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A 3 Year Relationship Which Ended In Heartbreak. Help!


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#41 Eva

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Posted 29 June 2007 - 07:32 PM

QUOTE(mozart920 @ Jun 13 2007, 10:58 PM) View Post
Hi Everyone,

I entered this forum in hopes that all of you guys and girls would have a better perspective for me in my situation. I'm hoping someone can help me make sense of things and help heal a really really broken heart.

For the past 3 years, I have been in an interracial relationship with my boyfriend (who is of Armenian descent). I myself, am not Armenian, but of Asian descent. We recently broke up because of "irreconcilable issues" which to this day, I still do not know what they are.

In the beginning as all relationships are, everything was great and we were together for a good amount of time each week. As the years progressed, I met everyone except for the two people I should have met... the parents. I have always been open for him to attend my family functions etc.. but he always seemed put off by that fact.

As more time passed, I've been noticing that he always spent more time with his friends than he did with me. His friends even asked me why he doesn't bring me around and I really don't know what to say.

I got really nervous a month ago (the day we broke up) and I checked his email out of curiosity. I was shocked (but not too shocked) to see a bunch of emails referring to an Armenian dating site. He caught me in the act, but at the same time, I felt as if I caught him red handed too. I asked him about the site and he told me it was just something his friends said was cool to join... around a year ago! (that's how far the emails date back). He told me it wasn't his thing, but my point is, he wouldn't have made an entire profile up if he wasn't hoping to meet a new girlfriend of the same nationality.

I asked if he was happy and he said no... I asked why and he said he "didn't know." He said there are issues that can't be resolved and I asked him what issues... but he couldn't name anything specific- he said he just "knew". He said he wanted to take a break for now. So in the end of that night, I basically couldn't be with someone who didn't want to be with me.. someone who's dragged me along for too long if he really couldn't accept me for who I am.

I guess the whole point of the this story is, he tells me that he loves me for 3 years, but this happens. I know that he has never dated an Armenian girl before and I know there are certain levels that I do not know how to connect with him on, and he has that yearning to date his own culture. But I on the other hand, have dated my own culture and have had more problems in that relationship than I did in this one... I truly loved this person regardless of nationality and was open to communication- the whole nine yards. In the end, I ended up with this broken heart which I'm still trying to heal.. but it's only been a month since the breakup.

I understand that it is probably deeper to date someone in your own culture.. but doesn't true love count for anything anymore? Does anyone have words of wisdom for me?

Thank you!!!



I am really sorry for what happened to you, but do you really think that he( the guy you used to date) feels the same way as you do,, You are feeling sad and trying to find answers for this whole situation, I am not trying to seem harsh on you, but do you really think he thinks and worries about this situation the way you do,, you are young and I am sure will have happy life with a person who will really love you and adore you,, so move on and be happy ,, I really had bad times in my life too, but never gave up on it,, so cheer up.. good luck.

#42 Kouklitsa

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Posted 17 July 2007 - 06:43 PM

I am very sorry about your situation. I felt I might have had the same problem with my current boyfriend, but I am actually accepted because I guess I am a better fit for his family than his Colombian girlfriend. His mother refused to speak to him or be around him until he dumped her. So, guess what...he rebelled a little while and then dumped her.

I am not Armenian but I date an Armenian. My parents are Greeks from Trapouzia (mom is from Rize). I know Greek have no problems with Armenian - just if I date a Turk! I could bring home a black guy faster - and trust me, I wouldn't bring home a black guy unless I just had a death wish. I did date a Turk once. He was one of my best relationships ever. Scary, right?! My Armo boy is a good boy, too. Armenian guys are like Greek guys but not as cheap on dates and better in the sack.

Edited by Kouklitsa, 17 July 2007 - 06:53 PM.


#43 gamavor

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 12:00 AM

QUOTE
Armenian guys are like Greek guys but not as cheap on dates and better in the sack.


There is a bottle of wine for you waiting to be shipped! Welcome to the Funny Farm! smile.gif

#44 Anileve

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 08:09 AM

In my experience, it's useless to tell women what to do with their romantic situations, they never listen. If most of my girlfriends would listen to me they would be in much better relationships and situations overall.

He cheats on you, you catch him, he begs for forgiveness, you get back together, you find out that while he is with you he has a baby with another woman, you break up and get back together. 2 years of this and counting, and you complain to others, and say "Yes you are right, it makes sense" but insist on doing the same thing.

He disrespects you, dominates, insults, disinterested, completely self involved and overly self important, bad communication and in need of a psychologist to help you in that area. You are young, very attractive, make good money and can have better prospects, but you still go one with the wedding plans.

And the list of stories goes on.... I can write a book.

Egh, I am fed up with giving advice or feeling sorry. I refuse to pity people, if you don't like it change your situation. If you can't condition or control your mind, someone else will and it will not be a good thing.

There is nothing worse than spending 3 hours several times and talking about the same darn subject over and over again, and then poof like nothing has ever been said. People essentially do what they want to do and then complain...

You know I find it funny, when the situation gets so bad, that they have to just conceal the actions and try to make excuses. "He forgot my birthday, but you know he is usually very good, last year he took my car to the carwash on my birthday!"





#45 karnoug

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 10:15 AM

QUOTE(Anileve @ Jul 18 2007, 09:09 AM)
In my experience, it's useless to tell women what to do with their romantic situations, they never listen. If most of my girlfriends would listen to me they would be in much better relationships and situations overall.

He cheats on you, you catch him, he begs for forgiveness, you get back together, you find out that while he is with you he has a baby with another woman, you break up and get back together. 2 years of this and counting, and you complain to others, and say "Yes you are right, it makes sense" but insist on doing the same thing.

He disrespects you, dominates, insults, disinterested, completely self involved and overly self important, bad communication and in need of a psychologist to help you in that area. You are young, very attractive, make good money and can have better prospects, but you still go one with the wedding plans.

And the list of stories goes on.... I can write a book.

Egh, I am fed up with giving advice or feeling sorry. I refuse to pity people, if you don't like it change your situation. If you can't condition or control your mind, someone else will and it will not be a good thing.

There is nothing worse than spending 3 hours several times and talking about the same darn subject over and over again, and then poof like nothing has ever been said. People essentially do what they want to do and then complain...

You know I find it funny, when the situation gets so bad, that they have to just conceal the actions and try to make excuses. "He forgot my birthday, but you know he is usually very good, last year he took my car to the carwash on my birthday!"


Anileve, I complete feel you! It just amazes me how short sighted some women can be. They are so afraid of being alone that they'd rather put up with losers and eat up their lies. My prayer for these girls is to see their worth and stop selling themselves short. But as you said, nothing makes a difference, they will do what they want at the end anyway... The sadest part is that they make the wrong decisions KNOWINGLY!

#46 ExtraHye

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 11:51 AM

I understand what you guys are saying, but is there such a thing as the perfect guy? No just as there is no such thing as the perfect lady. As long as they love each other then everything will work out at the end.

#47 DominO

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 04:36 PM

QUOTE(karnoug @ Jul 18 2007, 12:15 PM)
Anileve, I complete feel you! It just amazes me how short sighted some women can be. They are so afraid of being alone that they'd rather put up with losers and eat up their lies. My prayer for these girls is to see their worth and stop selling themselves short. But as you said, nothing makes a difference, they will do what they want at the end anyway... The sadest part is that they make the wrong decisions KNOWINGLY!


It is not that simple, this behavior is the result of evolution. Men like that have some positive genes, and the only reason those genes survived was because of a combination of genes which gave some phyisical and behavioral characteristic which attracted certain type of women. It is a coevolutioary behavior. Which means that the being actually cheated ignored is one of the characteristics which will attract in a specific group of women. So it is not only being afraid to be alone, as it is unlikely that those subset of women will fall in love with a man who always care for her, remember her birthdays, doesn't cheat etc. If anything it is the man who will look like the disasperate in that case, so from both spectrum he'll be the looser.

#48 DeLaLa

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 07:43 PM

QUOTE(Domino)
If anything it is the man who will look like the disasperate in that case, so from both spectrum he'll be the looser.


that is simply a complex armenian men have (ive only seen this complex in usa and canada armenians i must add) . on my many trips to america or canada i discovered very fast that armenian men there have this absolut horror of somehow looking as a looser . i rarely met men who acted natural and were just themselves ... its all a show ... with a sad fassade behind it .

#49 Kouklitsa

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Posted 20 July 2007 - 08:51 PM

QUOTE(gamavor @ Jul 18 2007, 02:00 AM)
There is a bottle of wine for you waiting to be shipped! Welcome to the Funny Farm! smile.gif


Gamavor --- it's an inside secret that you have to be crazy to actually WANT TO BE with anyone from our part of the world! Anyone whose people spent time in Asia Minor are all a little touched in the head. I think our poor, heartbroken love got the better end of the deal leaving the drama wink.gif

#50 Kouklitsa

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Posted 20 July 2007 - 08:53 PM

QUOTE(DeLaLa @ Jul 18 2007, 09:43 PM)
that is simply a complex armenian men have (ive only seen this complex in usa and canada armenians i must add) . on my many trips to america or canada i discovered very fast that armenian men there have this absolut horror of somehow looking as a looser . i rarely met men who acted natural and were just themselves ... its all a show ... with a sad fassade behind it .


Ah the "complex"! The facade usually takes shape as a complex that involves driving a black Audi or silver Acura, wearing lotsa gold and having overwhelming chest hair peeping out from beneath their shirt, etc...??? I could write a novel about the "complex".

#51 AVO

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Posted 20 July 2007 - 10:54 PM

I think I found her on youtube


#52 Sip

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Posted 20 July 2007 - 11:55 PM

QUOTE(Avo47 @ Jul 20 2007, 11:54 PM)
I think I found her on youtube


That's awesome!!!! They should have had her say other things too biggrin.gif

#53 Sip

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Posted 20 July 2007 - 11:57 PM

QUOTE(DeLaLa @ Jul 18 2007, 08:43 PM)
that is simply a complex armenian men have (ive only seen this complex in usa and canada armenians i must add) . on my many trips to america or canada i discovered very fast that armenian men there have this absolut horror of somehow looking as a looser . i rarely met men who acted natural and were just themselves ... its all a show ... with a sad fassade behind it .


Are you saying Armenian men in America are naturally losers? ohmy.gif What's wrong with not wanting to look like a loser?

#54 DeLaLa

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Posted 21 July 2007 - 03:15 AM

sip sip sip .... where shoull i start and where shoull i end ? so you people really want to know the odysee of all the strange dates i had with armenian men in usa/canada ?

#55 Sip

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Posted 21 July 2007 - 03:24 AM

Just the juicy ones ...

#56 DeLaLa

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Posted 21 July 2007 - 04:21 AM

ok ...

let me start by the story of my very last date i had with an armenian in the U S and A ! ok , armenian , 39 years old wants a date with DeLaLa ... i must add it was one of these dates which my relatives arranged ... you know these dates where they say "LaLajan ... shat lav hay dxa me gah ... blablabla " ... ok. so i propose this guy to first chat via internet , to get to know him at least a little bit before the horror starts . we chat a bit , and very soon after comes the famous armenian-guy-question "ARE YOU THIN OR ARE YOU FAT?" (complex number one ---> armenian men have a neurotic paranoia about showing themselves in public with a fat armenian axchik) i answer him : i am fat !
his next question was OF COURSE ... "CAN YOU SEND ME A PHOTO?" (in other words: how fat are you ?) lol ... i send him a photo of myself and what follows is ... he wants to see more photos ... i end up sending 23 photos of myself ! anyway... the day "X" comes and he picks me up to go to dinner ect... the first moment he ever sees me in person it seemed as if he swallowed his tongue ... his first words : " you are not fat "
we go to a shat shat nice restaurant and with every new dish which comes onto the dinnertable he confesses me one after one ... he starts telling me he is suffering from icterus since 3 years after he had just finished the story of his broken knee ... by the time the main dish comes he starts xatchvegah telling me in details how awful the med. colonoscopy was which he had made only 3 days ago !!!!!!! to be honest , i was expecting him to (after all he told me about himself ) to still continue and tell me "oh and i am impotent"
...

got to go now , but next story is to follow lol ...


#57 Anoushik

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Posted 21 July 2007 - 09:17 AM

QUOTE(DeLaLa @ Jul 21 2007, 03:21 AM)
we chat a bit , and very soon after comes the famous armenian-guy-question "ARE YOU THIN OR ARE YOU FAT?"

Why would you ever agree to go on a date with him when he asks you this question? When I date guys I make sure that first and foremost they are respectful towards all women, not just the women they are dating. That's when I know that they are gentlemen. Of course, being a gentleman is just the minimum requirement!

#58 Yervant1

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Posted 21 July 2007 - 10:17 AM

QUOTE(DeLaLa @ Jul 21 2007, 05:15 AM)
sip sip sip .... where shoull i start and where shoull i end ? so you people really want to know the odysee of all the strange dates i had with armenian men in usa/canada ?

How many dates does it take to learn?
Maybe you have attraction to losers, as some girls have attraction to bad boys. smile.gif

#59 Sip

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Posted 21 July 2007 - 01:34 PM

That's funny stuff delala ...

I personally never ask a woman if she is fat. The answer is always yes. So it is a useless question sad.gif
About the pictures, that should be standard practice. As a very cool guy (MJ) around here once said (I might be paraphrasing a bit), a blind date is a bad idea because it's very hard to find someone who is willing to be blind. I think it is a VERY bad sign if a girl is hesitant to send pictures before a meeting in real life, there are only really 2 possibilities:

1. Really can't send pictures - i.e. she is a moron.
2. Doesn't want to send pictures - either very ugly or completely paranoid.



#60 DeLaLa

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Posted 21 July 2007 - 04:58 PM

QUOTE(anoushik @ Jul 21 2007, 05:17 PM)
Why would you ever agree to go on a date with him when he asks you this question? When I date guys I make sure that first and foremost they are respectful towards all women, not just the women they are dating. That's when I know that they are gentlemen. Of course, being a gentleman is just the minimum requirement!


anoushik , ayo you are very right but i was also a gentleman to have dated him (; i dont know why i did , but i did ... look ... i also have story from canada for you . this armenian family calls my aunt because they were interested in me for their son ... uremn , after 3 phonecalls with my aunt and his mother back and forth ... his mother asks my aunt if i am fat , because , she says "my son likes thin axchiks" ! so my aunt replies "no LaLa is tumbullik , she is not thin thin" ... so his mom tell my aunt "oh ok , then i have to ask him if he wants to date her or not again " looool ... so his mom calls again and tells my aunt "no , he told me he doesnt want to date LaLa after i told him she is chubby " so anushikjan , i did tell my aunt she can tell his mom he can go to hell and that she can tell this woman i will not go to a date with this dmbo-son of hers ! so , 6 weeks go by and on a sunday i go to this armenian fundraising party , something like 100 armenians there , and this dmbo and his parents are also there (they had never seen me until that day in person) ... vuyyyyyyy ... vrass paggan like glue . his mother begged my aunt for the following 6 weeks for me to go on a dinner with him , her maymun-son was crazy for me . but i never did BUT i had a great laugh and it was a revenge sweeter than paghlava ! grinnnn (:


QUOTE(Yervant1 @ Jul 21 2007, 06:17 PM)
How many dates does it take to learn?
Maybe you have attraction to losers, as some girls have attraction to bad boys. smile.gif


yervantjan , tsavigget danem , i never met any armenian weird guys like in europe ever . there are differences like night and day ... not only armenian guys also armenian axchiks . and if you yervant , want to really make me believe that you didnt have at least 3 different dates with any armenian supermaterialistic women there , then you are a big pinokkio ! (; do you know what the very first question of my female cousins and friends was after such armenian date ? "what car does he drive?" so... ?!?

QUOTE(Sip @ Jul 21 2007, 09:34 PM)
That's funny stuff delala ...

I personally never ask a woman if she is fat. The answer is always yes. So it is a useless question sad.gif
About the pictures, that should be standard practice. As a very cool guy (MJ) around here once said (I might be paraphrasing a bit), a blind date is a bad idea because it's very hard to find someone who is willing to be blind. I think it is a VERY bad sign if a girl is hesitant to send pictures before a meeting in real life, there are only really 2 possibilities:

1. Really can't send pictures - i.e. she is a moron.
2. Doesn't want to send pictures - either very ugly or completely paranoid.


hahaha ... sipjan , how can an armenian man be succesful is dating with a swiss-panir on his head ? hm? ts ts ts ... how many ankams i told you to change to a basturma-hat ? ba ! ches lssum ints ...





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