41 replies to this topic

[Tatev Hayrapetian]

Hey guys,

I am having a problem with my american friend and I am not possitive what is the real misunderstanding between both of us. I am not sure if it is culture differences? I have this american friend such a sweet guy and seemed like we were getting along really well with each other untill he invited me over to his house. He started showing his 4 flour house and asked for my opinion and my respond was O nice. So after that he took me and showed me his brand new car and asked me again what I was thinking my respond was the same. Seems like he was not saticified with my answers, so he said guess how much I made last year I did not respond at all and after few seconds he said $300,000 and I said good for you. When I came back home I was very shoked and it seemed to me very misterious. I am not sure if I should have say something more??? or if he was showing off to me?? Or maybe I should have said give your car to me lol to make him feel better.lol I am so confuse I am new in this country so I am not exacly sure how should I respond in such situations?? And after all what is so funny he is not the same with me anymore seems like he does not even want to talk with me . I am hurt because I do not get his point and he does not even care for expanation. Please tell me did I said something wrong? or maybe I shouldn't have said good for you??? What do you think what is exacly wrong is it how usually americans react?? or they expect more words from us?? Sorry for my english barriers I was going to type in armenian, but I have noticed that most of the members don't use armenian much in this forum, but anyways I am trying to do my best.

[Azat]

Tatev,
Welcome to HyeForum.

Your English is better than mine. Don't worry.

I think you answered the exact way I would have answered, but I think he was showing off for a different reason. Just a guess, but he probably wanted you to be all impressed with his home and car and salary and what not.

Not to worry. He will come back if he is a good guy and wanted friendship and if not than he was not worth having as a friend.

[Tatev Hayrapetian]

Barev Azat Jan ,

Thanks for your opinion. I am just kind of all mixed up first time I am experiencing culture shock lol. The trouble is like many times they don't really get what I am trying to say. Lately I was waiting for a bus with friend of mine and this big latino guy came by and he was dressed really lightly and of course it was rainy day. Friend of mine looked at me and said isn't he cold? And I told my friend he is hot lol and she said o man your so good at noticing sexy guys, but what I meant was he is too warm, so in other words there is so many misscommunication going on that's why It is good to know a little bit about people in U.S. Thanks for complimant I wish my English was like yours. Yes angliakan tequmov dprots em gnatsel Hayastanum. Even though I had a great proffessors, but it is still hard to understand slangs. Mercy Azat jan

[Raffi the Illuminator]

I'm sorry to hear about this experience you are having. It must be very difficult to try to adjust to a culture/country that seems very different then the one you are from.
As for your experience with your friend, I agree I think you absolutely said the right things. Sometimes people look for praise because of their material possessions/wealth/socio-economic status. This is sad but true because they tend to like to measure themselves based on other people's opinions and praise.
Also, this is something that is not only applicable to Americans/Canadians of western European descent but is also something that seems to be not uncommon in Armenian communities as well. However, one can also find these qualities in many other cultures. It seems to be something that is quite revered by most in western society. (one dictionary definition I found states "materialism" as such :"The theory or attitude that physical well-being and worldly possessions constitute the greatest good and highest value in life.")

[Raffi the Illuminator]

Also -- for someone that is not from a country that has English as its first language, I think your English is just fine.

[Raffi the Illuminator]

One more thing....it's also interesting that you mention this because this is exactly the problem's I've been encountering with regard to finding the "right girl". I don't come from a "wealthy/upper classed" socio-economic family. I am not considered "rich" compared to most other Armenians. In fact, according to Canada's declaration of what constitutes the "poverty line" in terms of income, I'm at or slighly below it. So, I find that more and more Armenian women choose to marry men that are more "economically comfortable and stable". I suppose this is somewhat understandable, however whatever happened to having affection for someone based on their personality?

[Raffi the Illuminator]

Sorry I'm just kinda hyper here cause I'm drinking alot of coffee LOL.

Funny thing is with the income I bring in here in Canada, I could probably live like a king in Armenia!(Something I've actually been thinking about lately -- moving to Armenia at least for a while to see what it's like.)

Unfortunately, about half the Armenians there don't make much money so they are truly the ones that live in poverty.

[vava]

Hmmmm... I think that you can omit the qualifier 'Armenian' from the phrase above. Western culture is inundated with stories of 'golddigging' women marrying rich. [And I'm not saying this as a chauvanist either. Actually I think as time goes on and women begin to occupy more and more corporate executive level positions, the same thing will be said for 'golddigging' men]. But the fact remains that some people will marry for money, and some will marry for love (irregardless of material wealth and irregardless of their race/culture). Raffi, it's up to you to find the right kind of woman for you.
Good luck - it may take a while <-- joke!

[ March 03, 2003, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: vava ]

[QRISTINE]

Barev Tatev,

Barov es ekel hay forum:)

Dear Tatev,
Sounds like he probably likes you more then a friend. How you ever thought about that? In my opinion why would a guy tell a girl how much he makes etc.. seems like he got some feelings toward you. Has he ever talked to you about marriage? This is truly confusing. I think he has a feelings toward you, otherwise why would a man care what his friends think about his car, home, or salary. I don't think if I was a male I would have care what my friends think about my car, home, or salary unless if I knew I am going to spend my life with that person, then in that case I will take his/her opinion in consideration. My guess will be maybe he has feelings for you and he does not feel comfortable when it comes to expressing his feelings. Dear Tatev I understand how hard it is to adapt new culture, but believe me you will get over it everything takes time. Good luck.

[Raffi the Illuminator]

Good point and thank you for correcting me. Sometimes the train of thought is lost by the time by brain sends the message to my fingertips. But hopefully it didn't sound as though I was implying this only occurs with Armenian women. (and yes men as well "goldigging")
Yes indeedy, it is up to me of course, maybe I'm just too picky or something LOL

[Varduhi]

Raffi..
I agree with you but its not just more and more Armenians do that, but almost entire world, and this kind of action is not new to this world it has been like this years and years ago and it will continue to be this way. Whether we like it or not.

Tatevik:
Inch verabrevum e anglerenit masin mi mtatsi du partakan ches vor imanas ays lezun hoyakanapes.
Ev ayt txayi masin ushadrutyun mi dartsra aystexi mardik pristupov en aysor het@t shat bari klinen vax@ karoxa tsetsen. lol

Rusi asats
DAYUT BIRI BIYUT BIGI loooooooooooooooool
ays debkum el da nshanakum e ete bari e enker@ exi bayts ete pristum@ talis e VAZI EV HET MI NAYI, lol

[Tatev Hayrapetian]

Hi,

Thanks guys you are so supportive I love that.
Raffi jan what kind of coffee do you drink ?sounds like a good one lol. Raffi jan I understood what you mean.Yes life is very hard right now in armenia poverty all around. Poor people they work so hard, but can not even support their families. Raffi jan my personal opinion is life is not always in money if let's say he was trying to praise me with wealth then he got the wrong person lol.

Vava jan hi,
Yes I agree that most people will marry for money but does money always make people happy?? I have a Phillipino friend who moved here long time ago and she got married not because of love but because of money and now she is divorcing her husband. So I would say I complitely agree with you.

Hi Qristine jan,
Well I never thought about marrige thing but he talks about kids a lot lol. Well I don't know about marrige thing he is in his late 30's even though there is a big age difference between us but friendhip I don't think cares how old we are, who know's maybe he has a plan for that but he better stay a way from me lol otherwise my parents in Erevan will have a heart attack lol. Well what I think we are just friends that's all.But thanks for pointing that out I never thought about that.

Hi Varduhi jan,
I did not understand much what you said in russian sorry but I understood armenian part and that scared me lol. No I don't think Amricans will hit their friends lol they better not lol.

Thanks guys it is so good to read your opinions Sometimes we look from one point of view but in this case it is so great because you get the chance to see how also others think.

[Raffi the Illuminator]

Well I'm almost always drinking a "dark" roast blend, of coffee

I'm hoping to visit Hayastan for the first time this year. If I REALLY enjoy it, I may even move there even though I know how rough life can be, I think it would be worth it. I feel as though I should contribute something to my country of ancestral origin, however not just my mere presense there if you will, and not a donation here and there but maybe do something to actually help the community there. I'm still thinking about all of this though and when I'm thinking well, not much gets accomplished LOL

[Sip]

Dear Tatev .... ammmmmmmmenits karevor bane moratsar ases ... WHAT KIND OF CAR WAS IT???

Welcome to hyeforum!

[Tatev Hayrapetian]

Hi Sip jan,

E Sip jan that's probably was the problem that I did not really paid attention to the car what I can just remember it bright brown lol. I should have really paid attention maybe he would not be mad still with me lol. Listen next time when I go you make up the questions for me and I will pay attention to those lol. How's that sound to you?lol. No siriously it was bright brown van Sip jan that's all I can remember. Sorry about that but anyways if everything works out well I won't forget to look at the car again.

[Sip]

Ok I am seriously laughing out loud over here! A "van"??? I highly doubt someone like this guy would be driving a "bright brown van"!!! No wonder he is acting this way ... you crushed his ego and left him bleeding internally

Ok, it sounds like he is driving some sort of SUV. Based on the color, I am going to guess it is some sort of Ford ... maybe a Ford Expedition or a Navigator. Anyway, that part is not too important.

What is important, is that for an American male bachelor living in LA, the car is more than just a car. It's an image ... it's an extension of the person. If you ignore the car, you have ignored the person.

If you can find out what kind of car he has, I can tell you a few questions to ask him that will REALLY make him cheer up

[Tatev Hayrapetian]

LOOOOOOOOOL

Hey Sip jan why don’t you tell me now what questions I need to ask him so when I see him I will feel prepared. E Sip jan if the car was jiguli or zaparoj I would have recognize right a way lol since it was not any of those I felt dizzy at looking the car lol. Listen Sip next time we can go together I can introduce you as an inspector looooool. De et chexav e Sip jan how can one person take care of two things lol that is impossible, either I have to ignore the car or him lol otherwise I can not do both at the same.

[Azat]

De tesnenk mer Sipchik giti te et "jiguli or zaparoj" inch baneren?

[Sip]

Tatev jan, kartses vor mer Azate lav "jiguli" yev "zaparoji" masnaget a ... drantsits batsi, Volvo neri masin el LAAAAV gidi (I assume those jugulis are similar to our Volvos here? ... oops, sorry, I thought we were still roasting you azat jan ).

By the way, "Inspector Sip" .... hmmmm ... that sounds pretty cool. I like it (actually, some of the guys I know do call me Inspector Gadget because of all the high tech stuff I carry with me everywhere I go)

[Azat]

Hey hey, don't knock them Volvos. My car %5400 damage, Mustang - Salvage.

I just can't wait to get my baby back. I am sick of driving this stupid Dodge Neon, it sucks.