Speak Up Or Stay Silent?
#1
Posted 20 January 2004 - 11:02 PM
I had my heart set on a different type of engagement ring. The one I have now is very pretty, but I just dont feel like it's me, and I know I will want to change it in the future.
I know that he put time and care into picking this one out. I don't want to hurt his feelings, or come off as materialistic, but I also want to be happy with something I will be wearing every day for the rest of my life. We can usually talk about almost anything, but I feel like this may be a sensitive topic or taken in the wrong way.
Should I let him know, or just stand quiet? Am I being petty/materialistic about this? Your opinions are appreciated. Thanks.
Liz
#2
Posted 20 January 2004 - 11:07 PM
You'll only be engaged for a little while - after that you'll be wearing a wedding band So don't sweat it - just the fact that he picked it especially for you should out weigh any esthethic issue you may have with it... Unless it's absolutely atrocious, than I wouldn't tell him - (this is coming from someone who would be heartbroken if his fiancé rejected his ring)
oh, and congratulations!
#3
Posted 20 January 2004 - 11:21 PM
#4
Posted 20 January 2004 - 11:33 PM
good one, Sip!!
Welcome to HyeForum, Elizabeth.
One the one side, there is the honesty issue. And on the other, there is the "rejecting his ring" issue.. I am not sure which one is the "right" thing to do per se, but if I were you I would probably just accept his choice of ring, after all, as long as it's coming from the heart, that's what matters most, IMO.
#5
Posted 20 January 2004 - 11:37 PM
Then you go together and buy new one. After sometime you may pleasantly surprise him with your discovery of the "lost" ring so that the poor guy can recover some money back.
#6
Posted 20 January 2004 - 11:52 PM
Then you go together and buy new one. After sometime you may pleasantly surprise him with your discovery of the "lost" ring so that the poor guy can recover some money back.
This comes from a lawyer. Damn!
#7
Posted 20 January 2004 - 11:55 PM
I had my heart set on a different type of engagement ring. The one I have now is very pretty, but I just dont feel like it's me, and I know I will want to change it in the future.
I know that he put time and care into picking this one out. I don't want to hurt his feelings, or come off as materialistic, but I also want to be happy with something I will be wearing every day for the rest of my life. We can usually talk about almost anything, but I feel like this may be a sensitive topic or taken in the wrong way.
Should I let him know, or just stand quiet? Am I being petty/materialistic about this? Your opinions are appreciated. Thanks.
Liz
Try to get him to catch you surfing the web, particularly on:
http://www.adiamondisforever.com
If not that, I suggest using their Diamond graphics as your desktop cover. If that fails too, I suggest you find someone with a bigger pocket and can hold a fatter wallet.
Edited by Anonymouse, 20 January 2004 - 11:56 PM.
#8
Posted 20 January 2004 - 11:58 PM
#9
Posted 21 January 2004 - 12:10 AM
Ohhhh flirting with Freudian explanations. I like I like. Maybe you can answer why I look the way I look?
#10
Posted 21 January 2004 - 01:19 AM
i venture to guess that you must not have had many psych classes or training in this field...usually to a novice or the general public all psychology begins and ends with freud!
Edited by hyebruin, 21 January 2004 - 01:21 AM.
#11
Posted 21 January 2004 - 03:23 AM
#12
Posted 21 January 2004 - 10:09 AM
Bruin already said it but I want to add that the ring is "him" not you. The one you will give to him is "you". If you want to change the ring in the future you will have a desire to change him too.
#13
Posted 21 January 2004 - 10:59 AM
Actually a lot of women do what Gamavor is suggesting
#14
Posted 21 January 2004 - 11:12 AM
HyeBruin,
I really don't think that there are other hidden issues with this besides the ring. I realize it may come off as superficial or rude to be giving a second thought about the ring (and actually a part of me wishes I never posted about it), but it was simply that I have always wanted a specific style (since I was a teenager), and maybe I never conveyed that to him because the proposal was a surprise. That's all. I really don't think that my feeling this way about the design of a piece of metal has anything to say about my love or commitment towards him, or about underlying resentment. As close as we are, we are two different people, with different brains, thoughts, and tastes in clothing, jewelry, or whatever it may be. Also, when it came time for me to give him a ring, I was sure to pick out exactly what he wanted--because although I may prefer something totally guady ...in yellow gold and big diamonds for a man (which i dont!) he may have different taste. I'm not thinking about the symbolism of the ring, etc etc. We both know how we feel for each other, with or without the rings. But I did want him to feel comfortable with what he will be slipping on every day. In any case, thanks for the response, because it did make me look at it from a different perspective, but I honestly don't think that's the issue.
Stormig,
I'm not sure why I offended you with this topic, but I apologize if you took it the wrong way.
Anonymouse,
The desktop idea was funny--kinda over the top and a little late though
Everyone else, thanks again--I appreciate it.
Liz
#15
Posted 21 January 2004 - 11:15 AM
Ahem... This is what I would consider a rhetorical question.
#16
Posted 21 January 2004 - 01:20 PM
i venture to guess that you must not have had many psych classes or training in this field...usually to a novice or the general public all psychology begins and ends with freud!
Are you a psychology major?
#17
Posted 21 January 2004 - 01:33 PM
If your looking for a advise janik wear the ring and be proud after all this is what your fiancé has chosen for you – dawn the line, first year anniversary or something like that you con tell him what you like, or join him on his search of finding a wedding ring set .
And remember us a ring that you will be wearing every day - you don’t need something big, it’s in your best interest to have something HAMEST, not to flashy, eye caching, since your not home all the time and your man will not be next to you every moment to guard you and the ring.
Some start of a nice ring - then each year anniversary add a stone to it, then make the matching earrings and charms, then add the berth stones on of the kids to it, on the end it becomes the family ring.
MOvses
#18
Posted 21 January 2004 - 02:49 PM
i hope all works out for the best with your new life now; the one thing i have to add is to not be hesitant about voicing your concerns and letting people around you including your fiance know what you want! how THEY react to it is their concern not yours! and it sure is the best way of not harboring any resentment---which DOES happen especially with a lot of armenian women who choose to keep quiet about what makes them happy and not so happy!!--i do hope that the issue here really is about the ring design and not anything else..maybe it's a lesson for you to learn to compromise, since i hear that's what married folks do these days!! ....
and mouse, regarding your question: close enough!
#19
Posted 21 January 2004 - 07:40 PM
first of all, dont you think that your fiance matters more to you than the ring? I would think so, in my opinion, if i were to be proposed to, i wouldnt mind even if the ring he made was of a gum wrapper, its the thought behind it that matters, i think that this world has made everyone into materialistic and cold people. What ever happened to loving the person, i think that the ring is just a physical reminder of what he feels for you in his heart, i have had times when ive recieved a gift that i usually would not choose myself from a close friend or someone ive ad feelings for, i still wore the gift and used it because it reminded me of the person, and i valued the gift not for what it was physicalyy, but for what it stands for...i think that we need to escape this way of thought, i know that i myself can come across as a materialistic person sometimes, thats how the world infringes upon us, but if you look deeper into the situation and into life, you will find that everything will pass, and material objects will break, fade, scratch, get stolen or lost, but what means more to you should be your love and support for one another...
#20
Posted 21 January 2004 - 07:41 PM
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