33 replies to this topic

[THOTH]

Yeah hyebruin - I understand your frustration. Guys are (mostly) just a bunch of little boys aren't they? ...want their playtime above all...

Well Sip, don't know what to say really...but what you are describing is certainly not marriage...heck its barely even a proper relationship with someone (because even if you were seeing others...etc...it doesn't mean that the first realtionship just ceases to exists...even if it might be out of your mind/attention etc temporarily...LOL).

Both are 24/7 just by definition I think...but that doesn't mean that you two are necessarilly together 24/7...just that the relationship exists - can't be just turned off (particualrly when you have kids together). For instance my wife and I are often seperated and do our seperate things...in fact I recently took a (2 week) vacation (seperate from my wife) (and I've gone on camping trips [with the guys...well mostly...] and other such things (weekends with friends etc) away from her - and even have visited and spent time (platonically) with an ex girlfriend (with my wife being totally cool about it...we've visited her together as well...) and we both often go on business trips seperatly (where I've taken care of the kids on my own for weeks at a time...once she was away for 8 weeks!)...so 24/7 doesn't have to mean chained together. Now I understand that my wife is a very special case who gives me lots of latitude (so my advice is - get a good one! - like I have...)

..and yes - its good for couples to spend time apart and do things seperatly...I'd almost agree that this is necessary - and it sure makes you value being together again as well. And marraige ain't all bliss either - people fight, get tired of/bored etc being around each other, tend to fall into ruts/routines (sexual & otherwise...and this can be a problem certainly...) - so it does take a special effort to spice it up/make it interesting - and I think succesful partnerships are ones where each makes the effort to keep it fresh - and it does take effort...and often (admittedly) its hard to do (particualrly with children...though they have there own way of keeping things fresh & interesting as well...).

And Sip - while what you might be saying concerning too much of a good thing - etc..not being good is generally true...I just can't see imagine it for orgasming ...LOL...in my experience - even when its been (somewhat) painful (frequency sort of thing/wore out...and perhaps for other [collarateral] reasons/inflicted...) its still good (and the desire for more is always there...unless overtaken by the urge to sleep of course ...which is increasing [somewhat ] as I get older ...LOL...but I supose there could be drawbacks (I've had [some serious/near fatal] trouble when driving and orgasaming at the same time for example...(true)...

And Bruin...you are no doubt a (young) cutie ...and I'd think that even if it weren't for little birds & such ...(so how am I doing? LOL)

[hyebruin]

here's bio101 for sip! orgasm is under the 'fight/flight' mechanism...so it CANNOT possibly last longer than seconds!!!...what you are referring to is called somewhat loosely a 'super erection'...(can happen with anti-impotence agents i suppose if not taken properly)...where erection literally lasts for hours!!! not only is this painful, but it damages penile tissue ....so, i guess you are right about this one sip jan ...too much of a good thing can be damaging!!!

and, thoth, what can i say? your colorful commentary is very refreshing!! love your appopriate use of smilies (i like that huggable one!)...anyways, 'little birdies' huh? i bet it was a big ol' pigeon!!!

[Sasun]

The question I have is .. why does marriage have to be a 24/7 type of a deal. Why not something like 3 days a week or maybe alternating weeks? What about a 3-day on, 4-days off type of a scenario where you are married Monday through Wednesday, but get thrusday, friday, and the weekends off to do whatever?

Seems to me like it would be something I would be interested in ... but this 24/7, day in day out, every day for the rest of life type of a commitment just sounds too much like biblical "eternity" clauses of punishment.

I mean to put things in perspective, I enjoy surfing the web but even that I can't do 24/7 EVERYDAY ... I sometimes like to go out, play some basketball, hit up a buffet, or just wrench on the car.

Ehh... familiar problem (in general for relationships). When a solution to this problem is found let me know If only women thought like men on some issues...

[THOTH]

Bruin..I'll certainly never tell!

And your entirely correct with your Bio 101 lesson...though I am going to refrain from further comment (as I can't without being [too] graphic...and without risking showing up some of the younger guys here...and I wouldn't want to do that! ) LOL

[Sip]

little birds, big pigeons ... what's the difference But Bruin, I'm sure drug scientists will find a way somehow to overcome the fight/flight mechanism problem. Can you imagine the profits? I don't even want to think about the junk emails I'll start to get then ... "3 seconds ? 5 minutes? that's old news. Make it last 15 minutes with orgazmathon, no prescriptions needed but may cause severe diarrhea and loss of fingernails"

... and Sasun, if women started thinking the same as men, the entire shoe industry would collapse.

[hyebruin]

sip, you are so cute today!!! ~~~ i feel sooooo good today!! bought an emerald cool looking nailpolish along with a hot sexy red!! i nEeDEd that sexy red!!! oh yeahhhhhh!!!

[THOTH]

sip, you are so cute today!!! ~~~ i feel sooooo good today!! bought an emerald cool looking nailpolish along with a hot sexy red!! i nEeDEd that sexy red!!! oh yeahhhhhh!!!

Well very good (and better then yesterday...)...happy to have been a part of it...mmm...I concur regarding the red!

[THOTH]

Sip - your little product reminds me of the scene in the woody allen movie Sleeper...where he gets into that machine to hide and stays in a bit too long ...And can you imagine the addicts (for your drug)? I'm bad enough without it already! LOL

[Caucasian]

From Frank Sinatra, Married With Children's generic song

love and marriage, love and marriage
go together like a horse and carriage
this i tell you brother
you can't have one without the other

love and marriage, love and marriage
it's an institute you can't disparage
ask the local gentry
and they will say it's elementary

try, try, try to separate them
it's an illusion
try, try, try, and you will only come
to this conclusion

love and marriage, love and marriage
go together like a horse and carriage
dad was told by mother
you can't have one without the other

[trueboo]

Hi guys,
I'm a newbie to HyeForum, Armenian, born in the US, very happily married for 16 yrs to an American, (predominantly Irish, so we call him Irishian) and I've spent the last couple of hours reading all around this site. You guys are great! It is so fun seeing the opinions and *mostly* friendly debates between all these diverse Armenians! I wanted to post on one of these topics and introduce myself, because you guys have inspired lots of opinions from me as well! I will start here because I just have such passion about this topic. Please excuse my loooong first post!

I think that marriage is the best thing ever, IF it's what you truly want, and IF you marry the right person! I know this is easier said than done, but there is some basic logic involved here. In general, people don't change their true nature very much. If you marry someone expecting to change or fix them in some way, then GOOD LUCK!!! You will need it. On the other hand, if you are open and honest about everything beforehand, and you connect emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually, then there is nothing better on earth. Ladies, demand respect, and respect your men, don't treat them like they are stupid, build them up, they are yours! Guys, don't let old ways of thinking or pride turn you cold and bitter in your relationship. Don't be afraid to talk things out, and treat your wife like she is precious to you. The payoff is yours in ~every~ way!

Here is what you need in a nutshell, all are required elements! : Mutual Respect, Spirituality, Chemistry (physical attraction, very personal~ finding the other person sexy), Kindness, Humor!!!, similar intelligence, compatible goals (monogamy, kids, etc), and, most important, no red flags (psycho behavior, drug problem, lying, physical or verbal abuse in any form, it will only get worse after marriage!) Always remember, some words can't be taken back. I'm sure there is an old Armenian saying about that... anyone?

I married my hubby one year from the day we met. I was 21 years old, and knew within two months that he was my soulmate. I had been burned before, and went in cautiously, but could see he was very sincere. Just trust your gut, choose wisely, and have a nice life! All this said... It's a scary world to be single in! (Dear God, please help my daughters find someone as great as their dad!!)
Hugs 2 all of you!
-trueboo

[Sip]

Welcome aboard trueboo! Very nice first post and definitely glad to have you around. Looking forward to more of those "inspired" opinions

[Stormig]

Yeah, trueboo, whydja wait so long to post?
Marriage - can't do with it unless for some weird reason I decided to have kids (can't imagine)... I'll always want to have adventure, can't have someone sitting on their bum telling me I can't because we're married and must do things together and I can't do what I like because he wouldn't want to do it. And I wouldn't want to end up like my mother - she NEVER does anything for herself. If it's not my grandmother that needs caring, it's the rest of the family, if not, it's the dogthat needs feeding so she has to rush back home and all that crap. Phooey... It is so against my nature, this sense of responsibility towards others. I mean, I can understand the dog can't fend for itself, but so what if it goes hungry for a few hours and/or someone else feeds it? Needless to say, when I am away from home, and I never call, I get called and admonished and asked why I am not calling. I mean, what does that change? If you need help, yeah, call me and I'll help - otherwise, leave me the HELL alone!

[THOTH]

Hi there and welcome Trueboo...and I'm very happy for you that you have found your bliss!

And Stormy...get back to us in 5-10 years and let us know if you feel the same (regarding marraige and being responsible for another/others etc)...though perhaps its just not in your nature and maybe marraige & family is just not for you...but I suspect your attitude could change if you meet the right guy and such. I agree with some of what you say however - concerning being told what to do etc - who wnats that - its got to be mutual IMO.

You should check out the Todd Rungren tune - "property" that I posted the lyrics too over in one of the music threads (hold on a bit and I'll link to it...)

[THOTH]

Property 1.0
Composer: Todd Rundgren


I'll be your fantasy, but I won't be your property
Love you eternally, but I'll never be your property
Love from me's not guaranteed
Just because you think I'm property
I can love you totally and still not be your property

Every girl and boy wants to grow up to be loved someday
And you can't wait to give your heart away
But it's like worship in their eyes walking down the aisle
When you slip on that ring, they start to treat you like a thing, yeah

I call it slavery when you call someone your property
Don't waste your vanity, I will never be your property

Something wonderful happens when people fall in love
Your happiness is all they're thinking of
But it's like "anything you say" 'til the wedding day
When they get it in ink, they start to tell you what to think, yeah

Darkest day in history when someone invented property
Cause of our misery is the constant lust for property

Since god began it, we've been dividing up the planet
When you see something you want it
You've got to put your name tag on it
And we go on carving, meanwhile half the world is starving
It's a crime .. hands off what is mine!

Take all you can 'til you slam on the parking brake
And you need space to make your own mistakes
But it's like "I won't hold you back" 'til the bags are packed
Then they're struttin' about like they own you inside out

I call it slavery (you can't make me a slave),
when you call someone your property
Don't waste your vanity (don't be so vain),
I will never be your property
Darkest day in history (why did you have to do a thing like that)
when someone invented property
Cause of our misery (misery, misery)
is the constant lust for property