47 replies to this topic

[Anonymouse]

I find this behavior in women all too common and corroborated by none other than female behavior. Perhaps some women care to clarify this. My experience has been that most women will be attracted to assholes more than nice guys. This shows that those males who are "sensitive", and "nice", who are suffering from "just friends syndrome" as an emotional comfort provider for that said woman who may have at a given moment been a victim of the asshole.

For example, you know one of your female friends is dating an ahole, but she doesn't know no matter what you say until the asshole in him comes out.
Then, of course, you would think she would learn, but she doesn't. She finds another asshole, and the cycle continues. And from this deductively flows the phrase "Nice guys finish last."

[angel4hope]

that is very true, i find evidence through observations and through some personal expereinces, its weird, but honestly ,the guy whose being nice, you dont care much about-cause hes there, but te one thats an asshole, you wonder why, and it makes it even more desireable....ive had this talk with many of my close guy friends...who have seen such behavior...they say that when being an ass to a woman, they were persued by her more, and when being nice and sweet, the women had no desire to go after them...i think it all has to do with wanting what is harder to get....

of course i myself like it when guys are nice and sweet, but sometimes i confuse myself, not in serious relationships...but in social situations where i find myself attracted to certain types of men....and notice that im more passive when it comes to men who are nicer and get hurt more with ones who are assholes and want to know why and feel like im attracted 2 the assholes more lol perhaps it has to do with the fact that with the asshol you know what youre getting, but with the nice guy, ure afraid theres something else theyre hiding...

[angel4hope]

ohh heres a story..one of my guy friends had this huge crush on his sister's best friend,....and whenever hed persue her, having in mind that he was waaaaaaay to nice, shed reject him....
but lately, after seeing her behavior, he tried avoiding her as much as possible and being rude to her, and due to some odd consequences...she began approaching him more..and he was playing hard to get...now she totally head over heals on him...hes still playin hard 2 get (a lil too much) but well he can say it worked 4 him....

[shiner]

hey anon,
I'm not a women, but I think it appears that way cause women want a guy who has an edge, presents a challenge, and can control the situation. And guys want this too in girls too a certain extent.

Would you want an EXTREMELY nice girl who does everything you say, never argues, never goes off on a limb, and does everything for you cause she is so "nice"? I wouldn't. What I mean is I would want someone that can add flair to my personality and the above description does not fit that.

Girls want this "edginess" even more in their guy. They want him to be nice, but at the same time they don't want him to bow down to them. Afterall they still want him to be in control.

Or even if they want him to be nice to them, they don't necessarily want him to be extremely nice in general with the rest of the world.

Of course this is general and only my take on it.

[den_wolf]

The Theory That Women Prefer..., A--h-les

Yes, that is why I never get approached by women, like I'm some kind of a wolf...

[angel4hope]

lol wolfie....aww ure so cute!! lol dont lie now....u know u get approached...lol and who said the big bad wolfie is nice?

[den_wolf]

This shows that those males who are "sensitive", and "nice", who are suffering from "just friends syndrome" as an emotional comfort provider for that said woman who may have at a given moment been a victim of the asshole.

Well now, what do you mean by that? A lot of nice guys have the "just friends syndrome" (I don't know if you were referring to that or the opposite, sorry, lack of sleep again). Which is why not too many women (read "none") approach me. Because I don't want to scare them off, even if I do like them in a more than friends way. And usually they are "scared away" when I take a step towards being more than just friends, and then you see them starting to date an *sshole.

Angel, I do get approached, but only by students. And I wouldn't want to be involved in a sexual harassment case right when I'm launching my career in the academic circle. So I'm pretty much like Tom Hanks in "Cast Away" when it comes to women... (hated that movie, by the way).

[BitterSweet]

women want a guy who has an edge, presents a challenge, and can control the situation.

I agree... it's challenging... but there definately are limits... a little bit of bad is sexy (it works both ways for males & females)... but too much of something is just plain too much.

to be a asshole doesnt work to mens benefits... it might seem attractive in the beginning, but it will ultimately become the biggest turn off at the end.


I also think it comes with age... the younger you are, the more assholish the guy is (bad boy) attracts you... but with maturity, the nice guy who knows how to treat u right (i'm not talking about guys who're controlled by the ladies) will ultimately be "noticed."

Edited by BitterSweet, 10 February 2004 - 12:05 AM.

[den_wolf]

women want a guy who has an edge, presents a challenge, and can control the situation.

I don't think so. I think women don't know what they want, and that is why end up with the *ssholes all the time (or most of the time, at least). I mean, I think I am an amalgamation of challenge, the ability to "control", and having an "edge," but I still don't get any women, or at least those that I do get are those with low self-esteem.

[Anonymouse]

Well, I've noticed this in the circles of friends from high school to college and I just read an article dealing with the sexes which prompted me to make this thread.

In any event, I guess theres a bit of asshole in each of us, but some more less than others. I would think that it's not so much of being an asshole, as it is of being in control of yourself.

I'm pretty sure, and the ladies can clarify, that they don't like dishrags and doormats either. If you're desperate, and believe me women can tell when you are, you're more likely to turn into one of the latter. It's not a sexy look on a guy.

[den_wolf]

LOL, no, I'm not a doormat.. And women can't tell anything. They want you to think they do. But trust me, they don't. I've known some women who said it, all women say it, it's the cliché of womanhood. Perhaps popular culture has to be blamed for it. My mom and dad used to argue about it the whole time. I guess I took my dad's side. He believed the same thing. That women didn't know when men were "too desparate."

Edited by den_wolf, 10 February 2004 - 12:26 AM.

[gevo27]

Well.. here is my 2 1/2 cents on this:::

I hate seeing my friends with Aholes... It irritates me and inevitably they get hurt and come looking for a friendship and love and blah blah lah... But i think the worry here should be for each of us guys and each girl to realize what we do want in a girl or a guy.. But.. here is how i think my personality is..

When i have a serious relationship ( as in i love her and she loves me, whatever way we describe love at that point) it wouldnt really matter to me who makes the small decisions in our everyday lives.. like where we et for dinner, what movie we watch, what we do this saturday.. on and on.... So by me not caring or giving power of decision to her inthese types of situation i dont see it making any significant difference in our lives...in this sense i dont think there is an issue of superiority between the guy or girl..so mouse when you say

This shows that those males who are "sensitive", and "nice", who are suffering from "just friends syndrome"

I can definatly see your point, its very right.. and true to reality..

but.. i am trying to say, if we add "mutuality" to our relationships, then neither the guy nor the girl has to worry much about whos superior, whos a bad boy, and so on..but i guess if we were to all just have good relationships and be mutual withour partners and equaly and stuf.. .that woul dbe utopian socialogy... LOl... another new term for all ya...!!!

[Twilight Bark]

Anonymouse,
Perhaps you can understand your theory in terms of the evolution theory that you seem to dislike. Attraction to a jerk is plausible to the extent that it signifies strength; and I am sure the a*hole in question would be a "cool" one and not the "goofball" type. That theory also has the corollary given by the cliche "I can change him". In other words, "he will be a strong protector of my offspring, and be a jerk if need be, but will be a prince to me and my offspring".

Submitted to the review of the ladies of the forum.

[Anonymouse]

I see, an interesting twist that essentially goes to the root of it all, our animality and the species evolution.

Yea, them nice guys aren't good protectors of the seed therefore not fit to survive.

[Twilight Bark]

them nice guys aren't good protectors of the seed therefore not fit to survive.

Not quite. The attraction-to-jerks phenomenon is real enough, but it offers only one of the possible responses to the evolutionary pressures. Some women are attracted to "competent niceness". If you want an archetype, watch "Arnold" on Nickelodeon. Yes, it's a kid's show, but he is the type.

[Hyeflyer]

I will have to aggree with nice guys finish last. I was one of them.You know never forget a b-day, open the car door, pay the resturant tab.Need a few bucks,cry on my shoulder. Wife#1 left with my boss,asshole with more$ than me. Wife#2 left me with our 2 kids to raise.Reason I didnt want to go out and party and dance,I wanted to be responsible. I became a asshole and met a woman 8 years yunger then me and weve been together 15 years. She works full time.I work seasonal. She pays the bills I pay for her vacation so I can go on mine without her. What do you expect she doesnt like to go fishing. If she wants something my reply is your friggin legs aint broke get it yourself and while your in the fridge get me a beer. Oh and make me a sammich too. Its been 15 years of bliss since I bacame a asshole and prode of it. I'll never open a car door again or pay for my meal again and while your up get me a FRIGGIN BEER.

[nairi]

If you want an archetype, watch "Arnold" on Nickelodeon.

Who's "Arnold" on Nickelodeon?

As for women, like men, they each have their own tastes and desperations.

[Maral]

I don't think most women are attracted to jerks...I think most women,maybe all,are attracted to confident men.And in some men the two are inseparable.
What do you think?

[Sip]

Here's my current theory on the subject ...

A man wants what a man wants.
A woman wants what other women want.

So how does this play out in the context of the desirable "jerk"? Well, if he is behaving like a jerk towards a woman, then he must not be interested in that woman as he can probably get other women. And thus, as you see, the theory starts to work beautifully as now the woman gets infinitely fascinated by this subject who is most likely desired by other females. Otherwise, why on earth would he pass up such an opportunity and why isn't he being nice?

[Twilight Bark]

Who's "Arnold" on Nickelodeon?

As for women, like men, they each have their own tastes and desperations.

Hi Nairi,

I should have said "Hey Arnold!". It's a kid's show, and the title character is a very nice kid who somehow manages to be "cool" at the same time.

As for the individuality of tastes. It goes without saying that each individual is different. However, one can still make observations and group certain behavior patterns. We are not "tabula rasa"; we do come with some pre-programmed attitudes.