007, 02:46 PM)
No Sip, after I eat the Mexican I jump into the hot tub and enjoy a nice bubble bath with a sigar and chardoney wine pal.

and so my German shepherd biggrin.gif

Natural bubbles the best, just add some liquid soap. lol.gif

#23 vava

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 01:15 PM

QUOTE(Anonymouse @ Aug 14 2007, 02:43 PM)
So you're admitting that women always want to change a man and force him to compromise?


Nobody's "forcing" anything. If someone (man or woman) desires to partake in a particular relationship, he/she chooses to adapt to the said relationship. If you don't want to "change" in some manner, you are always free to terminate the relationship. Besides, who's to say the woman is not compromising when she "allows" her man to behave in a manner she doesn't appreciate? Compromise goes both ways, and amongst consenting adults, I see nothing particularly wrong with it.

#24 vava

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 01:17 PM

QUOTE(nairi @ Aug 14 2007, 05:37 AM)
I believe it was Vava who once said: "I hate it when people live up to their stereotypes,"


I did? smile.gif I agree, but I don't remember saying that...

#25 nairi

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 01:46 PM

QUOTE(Anonymouse @ Aug 14 2007, 08:43 PM)
So you're admitting that women always want to change a man and force him to compromise?


Unlike you, I do not believe in generalizations. There are plenty of meek women who will do everything to keep their man, even if it means putting up with their shit.

#26 nairi

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 01:47 PM

QUOTE(anoushik @ Aug 14 2007, 08:54 PM)
I can't believe I'm reading this. First Nairi, now you? This has nothing to do with shame, but everything to do with respecting another person next to you, be it your long-time lover or a new acquaintance. Why do we have to let go of ourselves? Why not try to be the best we can be in the presence of those we love?


If you can't even feel comfortable and at home with your partner, what's the point?

QUOTE
Nairi and Edward, do you think it's ok to belch and fart in front of your parents and kids as well? Surely, you reason that you feel very comfortable and close to them as well?


You have not met my father yet. wink.gif

#27 nairi

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE(vava @ Aug 14 2007, 09:15 PM)
Nobody's "forcing" anything. If someone (man or woman) desires to partake in a particular relationship, he/she chooses to adapt to the said relationship. If you don't want to "change" in some manner, you are always free to terminate the relationship. Besides, who's to say the woman is not compromising when she "allows" her man to behave in a manner she doesn't appreciate? Compromise goes both ways, and amongst consenting adults, I see nothing particularly wrong with it.


The voice of reason speaks. smile.gif

#28 Anoushik

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 01:56 PM

QUOTE(nairi @ Aug 14 2007, 12:47 PM)
If you can't even feel comfortable and at home with your partner, what's the point?
You have not met my father yet. wink.gif

All right, Nairi, it's a personal choice then, like someone already mentioned.

#29 Harut

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:25 PM

giving up on certain things (or changing yourself) to be accepted by a woman is not a compromise, it's submission... compromise is when you agree to give up on certain thing in return of her giving up on other certain thing...

either way you're f'ed up... the first one creates a win-lose situation and you are the loser... the second one creates a lose-lose situation...

the same goes for women of course...

Edited by Harut, 14 August 2007 - 02:33 PM.


#30 vava

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:27 PM

QUOTE(Harut @ Aug 14 2007, 04:25 PM)
.... the second one creates a lose-lose situation...


or gain-gain, depending on how you look at things.

#31 Ani

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:35 PM

QUOTE(Anonymouse @ Aug 14 2007, 12:59 PM)
It's interesting that the females thought this way. However, I never said anything about finding anyone with the exact same values or someone who is in tune with you on everything. Are you folks reading the same thread? It's about finding someone who will accept you for you are and not make you compromise and try to change you (both your core values of who you are, as well as little shit like what kind of movies you want to watch, because as anyone in relationships know, arguments revolve around the little things, habits, choices, etc.). It has nothing to do with finding someone who has the same and identical values as you.

However, it is everything about how women have this innate drive and nature to try to 'change a man'. It's sort of hardwired in their 'makeover' gene, like when they get a room, they want to decorate and do a makeover. They try the same thing with their men.

And if this stance is going to curse me to a life of solitude, then so be it.


I do not consider myself a relationship expert at all, but let me notice, most of the people who discuss this topic are not married or have kids...

People DO change in time...
Anonimouse, are you the same person with the same habbits that you were lets say 10 years ago?
I am positive you are not...Everything around us has great effect on the personality we develop, things that seem impossible to do when we're 18 become a regular chore at 25...The point i am trying to make is that after we have kids and family, some of the wishes and desires become secondary (that includes farting,smile.gif.. etc, and that makes us change our personality (or our lifestyle maybe)...

I see your point..There ARE women that act "my way or No way"...But most women try to do what is better for their family, if that includes asking their husband to come home earlier that 3 in a morning, i would not call it "inner drive to change a man" ...

I might be wrong...Who knows...



#32 Harut

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:36 PM

QUOTE(vava @ Aug 14 2007, 01:27 PM)
or gain-gain, depending on how you look at things.


well, it depends how good your negotiation skills are and how little you can give up in return of a big gain and at the same time convince your spose that he/she got a great deal... biggrin.gif

#33 ED

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 02:56 PM

QUOTE(anoushik @ Aug 14 2007, 11:54 AM)
I can't believe I'm reading this. First Nairi, now you? This has nothing to do with shame, but everything to do with respecting another person next to you, be it your long-time lover or a new acquaintance. Why do we have to let go of ourselves? Why not try to be the best we can be in the presence of those we love?

Nairi and Edward, do you think it's ok to belch and fart in front of your parents and kids as well? Surely, you reason that you feel very comfortable and close to them as well?



show me where I said in front of childreen and parents, public or in general "out there",
what I said was, your loved one and after so many many years you feel like you two becaame one
you wouldent know, but wait 20 more years smile.gif

#34 ED

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 03:04 PM

has oanyone flew a cross country flight on any airline laitly?
fewwwwww now thats discasting ohmy.gif .
take a good dump before the flight and just eat snakes Sip wink.gif


#35 Sip

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 03:28 PM

Hahahaha about the flights ... that's why I drive from WI to CA any chance I get. Just roll down the windows when needed smile.gif

The worst one was a flight I had from chicago to DC a few months ago ... there was this bald guy reading the bible and I could swear every verse he would say a haleluja and let one rip. That has definitely been the worst flight I have ever been on (a second close one was the one I had the seat 2 rows away from the bathroom and some old lady went in about 1/2 way into the flight (detroit to LA).



#36 Em

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 03:36 PM

I also subscribe to the belief that a relationship without compromise will not last long. It's all about give and take. If each person lived their life according to their wants, needs, cares..then a true "coming together" of hearts and minds would not occur. Of course, some people are not meant to marry. They would not survive wihin the confines of that prison very long. smile.gif For the rest of us, there is great joy and comfort in realizing that the other person you have devoted so much of yourself to does not mind "submitting" to your way of things once in a while.

Asumen, herrtova, zorrov chi.....

I wonder how many men agreed with Anonymous at age 25 but changed their minds at 30, 35, 40?!?!?!? I know a few who did.


#37 DominO

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 03:40 PM

Here is my point of view, and again from an evolutionary vision.

I disagree with mouse, when either of the two stop compromising this means the flame is not burning anymore. Love is not the consequences of compromise, but compromise is the consequences of love. With old couple, some of the compromises are not compromise anymore, they become usual automatism after long time restriction.

#38 Yervant1

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 03:42 PM

QUOTE(Domino @ Aug 14 2007, 05:40 PM)
Here is my point of view, and again from an evolutionary vision.

I disagree with mouse, when either of the two stop compromising this means the flame is not burning anymore. Love is not the consequences of compromise, but compromise is the consequences of love. With old couple, some of the compromises are not compromise anymore, they become usual automatism after long time restriction.

I tottally agree with this statement. smile.gif

#39 Anonymouse

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 06:25 PM

QUOTE(vava @ Aug 14 2007, 02:15 PM)
Nobody's "forcing" anything. If someone (man or woman) desires to partake in a particular relationship, he/she chooses to adapt to the said relationship. If you don't want to "change" in some manner, you are always free to terminate the relationship. Besides, who's to say the woman is not compromising when she "allows" her man to behave in a manner she doesn't appreciate? Compromise goes both ways, and amongst consenting adults, I see nothing particularly wrong with it.


That's one way of defining compromise. It's such a definition that no matter what we do, we are invariably compromising even when we least imagine. However, I'm not concerned with that definition, or perspective.

I understand reasonably well what you are saying and where you are coming from. I understand that when one really likes or loves someone, one will be tempted to do whatever it takes to satisfy thy lovers heart.

When you say "chooses" to adapt to the said relationship, what do you mean? Do you mean now that one is forced to watch romantic comedies, not because one likes to, but because their partner likes to? And because their partner is watching, out of "respect" and "to spend time together", you will sit there wasting two hours of your life watching something you do not enjoy simply to satisfy your partner?

And a woman never allows a man to behave in any way. A man's choice of behavior is not dependent on a woman's allowance, nor vice versa. Behavior comes from within and how people act is a reflection of who they are and how they think. If she does not like it, she can pack her bags and leave. That's my point. People get into relationships and try to change each other. Why?

We don't demand such silly things in friendship and put ridiculous expectations on friends to conform to our little whims and fancies, yet why do we demand the same in relationships and love? This makes no god damned sense.

#40 Anonymouse

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Posted 14 August 2007 - 06:33 PM

QUOTE(Ani777 @ Aug 14 2007, 03:35 PM)
I do not consider myself a relationship expert at all, but let me notice, most of the people who discuss this topic are not married or have kids...

People DO change in time...
Anonimouse, are you the same person with the same habbits that you were lets say 10 years ago?
I am positive you are not...Everything around us has great effect on the personality we develop, things that seem impossible to do when we're 18 become a regular chore at 25...The point i am trying to make is that after we have kids and family, some of the wishes and desires become secondary (that includes farting,smile.gif.. etc, and that makes us change our personality (or our lifestyle maybe)...

I see your point..There ARE women that act "my way or No way"...But most women try to do what is better for their family, if that includes asking their husband to come home earlier that 3 in a morning, i would not call it "inner drive to change a man" ...

I might be wrong...Who knows...


This is a good post, however, it does not relate to what I am saying.

Our change overtime as individuals has about as much to do with relationships and compromise as Popeye has to do with Turkish and Israeli denial of the Armenian genocide.

Nor am I denying that kids change the relationship, period. In fact, almost everyone I talk to says that after children, their relations change, especially sexually. However, this to me would indicate a certain asterisk in life. What you do for your kids, whose lives depend on you since you brought them into this world, would be a bit of different compromise, than your cliche husband/wife yells and demands.

And please don't misunderstand my position. I know full well that most relationships overtime do have arguments and many of them petty that revolve around stupid things. For example, Husband Bob does not like the fact that his wife does not stay home all the time to cook and clean. She does as much as she can, but she prefers the career as well. Husband Bob should not be angry at Wife Betty for who she is. Husband Bob should have known this from the beginning and realized what he is getting himself into and if he didn't like that he should have avoided Wife Betty. After 4 years of marriage, it would be stupid, childish, selfish and uncalled for for Husband Bob to sit there, complain to his wife about her lifestyle that you cannot have a career and a family at the same time, and make arguments over this. At this point, he shouldn't try to change her, so much as accept her for who she is. Otherwise, why be with that person at all? He should just get a divorce.




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